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Am I handling this right?

(8 Posts)
41notTrendy Sun 17-Feb-13 21:33:39

Thank you, we'll have a look at those organisations. Anything which will stimulate him and lighten the emotional load for mum will be worth pursuing. smile

ivykaty44 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:09:37

not for today, but perhaps would help the situation with your mum - could you find a volunteer group that visit older people?

I guess all of us would get a bit wrapped up in ourselves if we were alone 24/7 without the ability to go out and about at a whim.

Someone else popping in to chat with him or play a game of chess may give your mum a break
www.friendsoftheelderly.ie/our-volunteers/

41notTrendy Sun 17-Feb-13 13:03:20

He has someone go in every day during the week. The afternoon tea sounds lovely, but part of the problem is that he refuses to leave the house. He just wants us or my dm. sad

adele1956 Sun 17-Feb-13 12:48:09

If grandad gets lonely at the weekends, there is a charity, Contact the Elderly who organise sunday afternoon tea parties for older people who are on their own.

Although it doesn't stop him calling you today, or indeed your mum when she gets back, it might give him something else to focus on at weekends if available in your area. Mum has carers in twice a day, as well as us at night, but gets lonely and phones us frequently.

41notTrendy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:25:56

Oh thank you Doris for replying. You seem to really get this situation. I should have also said he's already rung again. I chose not to answer the phone. blush
That's a great idea about giving him the decision I'm sure he'll call again so will ask him. Visitors are here all day, its my best friend, we don't get to see each other much and we're all so looking forward to today. sad

41notTrendy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:25:56

Oh thank you Doris for replying. You seem to really get this situation. I should have also said he's already rung again. I chose not to answer the phone. blush
That's a great idea about giving him the decision I'm sure he'll call again so will ask him. Visitors are here all day, its my best friend, we don't get to see each other much and we're all so looking forward to today. sad

DorisIsWaiting Sun 17-Feb-13 09:17:20

I think you've got it spot on when you say he is attention seeking.

Please don't feel guilty!

How about giving him a choice - I can pop by this afternoon for a few minutes (after visitors) OR for longer tomorrow but I can't do both and tell him to choose.

Sometimes older people living alone can become a little self absorbed (understandable in that they don't need to worry about anyone else anymore). However that does not mean you have to put your life on hold for them. It's a balancing act (and not an easy one).

41notTrendy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:09:56

My grandad is 91. I've posted on here before about how challenging he can be for my dm. She and my ddad have gone away for a much needed holiday, so I'm on grandad duty.
He's a difficult character, his health isn't brilliant,, but he's recently had a couple of days in hospital due to a water and throat infection, and the doctors discharged him commenting on how good he was for his age.
He was awful to my mum when he found out they were going on holiday, he's very good at sulking and emotional blackmail. I know that sounds harsh, but its the best way to describe his behaviour.
He's rung me this morning at half 7. We'd only just woken up so I rang him back at 8. He wants me to go and make his breakfast. After a long, almost argumentative call he started pleading with me to go over because he needed some company. He said mum had told him I'd go straightaway if he rang. (She didn't, she said I'd go if there was an emergency ).
This is what he does to mum on an almost daily basis. He lays the guilt on her, as he has done to me this morning.
He should be in a care home but refuses to go, he just expects one of us to drop everything and attend to him whenever he calls. He has carers during the week but refuses to pay for them to go at the weekend.
I live half an hour away and have a houseful for Sunday lunch so am very loathe to go as I'm 99% sure he's fine, it's just aaarrghh... hate saying this, but he's attention seeking. He doesn't like that mum has gone away. I will call him later and go over tomorrow. But I'm really not sure if I've handled this right.
Thanks for sticking with this if you've read it. Just don't want to trouble my mum and ask her, as she really needs a break from all this. Need to sound it out though smile

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