Changing Primary School Questions??

(15 Posts)
rockinhippy Thu 03-Dec-09 12:42:01

Hi, smile

I'm wondering if any of you can advise on the following,

Long & complicated story, so I won't bore you with the details, but I'm considering changing my Daughters Primary School mainly due to the addition of one Character to her year, that has caused nothing but trouble, constant disruptions, bullying etc etc & even at such a young age, has apparently been expelled from several local Schools for the same sort of behaviour, his Mum not believing Children should be disciplined apparently been the route cause, so though I genuinely believe the School to be a great little School, very approachable etc, & they have done & still are working very hard to resolve problems & they have succeeded a lot,

However on talking to her main teacher this morning, she lied about an issue surrounding this, that affects my Daughter to some extent daily, even when I fronted her on this, she then agreed its happened maybe once....... I personally have witbessed it more than once, & know other parents have witnessed oher incidents too.

& though I am reluctant to move my Daughter, as love the School & she has been very happy & is doing very well academically there, & the problem only been with her year, & is improving, though not completely resolved........& I feel its far better for her to see problems resolved, & my sticking up for her, & getting results,

but this mornings incident has shook my confidence in them somewhat hmm especially as my Daughter is targeted by said Child, Teacher has said "he has a soft spot for her" & DD has owned that she feels responsible for protecting her Teachers from harm sad

There are other upcoming problems, that mean long term proposed building works will affect the playground, possibly for the rest of my Daughters time there, so ATM, I am torn on what to do, but figure a back up plan is a good idea so want to apply to another local School, though I know its oversubscribed so she won't get a place quickly.

How will this work??, how to I go about changing her School, & will her current School be told I have applied?? & how do I find out about class dynamics in her year at the new School?? (current School has outstanding Ofsteds but problem in DDs year)

Thanks

Lulumama Thu 03-Dec-09 12:45:15

hjave you approached the head of year or head of the school about this issue? surely you need ot take other steps before you take your daughter out of school, where you say she is happy and doing well?

any school she attends is going to have a few children who are not well behaved and you have no idea if you are going from the frying pan into the fire

i think you need to try other things before taking her out, especially if there is going to be a wait to get her in somewhere else

MillyMollyMoo Thu 03-Dec-09 12:48:28

Go and look around the other schools and then apply, they will do all the paperwork I understand.

We moved ours this September to private because I had a list of issues, some were to do with an individual child, some were to do with the system as a whole.
Is the grass greener, yes in some ways but certainly no school is perfect and there's plenty of these characters around in all walks of life, I do wonder if we did the right thing from time to time.
Is there really no way you can resolve things ?

mummyrex Thu 03-Dec-09 13:02:58

Given that you seem happy with your school other than the behaviour of one child and how it is being managed. I really sympathise but agree with Lulumama that you need to work up the complaints procedure to see if this can be resolved.

If you a sure you want to move then you simply visit the schools you are interested in. If you like one and it has space then you apply directly to that school (they will provide the forms). If your application is accepted then negotiate a start date and then advise the current school that you are leaving. You are likely to have to start at the new school very quickly as they can't hold a place open for you.

Again, I would try and sort it as I have seen other similar and seemingly impossible situations resolved happily in the end.

rockinhippy Thu 03-Dec-09 13:04:36

Yes, thanks, I've done all that,

including, board of Gov, backing head/School with LEA for more funding, including EWO, (as DD has stress related health issues) etc etc & the School are working hard to resolve a difficult situation, but they are keen to keep the other child in Class, as obviously needs help, which is commendable, but even though improved a lot & they have worked very hard at re building my Daughters shattered confidence, & she she IS still been affected, & despite having a good core group of friends, she actually WANTED to move Schools, as she "is fed up with having lessons spoiled, & she can't concentrate, & hates having to pretend to like the other Child"

I am still not sure I will do that, but was a bit taken aback by the blatant mistruth this Morning & feel getting her name on a list now, rather than later, would be a sensible precaution, especially in the light of up coming disruptions by building works.

though not relevant to my main question, I should maybe also add, that the situation has been extreme, & I personally believe learning coping skills with difficult people at a young age, is no bad thing, & DD has previously been exceptionally confident, & very good at sticking up for herself.

as it currently stands, I am watching the situation carefully, & will decide whats in her best interest based on her health & well being, she is naturally very bright, & gregarious, so she will do well wherever

My question was more about HOW I go about changing, & would her current School be told, as I don't want to risk losing back up she currently has (or I thought she had hmm

thanks again

MillyMollyMoo Thu 03-Dec-09 13:08:46

Well as I said go to the school you want to move to, have a good look around ask if there's a place and if there is apply, they will organise everything else.
Of course the current school will be told but hopeful not until the transfer is complete and she's ready to start.
Honestly they will not careless, we called up to tell the school we were leaving and we didn't even get a call back to discuss it (which I was worried about) they weren't in the slightest bit interested in persuading us to stay.

