Very depressed about local secondary school

[RosaLuxembourg]

We live in a smallish town - there is one huge comprehensive that serves our town and many of the neighbouring villages. DD1 will be starting there next year. It has a good recent Ofsted and gets reasonable (slightly above average) GCSE results.
HOWEVER; the behaviour of the pupils leaves a lot to be desired. Geeks (among whom DD1 will certainly be numbered) are looked down on and bullied. There is a huge problem with truancy (one neighbour saw two of the kids having sex in the park last week while still in uniform!) The language and behaviour that we see in the street every day is appalling. Children swear constantly in the school corridors and are not reprimanded. Worst of all, last week DD's friend who has been bullied by a group of boys since she started there last year was attacked in the classroom by one of the bullies who grabbed her round the neck and held a knife to her throat. He got a 3-day exclusion and that's it.
I don't want DD to go there but she has no choice. What can I do to prepare her for it, or make it easier to survive?

[Fauve]

There's a book by Michelle Elliott of Kidscape - 101 Ways to Deal with Bullying - which has loads of strategies. to hear about dd's friend

[LilyLoo]

I really feel for you. My DS just started school and i am already dreading when he has to leave this cocoon. Working in a secondary school i witness this decline in behaviour every day and tbh a three day exclusion is more than some get!

[Fauve]

Pressure the school to do more anti-bullying work. They can if they want to.

[RosaLuxembourg]

They don't seem to want to do anything. They didn't even tell my friend about the incident with her daughter - she had to insist on coming in to discuss it. They then told the child she could move into another class to be away from this boy and his friends - when she went in today she was told that she couldn't move after all as there was no room in the other class.
He is already harassing her again.

[edam]

Rosa, I think your friend should get on to the local Director of Children's Services or the Local Education Authority. The school is flouting all official guidance and policy. And I'd call the police, personally. What happened to her daughter is a crime just as much as if it had happened in any other public place.

[fortyplus]

Rosa are you in the UK?

[Fauve]

Yes, I was going to say lobby the LEA. And lobby the councillors who run the LEA.

[RosaLuxembourg]

Yes in the UK, Fortyplus. My friend does not want to involve the police as she thinks it might be more traumatic for her DD and lead to more bullying. I have advised her to contact the governors and the LEA though. Her concern is that she doesn't want to antagonise the school in case it has repercussions for her DD.

[fortyplus]

I think at the very least she should write a letter asking how the school intends to prevent a repetition - and pointing out that if this happened on the street it would be a Police matter without question.

[Fauve]

Sounds like you really need a new headteacher, TBH. Easier said than done, though; but the LEA can pressure the existing one to shape up, and if they can't, they might move on. Or maybe the existing one needs more support from governors.

[LilyLoo]

Completely agree batters even the most bright of children struggle to do well in schools like this i think you should exhaust every option before putting her in there Rosa.

[confusedandignorant]

Do they have streaming such that the "geeks" will get to know one another, DS had this problem to a lesser extent at primary school until they put them in maths sets the geeks got to know one another so there was safety in numbers and he was happier.


Unfortunately there is no punishment available for children any more (fantastic piece about this on Today program radio 4 this morning) so many teens have no respect for authority and many parents think their own child can do no wrong

[RosaLuxembourg]

They stream for Maths but not for English which is another gripe of many parents as the school has resisted any pressure to do this and children who are strong in literacy complain about being held back.
Despite this, the school has a recent Ofsted which praised it highly and awarded it 'good' in almost every category - apart from attendance. I don't understand how a school can get such a high rating and still be so rubbish.

[ScummyMummy]

Disgraceful re knife to throat = 3 day exclusion. What are they thinking? Agree with edam. Your friend should do the works- Police, MP, kick up HUGE stink.

[ScummyMummy]

You must feel quite sick at the thought of dd going to a school where that has happened, Rosa. Agree with batters- is there any way out?

[confusedandignorant]

The inspectors see what they are shown and what they are looking for, they do not see what goes on behind bicycle sheds.

If a child is playing truant they are not in the classroom being disruptive.

[RosaLuxembourg]

What makes it worse is that DD1 is a very similar personality to her friend - quiet, academic and homeloving. These boys are picking on DD's friend for no reason at all - she is quite young for her age, not interested in fashion or make-up or hanging around in town like a lot of 13-year-olds seem to be allowed to do.
DH and I had a long discussion about it last night and we are going to have a look at the local private school but that is a bit of a pipe dream really as we might manage to scrape the fees together for DD1 but there is no way in the world we could manage for three (or even two).

[RosaLuxembourg]

Batters. I suggested it yesterday but she is adamant that it would make matters worse.

[RosaLuxembourg]

There is a town with really good schools but it is 50 miles away. And we have just settled where we are - only been here four years and the children love their primary school which is an excellent one (although not as impressive on paper as the secondary school funnily enough) and we have made friends and are part of the community now. It would be really hard to uproot and start all over again.

[Lambchopandchips]

This sounds like a dreadful dilemma, Rosa. Why don't you visit the local private school anyway, and see if there are any scholarships or bursaries available? I understand that you want to treat all your children the same, but the situation might hopefully have improved by the time your younger ones reach secondary age. It's the here and now you need to deal with.

Do you live near any state grammar schools? If you do, that might be worth investigating as they often take pupils from outside their catchment area, though competition for places can be quite high. Many people are not aware of this option where it exists (we weren't but found out about it quite by chance and DD1 is now happily settled in there.)

I certainly agree with other posters about your friend reporting the knife incident to the police. Anyone behaving like this anywhere other than a school would get a lot more than a slap on the wrist and a few days (more) bunking off. Sorry - did I say "slap on the wrist" - you can't even do that these days....

[Lambchopandchips]

Another idea that just occurred to me - I always said that if any of my children went to the local comp (which sounds very similar to yours, thankfully without any knife incidents - that I'm aware of!!!) then I would stand for election to the board of governors. At least that way you are on the "inside" so to speak and have a chance to get together with the staff and other parents to bring about change. Not sure if it would work, though - as I said, it's just an idea...

[Blandmum]

Scummy mummy, agree with you re the knife incident. We had a similar case not so long ago, child got a longer exclusion. Mother complained that we should have realised that the child' Didn't mean to hurt anyone' and that the knife was 'only for show' and that we had over reacted!

Considerable pressure is placed on schools not to exclude children. This comes first from the LEAs and ultimatly grom governm,ent.

Th school needs to look at its dicipline policy, and do so quickly. But to be reasonable to the school that isn't as easy as it would innitialy seem when you look at government and, dare I say it, parental attitude, to poor behaviour.