Grandfather inappropriately touches his carers?

[daphnemariamcc]

Recently, I've been helping my grandparents a lot, who are both 85. My nan is the less sick of the two: although physically unwell, she is definitely "all there" unlike my granddad who is regularly forgetting what country we live in and who people are, he also has hallucinations etc. So he has carers who come to look after him every morning and there have been complaints that he is "touchy feely" with them; today a male carer came because of these complaints, but my granddad refused, very rudely I must add, to let the guy do his care. As a teenager, I actually lived with my grandparents due to my mother's abuse and my father's alcoholism, and I sort of remember my granddad being very slightly uncomfortable, as in he would sometimes brush past me in a weird way, but I always assumed it was an accident, now I dont know. It makes me feel very awkward about him, and sorry for my nan a bit. He isn't a bad man at all, I remember him before he started "losing it" and he was and is a good person and I love him, but now I feel confused and guilty... my 7 year old foster son and daughter are close to him and I never felt any weirdness about it until now, now I'm wary of it and worried they might be affected. I don't know who to tell about this, my dad would probably say that he's just old and doesn't mean it, my other extended family would be a bad idea too and my nan is out of the question (she's very old fashioned and strict and I have never been able to talk to her about personal issues).
Opinions on the situation? :/ What would you do?

[fridayfreedom]

This is not uncommon with people with dementia or memory problems. It can be due to lack of inhibition due to damage to the front part of the brain.
The care agency should have come across this and risk assess it accordingly. The carers should not treat it as being truly sexual abuse and try and avoid putting themselves in vulnerable positions, laughing it off or just gently saying please stop or don't do that may help.

[fridayfreedom]

Also some older men may object to males helping with personal care due to old fashioned views about male nurses etc

[HygieneFreak]

I ve worked in several care homes and done care in the community.

This is quite a common thing that carers come across.

When someone has dementia, it is very common for them to act out things that was a secret fantasy.

I ve come across women that are very quiet and reserved, and then as dementia progresses, they suddenly have an obsession with taking about sex and groping any man they see.

It doesnt surprise me when you say your grandfather was alittle odd in his behaviour with you as a child.

When he was well, he could control any unusual urges he had.

When you have dementia, you have no control and your inner self tends to show .

[frogsinapond]

This is quite common with dementia and is NOT his 'inner self' showing through, but is the part of his brain that controls inhibitions and understands socially acceptable behaviours not functioning properly to regulate normal sexual desire (his brain also has probably forgotten that he's married, and he may well think that he is a horny teenager on occasions, especially if a youngish girl is washing him). His 'true inner self' did understand these things and would not have behaved inappropriately (if you felt as a youngster his contact was accidental, then it probably was, or at the least his 'true self' would do no more than an 'accidental' brush ). Please don't think worse of him now, it's an unfortunate symptom of his illness. But be aware that with his diminished social awareness the carers and anyone else affected will need to be vigilant and firmly rebuff his advances. A male carer may well be the best way forward if problems persist regardless of his protestations.