rockinhippy Thu 03-Dec-09 13:13:04

blush ...I'm slow typing..lol, loads of replies whilst repling to first one

I should of also added to that, I'm expecting its okay to change my mind if issues have been properly resolved by that time.....though TBH, as some of the incidents have been of a mildly sexual nature, & I've stood & watched boys Mum stand & do nothing whilst he attacked staff, so don't believe whilst hes in her care things can be properly resolved, & as he does seem obsessed with DD, I can't help thinking, if he's doing things like he has now at 6, if he's not seriously taken to task, what the ** is he going to be doing by 8 hmm

rockinhippy Thu 03-Dec-09 13:18:01

Thanks MillyMoo

sorry, I'm been a bit thick today blush, does that mean the current School will only be told When a place at new School IS available??, not when I apply??
(We know new School as friends kids are there already, but in different years, so if I can get more info on her year, happy to move there if things still not properly settled down..or better still I'm ashamed to say, the little oik, gone for good blush

MillyMollyMoo Thu 03-Dec-09 13:24:37

Well I think you have to be honest with the new head because we wanted to move ours long before we did, some little cow in DD's year would pinch her then when DD slugged her one back screamed blue murder, went on for years so you have been sympathy, basically the head at where I enquired phoned up the head of where my kids were and told her we wanted a place.
They should respect your wishes but in all honesty by the time you leave you'll be that fed up you won't care either.

rockinhippy Thu 03-Dec-09 13:43:09

Thanks for that Milly Moo, sadly I do really like DDs head, so its good for me to know & be prepared to tell her, I can see she's in a difficult situation, & I really do believe she is very proactive in helping DD, & the boy himself, as have been the teachers, but he is to put it mildly, wild & very wily

& after this morning, beginning to wonder if they now feel playing it down a better strategy, as I know a lot of parents are fed up with it all, & it is worrying the boy is seemingly so obsessed with DD, he was on her like a rash this morning, though friendly, but I know she just wants to not have to deal with him at all, shes been ill so just not up to dealing with much, & I could see she was very uncomfortable with it this morning.

Thanks again for the heads up

carocaro Thu 03-Dec-09 13:47:57

well if you have done all you can do, move her.

if the school can't sort this kid, shame on them.

write everyone involved a strongly worded letter as a last resort.

some teachers know that they will only have to deal with that pupil for one year and then they are off to a new class and teacher, so they don't do anything about it.

you don't have the time to sit around and wait for it to be sorted.

we had a right one on our year last year, school were good, but his behavior was terrible to many kids. after one nasty incident with my DS I talked direct to the mother, in a calm and firm way telling her that her DS was not to talk or touch my DS again. She was mouthy but I said what I wanted to say and left.

thankfully the went to lis on the other side of the world in August and the hwol class breathed a sign of releif.

rockinhippy Thu 03-Dec-09 14:37:29

Thanks Carocaro (& everyone else )

I am going to prepare the ground for moving her, & see what happens between now & a place coming up, but good to know to expect the head to find out,

in fairness, I really do think the Teaching staff & head ARE trying very hard, & are very dedicated, & have a fantastic rep for turning around problem kids, & the situation in class is miles better than it was, & trust me, I written some VERY strong letters already..... but sadly I doubt that whilst this kid is still there, its ever going to go back to what it was, & I have less confidence I can rely on the Teacher herself is been straight with me after this Morning's incident.

There are other problem Kids in class, they have admitted the year does have more than its fair share, but nothing that has phazed my Daughter, nor that the Teachers couldn't cope with previous to this boy joining the class.....DD & her friends have all said that he makes everyone else behave far worse, & daily he's seen doing something even just be us parents at pick-up/ drop-off time. things most kids wouldn't dare even think about........

he is also very wily.....DD has even told me, that he hisses & whispers behind the head another boy, until he kicks off & has started smashing furniture around the room until the class had to be taught in the Corridor.....DD thinks is this particular boy is SN. as in XXX is just like J, so its not his fault...J been our friends Autistic Son....... I've no idea if she is right or not, but thats just an example of the sort of stuff that this child does that affects the whole class, though that has improved a lot, with extra LEA funding, DD still complains XX still is acting up & disrupting the class, but the Teachers just don't see what he does as he winds others up instead of doing it himself.

& as for the Mother, TBH I seriously wonder if she is a sandwich short of a picnic hmm so not much point, as she has told others, she doesn't believe children should be disciplined, as they "should be free spirits" & though I've thought of collaring her earlier when DD was being targeted physically, at the time I was about to, I saw her Son fire a load of bile at her, that many adults would not dare use.. for not bringing him chocolate, ...I was gobsmacked that she actually apologized to the little oikshock

Sorry to see others dealing with this sort of stuff too.....but I can so relate to breathing a sigh of relief when this Childs not there, often takes longer holidays travelling etc, & it is so nice to see how happy the other kids all are without him,

MillyMollyMoo Thu 03-Dec-09 15:00:18

The brat in question at my DD's school threw stones at her mother and made her mum drive home to get her purse to buy a book from the book fayre, which would have been on the next day.
I pray this child doesn't end up in the same secondary school because we have lived here for 5 years for that sole aim and haven't really the money for private school for 10 years.

The apple never falls far from the tree IME hence why the parents don't see the problem.

Just be careful you don't jump out of the frying pan into the fire. There could well be a kid like this one at the new school....

Insider333 Thu 03-Dec-09 23:08:14

I'm a teacher. Move your child as soon as possible! As the saying goes: "A change is as good as a rest." You child does not need to be victimised. Sadly, and wrongly lots of teachers ignore problems as they do not want to appear to be able to manage the behaviour of the children in their class; they also know that there isn't the will from the head teacher to do anything worthwhile as this reflects badly on the head teacher. The problem child will end up receiving special treatment to the detriment of all the other children. Good luck.

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