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Boarding school - qs for those who have been or who have sent their kids...

74 replies

CountessDracula · 13/10/2004 23:53

Just wondered

If you went, did you like it and why - or did you not like it and if not, why not?

If your children go, why did you send them? And do they like it? If they don't, what do you do about it?

Dh, dbrother and I have been talking about this all night and I would be interested in your views.

OP posts:
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MissHoolie · 13/10/2004 23:56

I loved it. I went for 4 years. Gave me a great grounding for being independent. Met people from all over the country. It was like an extended family. We thought we were very daring if we went in to town without permission but when I look back now it was very innocent. There were times when I hated it but I don't think I would change it if I could.

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FairyMum · 14/10/2004 07:17

I expect a lot of people will have opinions on this eventhough they haven't been to boarding school themselves. I know quite a few people who have been to boarding school and I think what characterises them all is that they are independent and sociable, but they are also emotionally quite detached and have difficulties forming deeper and lasting friendships.
I personally think Boarding school is a horrible British thing which most people in other European countries cannot understand. No doubt a lot of boarding school people will post and say it was a wonderful experience for them, but I don't think it's anything wonderful about sending their children away.

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geekgrrl · 14/10/2004 07:53

I hated it mostly - just went for the sixth form and found a lot of the people to be boorish snobs (bet they were all on the countryside march! ) - also outrageously xenophobic (even the teachers). I didn't fit in well which is a bit of a nightmare when you don't get to go home at the end of the day.
I also couldn't cope with the petty rules - their sole purpose seemed to me to breed 'yes-sayers' and people being disloyal to their peers.
I did have good friends, but they were other underdogs. There was also a culture of hidden sexual debauchery, particularly amongst the younger children (12+). The school had 'socials' occasionally with other boarding schools and the usual theme was that you had to 'get off' with at least 15 different people, that sort of thing, which I found really shoking (I'm really not prude, but these kids were so young).

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ggglimpopo · 14/10/2004 08:18

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marialuisa · 14/10/2004 08:48

Went from age 8 until age 14. Various o-ed and girls' schools. I absolutely hated it, mainly because it just wasn't home. I was sent as a compromise between my mum and dad-he wouldn't fight for custody if she agreed to send me away to school. Dad would have sent me away if he'd got custody anyway...I was bribed by being allowed a pony to take with me. I really didn't want a pony that badly.

i hated the petty rules, the tyranny of the senior pupils, the lack of privacy and lemming culture.

Amusingly the school I left when i finallly rebelled (just refused to go back and mum supported me) has a real drink/drugs problem as most of the pupls are extremely wealthy but extremely neglected. One Japanese pupil hadn't been home for 3 years and had less than perfect English but couldn't communicate properly in Japanese either.

After I left I didn't have any contact with my dad for 6 years because I was terrified about what his reaction would be and that if I saw him again he'd try and force me back to boarding school.

Oddly enough I'd send DD to the local sink school (3 Arson attacks by pupils so far this term) rather than a boarding school.

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bakedpotato · 14/10/2004 09:22

i went from 11. my parents were abroad and didn't have much choice (plus i'd read too many mallory towers and was agitating). i 'chose' the school, a co-ed. totally echo what someone else has said abt lemming culture. in retrospect was v unhappy for first 4 years still feel sick remembering coping with airport goodbyes, then the flight, then homesickness with jetlag then loved the sixth form, at which point people had grown up and become more individual.
but i suspect i'd have hated any school between 11 and 15. girls are just the pits at that age.
i don't think it has made me socially easy, either -- i have a horror of group situations now

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ggglimpopo · 14/10/2004 09:38

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tangerinecath · 14/10/2004 09:47

I went to boarding school from the age of 9 as my dad was in the army and the constant moving of schools was causing me problems. I was happy at first (like bakedpotato I'd read too much Mallory Towers) but by the time I reached my teenage years I felt I didn't really fit in (I was a bit geeky and my parents had a lot less money than some). I spent my time fading into the background so that people would leave me alone and I was left very shy and lonely. I also remember being very bored during the holidays as I had no friends at home. I'll be sending dd to our local schools as I feel that social interaction and friends at home are just as important as academic achievement.

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pamina3 · 14/10/2004 09:50

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foxinsocks · 14/10/2004 10:11

I loved boarding school (went sporadically throughout school career but longest, unbroken period was sixth form).

I think it depends alot on the type of child. My parents were overseas so I had no obvious escape in the UK so I think I really buckled down and got involved with all the school could offer. I loved the fact that I could do any after school activity without having to check if I could get a lift and whether it fitted in with my sibling's plans. I made some good friends (though admittedly I was never one of the most popular). I too had my fair share of sneaking out to the pub but I looked so young at the time, I was never really going to get into much trouble!

Over my time at school (and as I said, I wasn't always at a boarding school), I have definitely met some people who hated boarding school and who it definitely didn't suit. But I used to have a terrible relationship with my parents and boarding school really changed my attitude towards them - I had a lot more respect for them and found myself getting on with them much better when I saw them! I think I liked boarding school because I was very much my own boss and I loved that.

My children are too young to go to boarding school. Personally, I think primary (or prep) age is too young and we couldn't afford it anyway!

