Depserate for advice

[feistyblue]

I'm new here and really need some advice about my ds who is 6 and in year 2 at a private school.

He joined the school in November of last year, having spent his reception year at a state school.

When he first started at this school, he needed lots of encouragement to actually carry out written work. Verbal work,activities and reading were never a problem and the school state that he is in the top groups for all the core skills, English, maths, reading. He frequently required the teaching assistant or teacher to sit with them in order to complete the written work. On a few occasions, particularly in maths, he would end up not having done a single sum.

This resolved itself in that by the end of year 1, 90% of the time he was completing all the work, with the odd day where he was not and the teacher was pleased with this.

However, since the start of year 2 in September, things have seriously deteriorated and he now rarely completes any written work at school. Since returning to school after half term last Wednesday things have goen rapidly downhill.


On 3 occasions since last week he has actually ran out of the classroom and hid for upto 15 minutes immediately prior to being asked to do written work, either maths or English. On Wednesday he actually ripped his maths work book up and put it in the bin because "he didn't want to do the work".

At home, I have no problems whatsoever getting him to do homework of any subject, maths or English. He completes the work easily and quickly with no difficulties.

The head of early years believes he has a high IQ and would like him tested by an educational psychologist to check his IQ and to see if he has any particular learning difficulties.

Whilst I am happy to do this, I don't believe that he has a learning difficulty as at home he clearly has no problem doing the written work.

His vocabulary and understanding and general knowledge are very high for his age, and he reads exceptionally well. His spelling is also very good.

When asked why he runs away he immediately answers "because I don't want to do the work. I hate maths its hard and I hate writing its hard"

Again though, this doesn't tie up with what I see at home.

The school set up a sticker book system for him on Wednesday and every teacher that teaches writes in the book and at the end of the day the head of early years allocates him 1 or 2 stickers depending on his overall behaviour. He has 4 targets to meet, 1, Not to run away, 2, Not to use inappropriate language, 3, To obey instructions and 4, to attempt all work.

He got 2 stickers yesterday which he was really pleased. Today he went to school in a really good mood, was very positive about how he was going to have a great day and behave.

The school called at 11 and asked me to pick him up. They said he had been appalling and for the safety of him and the other children they felt he needed to be removed today.

Apparently he had refused to do his spelling test, pushed his books on the floor, kicked a child whilst changing for play time and in playtime been involved in a fight with another child.

The school say he pushed this child over and started kicking and hurting him.

He says that the ball was snatched from him, he chased the boy, the boy lay down over the ball to protect it from being taken, ds tried to take it back, the boy scratched and slapped him on the face ( and ds has lots of large red marks on his cheek). Two very different stories.

He was absolutely hysterical when I arrived to pick him up.

DS is not a violent child at all, I have never ever known him to hit anyone. He was in fact bullied by another child last year and at the begining of this term, and this was always physical, with ds coming home bleeding, bruised, cut etc.

I just don't understand where this has suddenly come from since last week. Nothing has happened at home.

I am so upset and distraught by this, sorry for waffling and I hope someone can offer some advice.

[NomDePlume]

I was going to ask about bullying, is he being bullied at the school ? Sorry, I wish I could be of more help, I'm sure someone helpful will be along soon....

Welcome to Mumsnet

[marialuisa]

really can't advise, but agree that something is wrong. Are the school 100% sure he isn't being bullied again?

[Shimmy21]

Could he be developing a bit of a work phobia? It sounds like he is doing anything he can to avoid having to put pen to paper not out of any kind of naughtiness or laziness but more from a fear of making mistakes or getting things wrong. Does he like his class teacher this year? What is the school suggesting that they do to help? The sticker reward sytem sounds very positive. Perhaps the school could break down his targets to even smaller chunks (e.g.sit down for 5 minutes, complete 1 sentence or whatever is approprate and achievable at this stage) and build up from there. just a thought???

[Tickle]

bump

can't offer any advice I'm afraid, just a {hug}

[feistyblue]

The school as so sure he isn't being bullied that they have gone as far as to imply that he wasn't being bullied in the first place, despite the fact it took weeks for them to do anything about it!

It only seems to be Maths and english he refuses to do, and most frequently maths.

The sticker system is their solution to this problem. But in all honesty although he likes praise, stickers don't really bother him.

He says he likes his teacher this year but not as much as last years who unfortunately is on maternity leave, which is a shame as she could give them great pointers on getting him to work!

The strange thing is that some times he will do all the work. Yesterday for examply he not only did all the maths but was the first out of the whole class to finish! Which is unbelievably good as he is usually last. He rarely gets anything wrong in any subject which is why the head of early years wants his IQ tested. His class teacher doesn't believe his has a much higher than average IQ though.

He did eventually do the spelling test today and got 20/20 easily as I knew he would,as he had been getting them right in homework all week!

The violence today has concerned me more than anything.I'm just at a lost.

[PocketTasha]

If your not having any problems at home chances are it not a learning difficulty as such but perhps an out side factor.. He says it's hard, Maybe he's finding concentrating hard? could be a mild form of add (attention deficit disorder) (not as bad as it sounds). Apparently very bright children are more likely to suffer. Or it could be something simple like perhaps he needs glasses. If the teacher is writing on a board at the front of the class he may be saying it'd hard cos he can't read it. I hope this helps a bit. good luck.

[PocketTasha]

The violence was probably born out of the frustration. Are English and Maths usually done closer to the end of the day at his school?

[feistyblue]

He has mentioned that he finds it hard to concentrate because of noise in the classroom sometimes, but because he causes some of it sometimes, the teacher has dismissed this.

His eyes are fine, they are tested yearly due to family history of needing glasses young - my father at 9 months, myself at 2 years.

English and Maths are done every day obviously and it really does vary. Yesterday and today maths was done first thing, same with english.

I don't know, but I think they neither is the last lesson of any day, but I can check.

Mild ADD is an interesting idea, I've worked with children for 12 years myself, so I'm not sure that could be it, but will keep an open mind. At home, he can concentrate on one thing for hours, literally, like drawing, reading etc. He has always been able to do this since he was 2. Since starting school his concentration levels have noticeably diminished at school though.

[marialuisa]

Did your DS have probs of this kind when he was in the state sector? Is it poss there is something about this school that just doesn't suit him?

Their attitude about the bullying sounds very strange.

[PocketTasha]

mmm, it's certainly a tough one, how long ago was his last eye test? could have anything have happened since it? If he's saying the noise distracts him then it makes me think the add is all the more possible, especially if he is getting angry too. I feel sorry for him cos from what you said he's obviously very clever and it does sound like he is getting frustrated with not knowing why he feels the way he does. Another possibility is that he has a mild hearing problem. Perhaps his ears should be tested. You'll know with working with kids that the ones with high IQ'S tend to bored more easily. Even if he's saying it'd hard, it could just be boring to him.

[Jimjams]

If he says the noise of the classroom bothers him have a look at hyperacusis and auditory integration therapy. I can put you in touch with someone who is very sympathetic to this problem- contact me offlist if you want more details. She can also help with auditory integration therapy at a much cheaper rate than normal (don't worry I don't get comission from her- I have an autistic son and I went to her for help!).

The other thought I have is that he sounds as if he is a bit of a perfectionist. And the only other thing I can say is that I have a friend with a 5 year old son in year 1- who has almost identical problems with regard the written work - he often destroys what he does or refuses to do it. I think the school are taking a smiliar approach- with praising etc.

[jabberwocky]

Probably a long shot here since he does do well on the work when he does it but how about mild dyslexia?