Settling into daycare nursery - advice needed

[grommit]

I posted a while back about dd leaving her beloved childminder and starting full-time daycare. I am planning to still send her to the cm 1 day per week but the other 4 she will be at nursery. I took her to see the nursery a few months ago and she liked it but today we had another short visit and she announced she did not like it and did not want to go (she is nearly 3). She will start in January and I am starting to panic - does anyone have any tips for settling the child into nursery. I am not sure how long to leave her for at first and whether to stay with her etc...Thanks!

[grommit]

well, no responses to my last posting - will try again. DD has just started daycare nursery and seems to be happy. When I drop her off in the morning she can be a little clingy but is easily distracted and this morning she actually told me to go! She says she likes it and has not even mentioned going back to the childminder.
My only concern is that she is sleeping badly - waking every few hours and wanting me to sit with her - this is unusual she is usually a good sleeper. I am worried that she is inwardly disturbed by the changes. Am I just being a paranoid mum?

[elliott]

Only thing I can think of is that nursery is a very stimulating and tiring environment - perhaps she's getting overtired and this is causing her to have broken sleep? How does she seem at the end of the day - is there any scope for a slightly earlier bedtime?
Hope things settle down for you both.

[grommit]

Thanks Elliot - you make a good point - she seems to want go to bed later and is quite hyper - could be over-tired. Will try putting her to bed earlier and prepare for major tantrums!

[grommit]

sorry but had to post again - I am feeling so upset. dd is still not sleeping at night and has become very clingy. I just left her at nursery screaming and crying. Will this get any better?

[LizC]

Hi Grommitt - I don't have experience of settling a 3 year old into nursery as my dd is only 9 months. She started at nursery at 6 months (when I went back to work) and although she seemed ok at nursery we had disturbed nights for several weeks, so we thought like you that she was perhaps 'inwardly disturbed' by the change. This did stop though and she settled in and now she absolutely loves nursery (although we did have to change nurseries due to travelling distances and the new nursery is nicer). Our current nursery offers free settling in sessions before a child starts - we had 3 and if there were any problems they would have offered more, but that doesn't help you now. Can you ring them up after you've left her to see how she's going if you've left her crying? I know people often say that they actually stop 5 minutes after mum has left and are fine, but all you can think about is the image of leaving them there crying and you feel that they've been unhappy for the rest of the day, when perhaps they've actually been fine?

[Inkpen]

Grommit, I do feel for you as somewhere on here I posted once about my dd's complete refusal to accept starting nursery (she was just 2) and I'm only now about to make a second attempt (she's now 3 and a bit and starts next week). I would agree about the over-tired bit, also that she may be so mentally stimulated by the new environment that her mind is fizzing. But also, even if she's happy, it is a big change and that may be showing up in her sleep - you know, the 2am syndrome when as an adult you wake and worry over a problem that seems OK by day. Lots of cuddles and reassurances, as I'm sure you are doing - they often start well and have a reaction a week or so in, when the novelty has worn off. And yes, make sure you can ring in to check she's stopped crying. Everyone tells you it gets better but there is nothing so distressing as having to walk away and leave your child crying. What's your nursery doing about this? It's up to them to help both of you deal with the change.
Good luck. It will get better.

[cas1968]

Hi Grommit,

I have been through exactly the same situation, although I didn't have the sleep problems.
I sent ds to a childminder until he was 3 and then changed to Nursery. I had the same thing as you with the introductory visits, the first time he loved it, the second time he didn't. When it came to the day, however, he loved it. Well, that lasted for about a week and then the second week, he would cling to me when I took him and we even had tears. It only lasted a few days and,once we were over this hurdle, we never looked back. Did your dd know any of the other children at the Nursery before she started? Maybe she is feeling a little insecure because she doesn't have any "special" friends yet? I would just give her lots of support and encouragement and stick with it. Speak to the Staff as well. How is she once you've gone? I'm sure if she was miserable all day/session they would have spoken to you by now.

Let us know how you get on. Take care. Carol

[grommit]

Thanks everyone. Feeling better today as dd is back at the childminder - the idea was not to totally break away from the childminder but send her one day per week for a few weeks as I thought this would help the transition. Now I am not so sure - may cause a setback.
I have spoken with the staff and they are really working on integrating dd into the group - they feel she is doing pretty well.
I think I am more distressed at the moment because of other factors such as dh's pending redundancy, moving offices to a central London location and having to make people redundant myself. This is all not helping. Thanks for listening!