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geekgrrl · 14/10/2004 10:13

oh yeah agree with marialuisa re. drugs - I originally went to boarding school because the relationship with my parents had gone rocky - they'd found out that I sometimes smoked pot (which was apparently a total disaster but it is ok for my dad to get pissed nearly every night... some logic that was). They suspected me of being into all sorts of other drugs, which I certainly wasn't. I was then quite amused to see these rich kids into cocaine, speed etc at boarding school. Also couldn't believe the drinking culture amongst the younger ones.

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Shimmy21 · 14/10/2004 10:50

I went too (all girls Victorian prison camp)and what strikes me is that the majority of people who've repsonded here hated it as much as I did. (In fact later I went to a boys school for the 6th form and loved that!) I was sent because I was an only child and my parents thought I needed to be with others my own age. Does anyone else here have the feelings of resentment to their parents that I did for farming them out? They knew I was miserable there but didn't bring me home because that was what had happened to them as kids too. I feel they missed out on my whole teenage phase and I grew up too independently. We are quite a distant family now even though very fond of each other.

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bakedpotato · 14/10/2004 10:57

hmm, shimmy, i wonder whether it was the boarding we all hated, or just being teenagers? i don't know anyone apart from a few freaks who loved school between the age of 12-17, whether they went to day or b/s.

glad though that i knew my parents found it diff to send me. i always understood why they had done it. i did feel sorry for classmates whose parents lived an hour's drive away!

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Ameriscot2004 · 14/10/2004 11:01

I was a day girl at a boarding school, and I'd say that the boarders were very happy. We were all terribly jealous of them for their fantastic social life. I don't think there were too many petty rules, and the boarding houses were extremely homely.

On the whole, boarding schools are completely different nowadays. There is no fagging anymore, and most schools have single/twin/triple rooms instead of dorms. A lot of schools do weekly boarding now, and if not, they have far more exeats than they used to. They also have internet access and mobile phones to keep in touch with their parents - unlike having to queue up for the payphone in the past.

My boys love when they board (they can do occasional boarding at their school). They like being able to play with their friends, and have access to the school's sports facilities after hours. On Wednesdays, when the school finishes at 4pm instead of 5.30pm, the boarders have a special night out - skating, bowling, cinema etc.

DS2 is boarding next week, along with all his friends, and he is so excited about it.

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bundle · 14/10/2004 11:03

bakedpotato, a male friend of mine who had a v difficult family life absolutely loved boarding school, to the point that he would stay there during holidays, wandering around the deserted place

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bakedpotato · 14/10/2004 11:04

NO!!!

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foxinsocks · 14/10/2004 11:05

yes, I must admit bakedpotato, I hated being a teenager. And it may be that because my main period of boarding school was during sixth form that I liked it so much. But many of my friends who liked boarding school certainly weren't freaks but most had parents who lived overseas or moved around a lot- so that may well be a contributing factor to just getting on with it and trying to make the most of it.

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Shimmy21 · 14/10/2004 11:06

Yes, BP I think you're right about the teenage years being terrible anyway and so perhaps my relationship with my parents would have been even worse if I'd been around them then.I would have liked to have the chance to find out though. I went to boarding school from 11, straight to uni then working abroad and now living 200 miles away from them. I feel I left home at 11 and they don't really know me. I agree with others who've said that they would never ever send their own kids -not in a million years!

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bundle · 14/10/2004 11:06

yup. he's dead now

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Waswondering · 14/10/2004 11:15

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Marina · 14/10/2004 11:18

pamina, someone we knew had to take their son out of that school and pack him off to the middle of nowhere (Bradfield I think!) so drug-addled was he becoming...
gglimpopo, your school sounds hilarious. Am also wondering if you were in the same hall of residence at uni as I was. First experience of public school pupils, what an eye-opener. My hall (redbrick university) actually arranged stabling for your hack if needed, but you weren't allowed to bring your CAR under any circs.

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bakedpotato · 14/10/2004 11:22

ameriscot, how lovely for the kids who live nearby if the school policy is weekly boarding, but how bloody horrible for the kids whose parents live far away

i was forever having to invite myself to people's houses for halfterms etc and friends were always generous, but it did preoccupy you

occasionally, esp when i was new and hadn't worked out the system, i got stuck behind with a handful of other sad lonely children, eating pigswill in a huge empty neon-lit dining room while everyone else was at home on the sofa having crumpets and Coke and watching TV

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Jimjams · 14/10/2004 12:31

I went from 9-14 - weekly boarding- left because my dad left the services and couldn't afford the fees- I then stayed with my granny during the week and went daily (my choice btw).

I loved it- probably because I'm an only child and I found it more interesting. Also I was at home from Fri- Sun so had plenty of family time as well.

My cousin was a boarder recently- changed a lot since my day- much more relaxed etc My cousin loved it- once she had found the right school (hated her first school) as her parents were always moving countries and this gave her stability. After the first school which she hated- She initially went daily - staying with my parents, then went weekly staying with my parents at the weekend and then eventaully started going full timeish- when her parents moved back to this country so she went daily again. She decided when to take each step - and went from being very emotionally fragile at the beginning (after the awful experience at the first school) to very confident and independent.

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codswallop · 14/10/2004 12:38

I went at 10! and dh went

didnt like it woudl nt go

Please dont anyone!

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Beetroot · 14/10/2004 12:41

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