Liver cancer, it's all a mess.

[Rainicorn]

So we have been told MIL has liver cancer. She got admitted with a chest infection, 2nd one in a month needing hospital admittion.

She is meant to be moving into her new assisted living place this week, we have bought new white goods, already installed, new bedroom furniture, all built and everything is there apart from her hospital,bed and hoist which is getting moved on Thursday. We can't stop the move, it needs to be done now.

I'm worried now that she won't be coming out of hospital. She has rapidly declined in the past month, lost so much weight and has become quite confused. It has been out down to having quite a severe chest infection on top of copd, however I am now concerned that the cancer has spread to her brain as she has never been confused like this before.

Went to visit her tonight and she was barely conscious, nodding on and off sleep. She has a bedsore so,positioning her every two hours but she is refusing to be moved as doesnt find it comfortable. She is also refusing meds as she thinks the docs are drugging her because she feels tired.

At a loss what to do. We are having a meeting tomorrow, just wanted to get this off my chest really. Thanks for reading.

[CMOTDibbler]

I'm really sorry to hear this about your MIL Rainicorn.

At the meeting tomorrow, ask if they can get her a pressure relief mattress so she doesn't need to be repositioned.

[whataboutbob]

Rainicorn sounds like you have done everything within your power for your MIL, and maybe events are now taking over. She will either pull through this (for a while ) or won't. In the last case then maybe the assisted living place is not appropriate for her and she needs hospice/ nursing home. Sorry if that sounds really blunt. But maybe it also means it is no longer in your hands and she will need nursing care from now on.

[Rainicorn]

Thank you both.

Meeting wasn't great, she has a few month, if most a year. She won't get to go to her new place, she will either remain in hospital or go to a care home, which she will never forgive us for moving her to, as she needs palitive/end of life care.

Annoyingly, there was a communication error and we should have been told this a few weeks ago, as well as the fact there is a DNR in her file, so really we should be putting a complaint in, but not sure we have the strength.

I've no idea what I can/cannot do in terms of her new place. We have all her stuff there apart from her hospital bed. Will get that moved there as can't leave it at her place. Will cancel her phone installation.

The doctor will look at different mattress options as MIL refusing to be positioned, but bed sore is very deep. We think this is because she has been refusing positioning with her carers at home.

[whataboutbob]

Rainicorn you have done your best for her and if she never forgives you...surely that's more to do with her than you. She simply can't go to her flat because she is terminally ill. If I remember correctly you mentioned her being quite self centred in a previous post. I guess no one welcomes illness and death. However it is not fair for her to do a dump on you. I used to work in palliative care. Sadly it was not uncommon for certain angry patients to lash out emotionally at health care professionals. Usually it was because they were dying young, or had not lived their lives well. Good luck, I am sure you will get through this albeit maybe with gritted teeth sometimes.

[Rainicorn]

Thanks Bob. Yeah she is very self centred, as long as she is happy she really doesn't care who she inconveniences.

The doctor said she is definitely going to a care home and if she refuses she will stay in hospital, which isn't ideal really. The doctors will tell her that, and she may well be fine with it, she has been totally against it in the past though.