It's not the kind of thing you can discuss either, is it? My surviving parent and I have had a difficult relationship and aging hasn't improved things. On the contrary. Like you, I'm trying to keep a safe distance between us rather than openly fall out, but it is tricky. If it weren't for my children, I think I would cut the contact completely. I suppose, if you have never gotten on with a parent and they have done hurtful things, time doesn't really help - unless there is willingness to change/apologise on their part which I can't see ever happening. The only plus in all this is that I'm determined to be a better parent to my children!
Has anyone had the experience of choosing to see less - rather than more - of a parent as they get older?
I have one surviving parent who is in the latter part of their 80s. It was after the death of my other parent that I started realising the two of them had been a damaging couple. Athough the surviving one is, on the surface quite 'nice', there is a very great deal that I cannot forgive.
However my parent would certainly not welcome any conversation that would involve discussion of the past. So at present I am keeping them rather at arm's length....