Mum got followed home by a road rager.

[BettyBotter]

He drove home behind her and when she got out of he car he jumped out and ranted at her that she was 'all over the road' and 'shouldn't be allowed to drive'. Mum was terrified because he sounded pretty aggressive and she couldn't understand what she'd done to upset him.

Thing is, I have a horrible feeling he was right about her driving. Mum's 78 and stil drives all over the place with a fairly busy social life. But I've noticed she waves around across her lane and there have been a lot couple of incidents of going through red lights. Frankly I don't think she's safe but she's 'fit as a fiddle with all her faculties' according to her

I've looked through other threads about stopping unsafe oldies driving, but they all relate to stopping driving through memory loss or illness. What if on paper somebody is fine. But they're just not as good at it as they need to be?

Oh, help.

[itiswhatitiswhatitis]

The man was way out of order if her driving was that bad he should have noted her reg number and called 101.

I think you should talk to your mum about her driving though. I witnessed a very near miss on a the motorway today because of an elderly lady driving at 40 miles an hour in the middle lane.

[BettyBotter]

I did tell her when she told me what happened, that actually I have noticed that she does wander round the road a bit. She said that she'll be more careful

[austenozzy]

I had a near miss today with a very old lady driver. She came around a corner halfway across my side and I had to emergency stop to prevent her ploughing into my front right vorner. She's was oblivious to it, no acknowledgement, nothing.

[BettyBotter]

Sounds horrible Austen. It's that sort of thing that scares me.

[mimishimmi]

Maybe she did need a third independent party to confirm what you've been telling her. He shouldn't have done it of course (but should have reported her) but it might be the mental push she needs to give up driving.

[whataboutbob]

The statistics on road accidents involving elderly drivers are quite telling- basically they are quite a bit more likely to be involved in a crash. I nearly got knocked over by an old guy who just didn't stop at a junction, as i was crossing the road. I suspect slow reflexes were the reason. When he realised he made an apologetic face, but i was shaken.
Sounds like maybe some guidance from the dvla would be helpful (I'm thinking they might be able to outline situations elderly persons find more tricky). I would think avoiding rush hour, not driving in the dark, sticking to familiar routes, not driving when tired. Then a sensitive, supportive talk with her might be the way to go. My Dad HAD to stop driving because of dementia, but it sounds like your mum is in a situation where a few changes and precautions would be enough for now. Good luck.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

We went through this with an elderly relative. He was fine on paper; nothing physically wrong. But his driving was frightening and downright dangerous. In the end, I spoke to the other members of my family about it. My main thought was; if he runs over a small child and none of us have told him that his driving is dangerous, we will be responsible.

So we staged an intervention and basically told him he had to stop driving. It was awful and he was understandably cross and upset at the loss of independence. But truly it was the best thing to do and I would never have forgiven myself if he had hurt someone.

[TheSarge]

You have a responsibility to other road users to stop your mother from driving. She is not safe and you know it! It is not easy- I interfered two years ago when DFiL was diagnosed with Dementia. MiL and rest of family didn't support me - and didn't talk to me for a good while. I still maintain that I did the right thing in the best interests of everyone - it was only me who suffered and I can cope with that!

[BettyBotter]

Thanks to all replies .

Yes I do know that mum's driving days are reaching the end but I don't quite know how to go about making her agree because she believes she's safe and careful. If she had an actual illness or disability we could use that as a reason thank god so far not. She's been caught going through red lights and has insisted she was just on amber and it was an unfair police camera trap because 'everybody got caught that day.' Other red light incidents have been because 'the light wasn't working that day' or she just point blank denied to the passenger.

I feel she needs an outside objective assessor by an expert. Has anybody heard of getting a private driving assessment done by an instructor or examiner?

[kentishgirl]

That sounds like a good idea. She is dangerous - she's putting herself at risk through pride/stubborness but worse than that other people at risk.

Tell her straight - you don't think she is safe to drive any more. As we get older our reaction times slow down and there's nothing we can do about that. The weaving all over the road, I don't know - how's her vision? Could also be a motor control thing. Or a lack of concentration (brains slow down too).

When you tell her straight, and she refuses, offer to pay for a driving instructor to assess her on the basis that you'll both accept their judgement, either way.

[thoughtsbecomethings]

Maybe contact DVLA. I think some older people( young aswell) are such dangers on the road and could cause a terrible accident.