Oh fuck, my dad's care home have said they don't want him any more...

[Scarletohello]

I've posted about my father before, he's 82 and not only has dementia but is now registered blind. I was his carer for a year and a glad until I just couldn't do it any more. So we found hi. A care home which was small, seemed friendly and the manager boasted about her expertise about working with people with visual impairments.

However it has not gone well. His biggest problem is that he still thinks he's living at home and although there's a toilet in his bedroom, he can't see it or remember it's there. So he has got into the habit of ( if he's not supervised) of wandering down the corridor and pissing/shitting in another ( female ) resident's bedroom. I've had numerous discussions with the care home to try and find a solution to this but they have recently said they are not willing to deal with this any more. So now I'm back to square one. I visited about 7 homes, some of which weren't suitable and one that wouldn't take him.

I just don't know what to do...

[Sunflowersmiling]

Oh this is awful for your dad and you. Firstly the care home sounds rubbish. What strategies have they used to support dad? 1-1, sensors on door to discretely alert staff hes leaving his room so they can kindly help him? Is there a pattern re: times they can identify and prempt him with offer of assistance to the loo?

Ask for CPN referral, they should have one who trains care home staff, and referral to visual impairment officer at council. Get social worker involved. More people supporting your dad the better. Failing all that, sue them for breach of contract. What the hell are they being paid for if its not to care?
Oh sorry I get mad, where is the dignity n respect for your dad? Hes best off out of there at end of day, but you need support and social worker should be able to advise?

[mipmop]

Been there - main carer for my dad then he goes to a "top" care home for this area. Supposedly a flagship dementia centre, purpose-built etc. He has dementia, not visual problems yet but cataracts mean that's in the future. Anyway the care home can't be bothered to care. They prefer frail elderly in wheelchairs to physically active and mobile people with dementia. I've just moved my dad to another care home as the previous one wanted him out. No help from SW (failed to attend meetings etc). He's now also doing the toilet where he shouldn't in the new home (new problem coincided with the move). As a parent of a toddler I'm thinking the solution is to monitor toilet times, fluid intake, lead him to the toilet before or after meals etc until he gets used to his new surroundings...Maybe visual signs for toilets may be better than textual ones? No, they want a medical solution, not to spend time taking him to the toilet. But docs say they can't / won't prescribe anything. So I can see the new care home wanting him out too. Hospital docs say he's not suitable for a long-stay dementia ward, they're for people with challenging behaviour rather than pretty standard dementia behaviour.

I don't know what the answer is but would suggest trying a care home run by a charity rather than one run by a privately owned company. Have you tried the talking point forum on the Alzheimer's website? There can be some good support and ideas there.

[Scarletohello]

Thanks for your replies, it's bloody hard isn't it? Not had much joy with social workers previously. We found a care home run by the Samaritans but once they had assessed him ( we had to leave him there for an afternoon), they said they couldn't take him. I've visited some that are more medical where there are people wailing in their beds or wandering around the corridors shouting abuse at people. Nightmarish.

I'm going to try and contact organisations that help blind people to see if there is anywhere they can recommend. Unfortunately I feel that this will be a problem wherever he is...

[Needmoresleep]

I would say 'welcome back' but its not like that is it. The best you can hope for is a period of relative calm before the next crisis.

No great ideas other than to suggest also posting on the Alzheimers Talking Point Forum.

Good luck.

[mipmop]

I've found some charities run homes for retired personnel (after a particular career) or ex-servicemen (e.g. if your dad did national service or joined the forces he'd be eligible.) They only exist in a few areas though. Local career centres may know what's near you.

So what's your timescale?

[Scarletohello]

Needmoresleep - thanks for remembering me!

Re timescale, they haven't actually given us a deadline, have suggested we get a social services assessment ( hollow laugh), so really it's down to me to get the ball rolling. Worse case scenario, I end up looking after him again but tbh I'd rather slit my wrists than go through that hell again
( not to sound callous but...I just can't. )

[Scarletohello]

And on a more positive note, my mum ( who was in a nursing home after a very severe stroke that left her paralysed, unable to speak or swallow food and doubly in continent ), passed away in February so both she and us were released from that living hell.

[mipmop]

Sorry to hear about your mum. What a year.

If you have a hospital with a dementia assessment centre near you, maybe they could help? My dad stayed in one for a few weeks while being assessed. It might be that SW won't suggest these things if they think you will step in and be at-home carer again. I found the hospital stay useful as there was a full medical assessment, and the care/nursing staff gave opinions on how compliant he was with personal care etc - the social work assessment seemed to be done by someone who'd never spent time with my dad.

I thought the home may have given notice to terminate the contact.