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Elderly parents

Father has taken himself off to bed and won't engage at all.

14 replies

Jazzicatz · 27/02/2014 18:54

Hello everyone,
I wonder if anyone could advise me as what to do as I just feel so hopeless. My father is 79 years old and recently had a spell in hospital due to a chest infection and complications with his diabetes (type 2). He also has asthma, thyroid problems and prostate. All of these things are managed through medication etc, so whilst he isn't well, none of these would cause him to be bedridden.

My father has always been a very stubborn and negative man and found integrating with people very hard. Since his retirement he has become more and more isolated. Over the last year he has pretty much stopped going out. About 10 weeks ago he got ill and was taken to hospital, he was kept in for 8 weeks and during that time refused to eat or have much to do with anyone. They tested him for dementia and said they didn't think he had it, but instead suffered from depression so put him on anti-depressants. He also refused to get out of bed and therefore his already limited mobility got worse. After the 8 weeks they sent him home, with a care package and have left him for my mum to look after with no medical support. The care package involves three visits a day but they only deal with personal care. He is now doubly incontinent, again this is a new thing, and refuses to get out of bed, talk to anyone, watch tv, read, anything. My mother and I are so worried and just don't know what to do. Can anyone advise?

Thank you

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Jazzicatz · 28/02/2014 08:38

Anyone?

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tobiasfunke · 28/02/2014 08:44

This sounds awful for you and your Mum? Do you think he has just decided that he is giving up or do you think that there is something else the matter physically that is causing the double incontinence. It sounds as if the anti-depression medication isn't working or maybe is making him worse- perhaps he needs to try something different. Have you seen his GP about this?

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Jazzicatz · 28/02/2014 09:18

Thank you for your reply. There doesn't seem to be a reason for the double incontinence, only for the urine incontinence. The doctors just said that it's a mobility issue. I think he has just given up, which is so difficult to deal with.

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sunbathe · 28/02/2014 09:21

But he's still eating? So he can't have given up?

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Jazzicatz · 28/02/2014 09:22

Yes he is eating just won't get out of bed, sleeps most of the time and won't engage.

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sunbathe · 28/02/2014 09:24

So what would happen if he had to get out of bed for his meals, do you think?

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Jazzicatz · 28/02/2014 09:28

He refuses and we now have to feed him also.

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tobiasfunke · 28/02/2014 09:42

It does sound like he is severely depressed. If it were a younger person they probably would be referred to the mental health team. Is your GP not willing to do this? Or up his anti-depressants?
The problem is if he is not physically ill and still eating he is not just going to fade away and die peacefully in his bed like in a Victorian novel- he is going to bed bound for years with all the issues that brings.
I think you need to push for some sort of better pyschiatric help.
It must be really hard on you and your Mum- I'm sorry.
We are having some problems with elderly parents and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

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sunbathe · 28/02/2014 09:44

But he's perfectly able to eat?

Can you get the GP to do a home visit? Check he's competent both mentally and physically?

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Jazzicatz · 28/02/2014 11:51

Thank you both and sorry to hear you have ill elderly parents too tobias, its very difficult isn't it?

They are sending him for a brain scan to determine if it is in fact dementia, but that still wouldn't explain the taking to his bed, but I have read that depression can be a symptom of dementia. He can eat by himself but his mobility has got so bad, even lifting his arm to feed himself, so its just easier to feed him. As i said in my OP he has always been a depressive and i think this is part of it, but because he is old they just don't care. I think I will speak to the social worker about a psychiatric appointment.

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whataboutbob · 28/02/2014 13:38

Hi, if it isn't dmeentia I would say that points to depression and if the GP cannot manage it then maybe a referral to a psychogeriatrician is indicated. They deal with elderly demented persons, but also anyone in the older age bracket who has a mental health problem. Good luck.

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HavantGuard · 28/02/2014 13:42

Depression linked to his thyroid problems? His thyroid medication may need looking at.

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Jazzicatz · 28/02/2014 14:01

Yes, I think we need to get the doctor involved much more. There is a difference of opinion between the GP, who thinks he has dementia and the hospital doctor, who thinks its depression. Thankfully he is going for a scan soon, so we will know either way. Either way, every day he is in bed he gets a little weaker.

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TopBirder14 · 10/04/2014 18:36

I have just come to this post as my father is in a similar situation.

He has limited mobility following a major stroke but the psychological problems are similar. He has gone through two episodes of hardly eating anything for a week to ten days, refuses to drink much and so gets dehydration and urine infections and also has days when he won't take his medication. He can be totally withdrawn one day and aggressive and difficult the next. The GP put him on anti-depressants several years ago but says that the dose cannot be increased.

I agree with the comment that a younger person would be referred to a mental health team. I think that there is a feeling that once you get old (my dad is 82), there's only so much that the GP can do for you. They will write out a prescription and if that doesn't work, they will give you another.

I do hope that you managed to get some answers and that the situation has improved for you.

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