Being suspicious of other people - is this common with dementia?

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

My aunt has some form of dementia, not yet diagnosed properly. She has become really suspicious of people which isn't like her former self.

She won't have carers because they are all out to steal what they can, apparently, and has accused the gardener of theft (not to his face, fortunately). When the things he was supposed to have stolen turned up, clearly moved by her, she claimed he had put them back out of guilt.

A cousin and I have POA and she's been happy with this for years, but is now starting to suggest that we are playing off against each other - we're not - or are keeping her from her money. She also thinks the bank have taken her money and she can't get it out again. We have no idea where this has come from, she can't explain it to us.

Is this common or normal?

PS Hello to everyone here, I have a feeling I'll be on the Elderly Parents threads a lot from now on. Sympathies to everyone else coping with elderly relatives.

[Clobbered]

Yes, sorry, this sort of behaviour is typical of dementia. Is she going to be assessed for a proper diagnosis?

[CMOTDibbler]

I'm afraid that paranoia is very common in dementia. I think, certainly for my mum, it must be a way of processing the confusion of things 'not working', 'disappearing' or just being wrong to her when shes lost skills or forgets where or what things are. Everything is my poor dads fault.

[Greydog]

I'm sorry to read this - and my Mum was the same. She thought that the people in the next house had reported her to the police for murdering children. She would go to the local police station to hand herself in. The police were incredibly good with her, and as one bobby told me - they had several oldies who "gave themselves up" on a regular basis. How sad. I wish you luck in getting something sorted for her

[FannyFifer]

Unfortunately yes this is really really common and often one of the first signs of dementia.

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

Thank you for your replies. I had a feeling it was fairly common, and remember an elderly family friend behaving in the same way.

Not sure when we'll get a proper diagnosis, my cousin is fairly experienced as this is her field of work, and we'd have to get our aunt there by subterfuge.

It's hard work, isn't it?

[Needmoresleep]

Blaming others, getting angry, depression all seem to be common in early dementia. I assume a mix of stress and trying to work out what is going on.
Diagnosis, acknowledgement and acceptance and Aricept helped, as did making life simpler. Eg taking over day to day admin, and sheltered living where there is company, a good lunch and not too much that needs to be remembered.

Getting to that point though is not easy. In DMs case and others it took a crisis.

I like your user name

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

Needmoresleep I like your name, too: it could so easily be mine!

All admin is taken over, I think that's part of the problem. Yesterday she was convinced that she had no insurance, although not sure why she was worried when I asked. I deal with it, and have done for a few years. She was forgetting where to file all the paperwork and we'd find it hidden in all sorts of places round the house. Bank statements are currently in the bread bin as the burglars won't think to look there.

Unfortunately she won't even consider a move from her too-large house. She's lonely (both my cousin and I live about 70 miles away) and gets very depressed. The smallest problem which she would have dealt with easily in the past becomes a major crisis now. I dread the phone ringing.

I totally agree about it needing a crisis. At the moment we have no idea how or when that will happen. We worry that she will have a serious fall but she won't use a walking frame, and her house only has an upstairs toilet. The building work to put in a downstairs one would be too much to cope with.

Can't see it getting any easier.

I really appreciate the threads in this section, it helps to know we're not alone and to share information.