MIL, 85, has had carers coming in for the last 5 weeks as she has mobility issues. She can barely walk, even with a walking frame. She sometimes sinks to the floor, and has to be lifted up - usually by my DH. FIL can't (he's 89) and carers are not allowed to. FIL helps her on and off a commode during the day as required. To move her he pulls her across the floor on a dining chair. (Yes, at 89!). We have established that she has not been taking her pills properly (she blames FIL!). We've got her onto the weekly cassette which the local pharmacy delivers.
She has lately decided she's had enough and has complained to us, to the social worker and to the carers themselves that she just wants people to stop interfering and leave her alone to get on with her own life. MIL has developed an intense dislike of several of the carers, which doesn't help anyone. Today the SW told DH that MIL was offered intensive physio and rehab but she refused. SW also told DH PIL refused to have a community alarm. MIL is deluding herself that she can cope - she thinks FIL will help her dress, go to the toilet etc when in fact he's really stressed and this is an unfair burden.
DH (only child) is currently refusing to visit them again on the grounds that MIL is refusing to cooperate and has refused all help offered. She has become extremely self-centred, obstinate and ungrateful.
Should I leave the 3 of them to sort it out among themselves?
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Elderly parents
PIL - difficult situation
4 replies
emess · 22/05/2013 20:05
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