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Education

Changing your childrens schools, anyone done it and is it as damaging as some people make out

18 replies

fairyfly · 11/01/2005 12:44

Im going to be changing my kids schools in the future, if not now then definetly within the next two years. They will both be in infants, has anyone had any experience of this. My eldest age 5 has many friends and will be sad but do they get over it? Can it really set them back a lot or can it be a positive thing, some people treat me as if it is the cruelest thing possible in child rearing. Thanks for any advice.

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PlainFlum · 11/01/2005 12:46

Not done it but did move schools few times when I was a kid. It was fine, bit difficult at first of course but thats life I spose.

You can't stay in same place for 12 years just coz of kids. They/we adapt v. well to change and good lessons for life I spose.

fairyfly · 11/01/2005 12:47

Thanks flum, just what i wanted to hear

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Marina · 11/01/2005 12:49

I think that if the change is for the benefit of you guys as a family unit then it can be a really positive thing, ff. It happens so often, for all sorts of good reasons, that it can hardly traumatise children permanently.
And, the younger the better, IMO. They will obviously miss friends more at 10 than they would at five.
OK, ds does still miss his best friend who relocated to another country at the end of the Reception year. But it has not impeded his general enthusiasm for life.
Please ignore other people's comments ff.

weightwatchingwaterwitch · 11/01/2005 12:49

Ff, we moved when ds was 6 and he changed schools (and houses and from countryside to city!) He was a bit nervous the first day but I asked to stay with him, which I did until about 11am, when he wanted me to go. His teacher made another child responsible for helping him settle in so that was nice too. They're still great friends. BUT, no-one showed him where the loo was, so I mentioned it the next day and the lovely teacher was most apologetic. Ds is fine now (and was at the time, a bit nervous the first day but ok after that) and loves his new school and has lots of friends so in our case it's worked out absolutely fine. I don't think it's cruel AT ALL!

beachyhead · 11/01/2005 12:50

We moved after reception and she did take a long time to get over it - but now (in Year 3) she is fine and happy. I actually think it depends on the child a lot - we said after that experience that we wouldn't move dd again, but ds, I think you could move him to a new planet and he would be OK...... in fact, there's an idea>

karenanne · 11/01/2005 12:50

hi fairyfly.
my dd was due to start reception in sep this year with all her friends she'd made in playschool.my ex and i split up the weekend before she was due to start and subsequently me and my kids have moved back to my parents house till i find us a place.she was a day late starting her new school where she didnt know anyone ,and i felt really guilty ,she had to deal with her parents splitting up and a new school all in a few days.

she has coped amazingly lol much better than i have lol,she made friends really quickly and is doing really well.

Poshpaws · 11/01/2005 12:50

Not sure about school, ff, but did this recently with DS for nursery.

At first he was really excited about going somewhere new, but then after a couple of days, he thought he would be going back to his old nursery. 2 months on, he is much more settled, but I was surprised at how much my confident little boy had been initially affected by the move. Your children will be older, so maybe it would be easier to keep explaining how great it will be...and they will understand better.

I felt really guilty because we moved him for our convenience (geography, new baby on the way, nearer my new job) and not because the old nursery was crap, but have not regretted our decision as it will be the best thing in the long run.

Good luck.

weightwatchingwaterwitch · 11/01/2005 12:50

And we moved when I was 9 and my sisters were 7 and 5 and we were all fine and settled in our new schools (different ones, there were infants and juniors then).

lisalisa · 11/01/2005 12:53

Message withdrawn

fairyfly · 11/01/2005 12:57

The eldest was a real struggle when he started reception but like you kare, his parents had just split up and he was so insecure, that took about 6 months to sort out. I would hate to see him in that state again but im hoping it all made him a little stronger. I will have to move but in the back of my head i have this terrible guilt about it all, thanks everyone for malking me feel better. You never know if your making the right decisions, the downfall of being a parent i suppose. Nice to hear so many positive stories.

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fairyfly · 11/01/2005 12:58

Lisalisa, brilliant idea you sound like you handled it all perfectly, glad it worked out for you

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fairyfly · 11/01/2005 13:00

I think it will be year three and year one, year one boy sounds like yours though beachy head, he wont leave a supermarket without announcing at the doors goodbye to everyone.

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suedonim · 11/01/2005 15:02

All four of mine have changed school at varying points, from age 5 to age 17. Only one was a disaster, 15yo dd1. She was put back a year, for no real reason, but also the fact it was an international move for us compounded her unhappiness. Otherwise, they have all settled in well. In fact I think if the parent maintains a positive attitude and the child is well prepared, it can be a good experience, helping them to learn to be flexible and adapatable to changing situations.

Piffle · 11/01/2005 15:05

my son has changed schools twice, they do miss their friends, but that's life, you are always leaving something behind in life so I do not think it is a bad thing for kids to come to terms with early on.
My son adapted well both times, esp this time as he was unhappy at his previous school.
Next yr he is off to secondary school so all change again, at least he's well prepared!!!
Where are you moving to FF?

lou33 · 11/01/2005 16:05

ff i have done this with dd1 and dd2. They were upset to leave friends behind, but made new ones very quickly, and in fact they are closer to the new ones than they ever were to the old ones. Don't think it is cruel at all. You are doing this to make a better life for everyone, and it will be

fairyfly · 11/01/2005 16:40

All i know is out of my village piffle, applying for uni so will se where i get in, i flit from staying nearby to moving to brighton, bristol. I just cant stay in my village for longer than two more tears.

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FineFigureFio · 11/01/2005 16:45

try not to worry FF, I am sure both your bys will be fine

tallulah · 11/01/2005 18:10

two of my boys changed school to start Y3 (different schools & at different times). Neither of them knew anyone, but it wasn't a problem.

three of mine also changed district at 11 for secondary school, so didn't have friends from primary going with them, & again none had any problems.

I don't think it's as big a deal as you think, IYSWIM

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