Going back to uni as an adult - or not?

[mollipops]

I wasn't sure whether this belonged here or in returning to work, but here goes... I am in a bit of a dilemma and would value your advice and opinions - please!

I would like to go back to uni next year, full-time. I am looking at a 3 year bachelor's degree course, possibly in the social sciences area. I am really excited about the idea - but unfortunately dh isn't. I know it won't be easy, since ds will be only 4 half days at kindy, and dd will be 5 full days at school, but the uni has a creche and I won't be working.

Which is part of dh's "problem" with the whole thing. He sees it as costing us money not only in the expense of going to uni, but also in that while I am studying I cannot work as well. He has been looking forward to the prospect of extra income once ds starts school full-time in 2004. If I go to uni I wouldn't be returning to the workforce until 2006 - and I would be 37 by the time I graduate. He is afraid of the unknown of it all I think - what if I can't get a job, or if I can't get a better job by having a degree? He sees it as possibly a waste of time and money, as well as lost income in the meantime. I have tried the argument that I would be more likely to be able to get a higher paid job with a degree than without, but of course there are no guarantees, and I know I could probably get a reasonable salary with just my present experience (in banking). BUT I don't want to return to banking! I want to have a career, something I feel passionate about, a job I do because I want to, not because I have to, iykwim.

I wonder if he is feeling a bit jealous that he can't do it as well, but then he has only just finished a part-time degree himself in order to do the job he has now (which he is now finding he doesn't really enjoy). I think he is worried I might want to drop out after a year or something, or that the "novelty" will wear off. To be honest, I'm a bit worried about that too, as I have had a lot of difficulty trying to pin down what it is I want to do.

[mollipops]

Oh dear, I don't know what happened then, I think my mouse is possessed! I just switched over to my dd's Tiny Mouse in desperation! And not only did it post my message before I asked it to, it did it twice!

Anyway, I didn't get a chance to proofread all that so it probably doesn't even make sense. Basically I am upset that dh is being unsupportive and negative about it, when I am trying to be positive, and I have always supported him in his study sojourns. I know there is some logic in what he is saying, and maybe it would be a mistake to study - what if I have chosen the wrong field, or I don't like it, or find it a struggle, or can't find work afterwards? Maybe I will be "too old" by the time I finish? But I can't help thinking it would benefit me personally, even if it doesn't benefit me financially...I don't think dh can see past the dollar signs. Now I'm even more confused than when I started! Please help - I need some wisdom and calm!

[peanut]

mollipops

I think you should definately go for it, If your not working worrys your dh that much perhaps you could study with the open university ??

Iam in my second year of a 3 year social science degree and because you do it at home at your own pace you could also work part time.

Don't let the fact that you have no idea what you want to ultimately do put you off as I still don't know where I'll end up, but you have to start somewhere.

If you need any info on OU just ask

good luck.

[Bexi]

Mollipops,

Go for it! I was in a similar position a couple of years ago when I wanted to go back to uni (as an apparently mature student at 21!?). My partner was less than supportive saying that he didn't want me to go...too expensive/too much debt...I only wanted to go because I was jealous that all of my old school friends were graduating...I would have a nervous breakdown by Christmas...I'd started uni three years earlier and dropped out in the second term so chances are that I would do that again if I couldn't hack it before children, it would be harder now...

I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going to listen to him and would go anyway, which I did. I've now very nearly finished my first year in a 3 year history degree (3 more exams to go) and I think he's actually quite proud of me. He can still be a bit of a pain though, the uni I go to is about fifty miles away and dd goes to the creche (which incidently is excellent and she loves it) so that means that she and I spend an hour and a half at least on trains and buses to get there and the same journey home. Big pain with a two year old but he won't entertain the thought of us moving nearer for a couple of years.

It is really hard but definitely well worth it and I didn't have the nervous breakdown that he predicted. Like yourself, I can't figure out why he was so negative about the idea...maybe jealousy, I don't know. Could you work part-time whilst at uni so it does not work out too expensive? I have to admit that although I do at the moment it does make it a lot harder and I'm having a dilemma as to whether I should quit for next year to leave more time for dd and extra study. I only earn £60 per week but it really would be missed.

Sorry for harping on by the way.

I think that you may end up regretting it if you do pass up the opportunity and I'm sure that your husband will be more supportive once you are there and he sees how much it means to you. Your children will be proud of you also, my mum graduated at 34 (I think) when I was 13 and my sister and I were both really happy for her. I don't think it would be a mistake for you to study, you probably will find it a struggle but that will make you even more proud of yourself aftyerwards, and even if you couldn't find work afterwards, you're right that you will still get a lot out of the experience. Hope this all makes sense (my head's fizzled from revision).

[mollipops]

Thanx Bexi and peanut...you have both confirmed what i already thought deep down. I don't want to end up in 10 yrs time regretting not following my dream and resenting dh for blocking my chance at it. I do feel that it I don't do it now, the opportunity will be gone forever.

Good on you both for studying, I'm in awe, esp you Bexi with the long distances you travel with a toddler in tow! Open uni is an option (I'm in Australia btw), or I could study externally, but I don't think I could cope with doing that as well as mum to 2 full-time AND working part-time. By the time I paid child-care it would hardly be worth my while anyway (we have no family nearby who could care for the kids or do school pick-ups etc). Part-time study would take twice as long to complete my degree. What area of social science are you studying peanut? I still worry I am living in a fantasy and only think this is what I really want to do...

[bea]

go for it mollipops because if you don't you will spend the rest of your unhappy days in the bank thinking... what if there is something better... or what would i be doing now if i had taken the degree course!!..

i understand your dh's worries... but this is something that i feel that you feel you should do...as long as there aren't any serious financial worries i would go for it!