Banned from going to toilet at school in lunch time

[MamaMaiasaura]

I have just got back from dropping ds off at school and feeling really miffed.

I have to be quick as got interview to go to but briefly this is what has happened:

Yesterday after school ds (6) was not in the best of moods. Easily bought to tears over small things like getting out of bath, telly going off, pyjama's not right.. HE then told me that he had been in trouble at school as he had turned on all the taps in the loo to find the warmest to wash his hands. He said his teacher told him off and he was worried she would still be cross tomorrow. I siggested he apologise agian to his teacher in the morning and I will speak to her (apparantly she was going to speak to me).

HIstorically at school ds is generally well behaved polite etc. He is a little slow at eating his lunch and often gets nagged to hurry up. HE also is slower going to loo and has said that the teachers come in and hurry him up when he is trying to have a poo (cant see that being seen as ok if we had employers nagging us). He also washes his hands properly, but gets hurried for that too. HE doesnt fight with other kids, doesnt answer back. HE is a bit of a day dreamer and sometimes chatters.

He has had problems with a dinner lady altho I havent raised this before. Most recent thing was after ds returned to school after being poorly she said 'I was in a good mood but now I am in a bad one because you are back' said to ds.

So anyway I spoke to teacher about the taps and she tells me that ds had messed around in the toilets before and that they are only allowing him to go before him lonch and then when lunchtime is over and the teacher is able to take him. I said I felt this perhaps wasnt the best idea as he might need to go before she is available to take him. She said he would have to hold it for 10 min or so. Thing is after you have eaten usually it increases the urge to go as food pushed down. I told the teacher about the dinner lady and queried if in fact this lady had some sort of issue with ds. I am really annoyed as I fel they are using a sledgehammer to push in a nail. He was so upset by the whole thing, cl;early wont be turning all the taps on again and they have just cofirmed to ds the need for his upset last night..

Am I being completely over protective and blinkered?

[morningpaper]

It seems a bit odd

I would ask the teacher to give him a second chance. I don't think she should have punished him like that without consulting you first. Say that you've spoken to him and you are sure he is going to behave in future.

[crumbs]

No, you're not. They should understand that in his eyes he wasn't being naughty, just looking for warm water. They should then explain to him why it was wrong, and ask him not to do it again, and give him a second chance - as you say, he won't do it again anyway!

Should they not be encouraging handwashing before lunch anyway?

Think I'd be back to school/on the phone for a friendly chat.

[morningpaper]

I do kind of think that if the teacher is going out of her way to ESCORT him to the toilets twice in a lunchtime, then he has probably really behaved very badly in the past - it is a lot of hassle for her.

But I think you should have been consulted before it got to that stage.

[MamaMaiasaura]

Thing is, if they were going to speak to me about this taps turning on thing, surely if he had behaved 'really badly' in the past they would have spoken to me. He is in class now and I have interview to go to. Should I call school and ask if I can speak to head now or try and arrange for me to pop in this afternoon or do I just speak to her at the end of the day. Check how if went today and perhaps say he is very sorry, was clearly upset last night (told her this already) and wheter we can draw a line under it. It just seems so darn petty.

[Twiglett]

yes I'd probably be upset like you are if it was my child

but as an unconnected outsider would like to mention the following just for you to consider:

a 5 or 6 year old really should be able to 'hold it' for 10 mins or so .. there is not always a toilet near when you're out and about and this is a good skill .. my 2.8 year old can hold it for 30 mins

I do know a 6 year old who uses toilet as a diversionary tactic when he's asked to do something he doesn't want to .. now I would imagine that IF the dinner lady really IS that horrible to him he would be using it to avoid her .. I do think this issue should be progressed with school (but not connected with current issue)

If you have 30 kids to deal with, they can't each take 10 mins on the toilet .. the teacher doesn't have the time

Turning on all the taps and NOT turning them off is not a great idea .. its great that he's conscientious but maybe he's being a little precious here? maybe? (not trying to insult) .. this could be a huge problem for a school .. toilet blocks are always areas for great trouble-making unfortunately as there's water play and sink blockage and throwing wet tissue around

sounds like school are putting policies in place to HELP your child .. having a teacher accompany you to the toilet isn't exactly their idea of a good time .. could you see it positively?

[Hallgerda]

The school is being unreasonable and well out of order. It would about serve them right if they had an "accident" to deal with.

I'd explain to your son how hot taps work (i.e. that the hot water is almost certainly coming from the same place to all the taps) then he might be less tempted to experiment in the future. And I'd be open to the possibility that there may be another side to the story over your son spending a long time in the toilet - is he perhaps trying to do a poo when he doesn't really need to?

