So, my 85 yr old Dad broke his hip in a fall last September. He lives in the UK, I live in Ireland (and am an only child). I've been going back and forth between countries ever since, two weeks there, two weeks here, a month there, a month here and so on - making sure I'm there for all his various Dr's appointments (he has prostate cancer) and so on. I just got home from a month over there - arrived back yesterday, with a return date in a month's time. I've managed to get a daily carer to come in (thanks to Social Services) to make sure he takes his meds in the right order at the right time. So there's the background.
Now, Dad drinks. I wouldn't say he's an alcoholic (could be wrong, but it doesn't really matter), he's just got into this routine of drinking, because he's bored (won't go out, doesn't get many visitors) - and some days he's fine - but others he'll drink all night and all day. Anyway - the month I was there, he had his good days and bad days, but on the whole was OK. Today, I phone him to get his usual Tesco's order (he gives me a list, I order it online, it gets delivered to him), and he's pissed as a newt, and has fallen over and hurt his head - blood everywhere he says. Doesn't seem to be concussed, and I've phoned the carers and asked them to check on the cut on his head in the morning.
I feel like I should get on the next plane back to him - but I have a husband here who I hadn't seen for a month until yesterday, and I'm bloody exhausted (mentally). I just can't believe that the very next day after I come home, this has happened. He said he knew it was because he'd been drinking, and has promised (again) to cut down - 'it's bloody silly' he said. Yes, it is.
I just wish there were two of me, one to be here and one to be there. I love Dad, he's been a brilliant father to me and I am doing everything I can to make sure he's safe and cared for (organised a Carelink alarm, and a cooker alarm in case he leaves it on, pressure cushion being delivered tomorrow for his pressure sore, caused by never moving out of his recliner, got the daily carer coming in etc. etc.). He's fine when I'm there (though when I went out for a day he managed to arrange a dentist's appointment for when I wouldn't be there to take him, and at the same time the pressure cushion was being delivered), but it's almost as though he's deliberately having crises as soon as I leave him. I had just begun to relax and chill a bit today, after some time out with DH, and now I'm sitting here feeling like the worst daughter on the planet because I wasn't there to stop him falling...
So, anyway, am having a vent here because I can't think of anywhere else to have it. Gawd knows what the next 30 days hold - the last time I'd planned a month at home I ended up going back after 2 weeks because he was forgetting to eat and losing weight rapidly - but I really need to spend time with my DH (who is being a star during all this, very understanding, very supportive, although he is in the pub right now...lol).
So - here's my scream - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!! Thanks for reading if you got this far - am sure I'll feel better about it all in the morning after the carer has checked Dad's head - just needed a vent (and a large vodka - like father, like daughter, I guess!). And breathe...
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Elderly parents
Just need to scream for a moment...
5 replies
FurryDogMother · 22/05/2013 19:06
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