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Elderly parents

Of everything, why is it this that has me in tears?

16 replies

CMOTDibbler · 15/05/2013 12:33

Its my ds's 7th birthday on Monday. Mum has always been the one to do cards, so I reminded dad and asked him to send a card.

One arrived today in mums handwriting (such as it is now), but not with the right name on it. So I slit it open to check.

And its written to the wrong name, and signed from Aunty mumsname and Uncle dadsname. I burst into tears.

I knew she'd lost dh's name, but that shes lost ds's and the relationship is just such a kicker.

OP posts:

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HumphreyCobbler · 15/05/2013 12:49

I am so sorry, no wonder you are upset. I don't know what to say, but this vile illness is so cruel.

Needmoresleep · 15/05/2013 12:52

Awful. Poor you. It is an inch by inch bereavement.

ajandjjmum · 15/05/2013 13:08

That must be so hard for you. I'm so sorry.

CMOTDibbler · 15/05/2013 13:56

I had a terrible dilemma too - should I tell dad or not. And I did - he nearly cried too. Said he didn't think to check it, but even as she wrote the envelope the 'address book wouldn't tell her the address' though she had the right page open.

Now I need to get someone to write him a card from them - he gets very few as it is as we don't have much actual family. Hopefully my cleaner will step into the breech as usual. She is the granny he doesn't have tbh

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elastamum · 15/05/2013 13:59

Poor you . My late mum used to get confused and worry whether she had sent cards. One year DS2 got 2 cards each with £20 in!

I didnt have the heart to tell her she had sent two

Needmoresleep · 15/05/2013 14:31

That has just happened to us. Offered to give one set back. Mum lucid enough to suggest we held onto it for Christmas and acknowledge that by then she would have forgotten.

CMOTDibbler · 15/05/2013 14:40

Before mum gave up on Amazon, I managed to get three copies of the same book one birthday. Fortunatly I was able to find happy homes for them.

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whataboutbob · 15/05/2013 18:24

It is really awful, the relentless stripping back of someone's memory until they lose virtually all sense of the things that made their life what it was. Dad's going through it, he asked me the other day for how long he'd known me. I thinkhe'sforgetting my mum ( she died 18 years ago). He wil be asking for his grandmother before long as she brought him up and was probably the love of his life.
I went through the process of witnessing my grandfather's decline which ended 6 years ago when he died. I am now starting to remember him at least sometimes as he was before illness engulfed him.

ssd · 15/05/2013 21:08

am, sorry op. I'd send your ds a card!

am in the same position in having hardly any family to send the kids birthday cards, gp's all gone now

I remember the year before my mum died, I had to phone her up and remind her it was my birthday, she didn't have dementia but she was elderly and frail

life is just so sad sometimes

ssd · 15/05/2013 21:10

and then on my last birthday the only thing I got through the post was mums funeral bill

I must have been bad in a previous life

(sorry for hijack)

Theas18 · 15/05/2013 21:13

Have a hug. Happy to send a card too.

Mintyy · 15/05/2013 21:15

Every sympathy to you CMOT. Hope your ds has a fine birthday anyway. Is it any comfort to think that he and your dmum did have a relationship, that they were around to know each other for several years?

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 15/05/2013 21:20

I'm sorry CMOT and everyone else who has gone or going through it. It is a horrible horrible thing to have to deal with. I hope the cleaner does send one in future. We have two neighbours who are stepping into the breach as out of 3 Grandparents, only one sends cards to the DC's. I was gutted last year when Mum forgot my birthday.

SSD, I can only imagine what that must have been like

sallysparrow157 · 15/05/2013 21:24

My grandmother, who was incredibly well until recently when she was desperately ill has very suddenly started being not quite right. Was my birthday last weekend and she wrote the card in English and not adressed to anyone. I've never spoken English to her. I don't think my parents quite know how bad she is getting as they see her every day and I don't. I've not told anyone and I've not put the card up cos I don't want anyone to see. Denial.

CMOTDibbler · 15/05/2013 21:37

Thanks everyone - I have roped in a colleague to post a card. In future I will be organised with a Moonpig card so it comes in the post.

Unfortunatly, ds has never really had a relationship with mum - her dementia became apparent when he was a toddler, and I don't think he'll ever remember her as anything but this. Not that he isn't fond of her, but its not having a grandparent.

SSD, that is awful

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ssd · 16/05/2013 08:05

you know, I did feel awful about it for ages, till recently a girl at work said maybe that was my mum still trying to send me something on my birthday..who knows, but made me feel a bit better.

I'm so sorry for all the girls here suffering the slow loss of your mums from this awful disease, my heart goes out to you all xx

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