hiding under another name, not because im ashamed just dont want anyone who may know me checking out my other posts.
ok well its a long story. ds is 8 this year. he used to go to our local school (only for a few months when he was four). i had been in my full time job for years and i suddenly didnt have any childcare. i had to move him to another school, i had no choice, i needed to work and could only get childcare in the area of the other school. i must have cried for three weeks solid but it worked out fine. his grandparents lived by the other school and i had plans of moving down there too.
now everything has changed. i am not with the partner i would have been moving down there with, i have another child (a baby) and my parents have moved up here around the corner from me. now i know for sure that i will not be moving closer to that school in the next three years and there is no way ds will be able to attend the same secondary school as his friends. (its even further away). someone commented that it would perhaps be better to move him back to our local school sooner rather than later so he can make friends and have people he knows to go to our local secondary school with. i dismissed the idea straight away as i dont want to keep pushing him around. the childminder he currently has told me also that she is giving up minding. thats not too much of a problem, i have a new part time job and he could go to the after school group.
the more i think about it however, the more it makes sense to move him.
he would be back at a school 5 mins from our house.
i wouldnt have to rely on my mother to take him every morning (i dont drive), she would be able to get to work earlier and leave earlier. good because she works too much and needs a rest (she says she doesnt mind but that isnt the point).
he wouldnt need childcare, i could pick him up two days and his grandad would pick him up the other three (he adores grandad). (money isnt a problem but he would like to go to grandads house more than a childminder or after school club).
when he started secondary he would be going up with friends, not totally alone.
it would be easier for me to get to work in the morning now i cant get away with such flexible hours.
i had made up my mind in the last few days that this was for the best. i put it to ds and he seemed fine with it, for a gentle child hes as hard as nails underneath. i thought that it would benefit him in the long run (this was my main reason) the other things would just be a bonus really. where education is concerned i dont think there is too much difference between the schools, ive heard good and bad things about both. i phoned the local school, they are happy to have him back. i then phoned his current school and by the end of the conversation with the secretary i was in tears. (oh dear, starting again now). she said they would be very sad to lose him and tried to help offering me alternatives. i know she is going to say this as they obviously dont want to lose children. i assured her it was nothing to do with the standards of the school but that i thought it would be in his best interests in the end.
i came away from the phone feeling like the most awful mum in the world.
its breaking my heart. just like it did three years ago. i dont know what to do now. am i being selfish to move him? or am i being selfish keeping him there?
he makes friends easily and at the local school, there are people he already knows and live near. he wouldnt be short of friends. i know he would be fine...i just cant help feeling so guilty.
sorry im rambling but im quite upset!
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broken hearted at mo, please tell me if im being selfish?
12 replies
distressedmother · 10/03/2005 11:13
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