[MamaMaiasaura]

xrumbs, thats hwat i thought. HE wasnt doing it to be naughty or for a game, he had a logical reason for it in his head. Well 6 year old logic. I know that they have been frustrated with him taking a long time before but everyone is different and so what if he takes a little longer ot go to loo, that is how his body works. HE also makes sure he washes his hands properly. Since |I had my nursing exam on hand washing (he was about 4 at the time) he has never forgotten and now washes his hands the same way.

[MamaMaiasaura]

oh and the taps were the pushy types (dont stay going)

[Bozza]

Hmm if he goes before lunch and again at the end of lunchtime surely that is frequently enough. Does seem a bit odd that the teacher is accompanying him. I wonder if at this stage you have got to the bottom of what is going on.

[MamaMaiasaura]

NEver though he might be trying to do poo when he doesnt need one - might be something he does in class time. Cant see him wanting to do that at playtime tho as he has lots of fun with his friends. In his eyes playtime is the best thing about school.

I guess others could see him as precious about washing his hands, tbh I am quite pleased that he is so careful to wash them (not to extrememes tho, just a good old wash).

I did check that the sinks werent overflowing/water everywhere/taps left going. HE said that they are push taps, no plugs and no water on floor.

I am not sure wether the policy is to help my child or to help the dinner lady.

[twickersmum]

age 6 i went to the toilet with the "blue" table when i was on the "yellow" table. My logic was that i had been off school sick and had sat with the blue table that day to do some work, but had just moved back to the yellow table.
Anyway - i got really told off. smacked (v lightly i am sure!) and to this day i still remember the indignity of it and the injustice of it. I was too ashamed to tell my mum.
I am sure it shaped who i am as a person - standing up for people, never being trod on etc etc...
Not sure what my point is just that he probably wasn't being naughty at all, just wanted the warm tap! And that dinner lady's comment is totally outrageous, even if she did say it tongue in cheek/laughing (which let's face it she probably did).

[crumbs]

Silly question, mayb, but does he eat a good breakfast? Had a friend once who had to poo like clockwork, exactly 15 mins after his weetabox! Maybe if he had a poo before school, the lunchtime urge would diminish?

[twickersmum]

oh and do you know very few children poo at school.
because they get neither the time nor the privacy. (i used to work for Andrex, i have lots of useless info like that).

[crumbs]

lol! but you're right, mine will hang on as long as poss and make a dash when they get in!

[MamaMaiasaura]

She did say he goes quite often in the day. It might be a little avoidance or he might not go fully in one go (trying to be quick).

At home on weekend he goes poo twice a day. No idea how often weeing. Not so often I would notice ifkwim.

The things us mums talk about

[Twiglett]

also 6 year old boys don't always tell (remember?) the truth ime

[morningpaper]

awen I would leave it until the end of the day

Good luck with interview!

[MamaMaiasaura]

your right twickersmum - he does prefer the privacy but cant hold it the whole day.

I do encourgae him to poo before school because then he doesnt need it so much at school. He does had a good breakfast, porridge with honey and banana on top then mil and some grapes. I think I need to actively fit into morning routine the question of have you tried to go to loo?'

[MamaMaiasaura]

thanks better go get dressed for it. Think will speak to teacher at the end of the day. Check how today went, feedback re dinner lady and then gently suggest that perhaps he could have another chance. I might also metnion the whole handwashing thing too altho then she might think me OTT.

[crumbs]

I'm sure you'll get it sorted out if you pop in this afternoon. Hope that it all goes well, these things can usually get sorted out if everyone's prepared to consider everyone else's points of view - including the dinner lady, and your DS.

Good luck with it, and the interview.

[Hallgerda]

awen, my poo point was more about whether he'd got a silly obsessive idea (as children that age do - my DS3 had loads of daft ideas he was very reluctant to be talked out of...) that he needed to do a poo at particular times of day. If that's the case, maybe you need to explain that you can't do one if it isn't there, rather than reinforcing his idea by telling him to do one before school.

Hope the meeting goes well.

[wurlywurly]

that is terrible. As a dinner lady myself I would NEVER speak to a child like that, if she doesnt like the children then she shouldnt be doing the job - i love the kids that i work with.

[MamaMaiasaura]

back from interview (got the job ) so in better mood than this morning.

Still think teacher being a bit OTT think when i collect him will check out how things were. Ask if she would not stop ds going to the toilet and I will try and talk to him about it too. Ask why she hadnt spoken to me before it got to this point.

I still think that it is wrong to 'drag' this out as ds didnt mean to be 'naughty', he is sorry and apolgised and had sleepless night. he is rReally very upset by it and I dont think he will do it again.

Kidss in his class whack eachother etc and they dont get this type of prolonged punishment.

[crumbs]

How did it go?

[crumbs]

Oh, sorry, and well done!