Is this the start of bullying - or am i over-reacting?

[Naughtynoonoo]

DD5 has just stated in Year 1. She has a best friend (BF) who is also best friends with another girl (AG). The three of them usually play very well, but recently DD has been coming home saying that AG has been horrible to her calling her bossy, ugly and other things and saying that DD can't play with them and that she is not to sit next to BF. This is clearly hurting DD so I spoke to her teacher. Teacher says that AG's mum is very over protective of her and has already given the teacher a bollicking over something during parents evening and that she would need to speak to the head before going to ag or ag's mum. Fair enough still awaiting the outcome of this as this was only yesterday.

DD came home tonight and mentioned that ag hit her without saying sorry and that she has hit / punched her before. I asked her how she felt and she said that she wanted to hit back, but that it was not allowed and she would be told off. DD has told the teacher on duty at playtime and the teacher tells her to play with other children which DD does do, but she still wants to play with bf. Shall I mention this last paragraph to teacher or am I making a moutain out of a molehill. I feel horrible thinking that I have sent my baby to school and she is feeling hurt.

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

Hmmm, I would have another strong word with the teacher or go straight to the head yourself. It sounds as though the teacher is turning a blind eye to bad behaviour because she is intimidated by AG's mother. Which is not good enough IMO.

[7up]

bullying, id go straight up there if i was you and have it out.my son went through this and in the end he did hit back (was year 2)because i told him too and he got called a bully!unbelievable. poor dd, youre not makinga mountain out of amolehill.

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

Personally I have never advocated telling children they can hit back if they want to - lots of contentious threads on here about it. But I do think that if you want your children to play by the rules and remain non-violent, you have to be prepared to kick ass a bit on their behalf and make sure the rules are being enforced.

I hope it gets resolved soon, your dd sounds like a lovely little girl.

[BuffysMum]

Hi

I agree with Greensleeve - can you talk to BF Mum and ask her if BF has said anything about her friends etc.

HTH

[7up]

totally agree with you greensleeves, i had to resort to telling my ds to hit back because it went on for nearly a whole school year and the school were very unsupportive. school playgrounds are prime for bullying arent they and we all feel so protective of our kids

[Naughtynoonoo]

THanks for your replies, I have written a note in dd's contact book. I know BF mum so will have a word with her tomorrow. AG mum seems to be quite frosty I just usually say hello to her / cannot spark up a conversation. Feel a bit for BF as she is like piggy in the middle, but feel for dd who is so kind and loving and would be friends with Bin Larden iykwhim. Just thinking of her being at school and feeling sad makes me want to cry, i feel for all those poor children / people being bullied it is not nice.

[SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve]

I didn't mean to sound critical of you 7up, my eldest is only 4 so it hasn't actually come up for me yet! I just think the teacher needs a proverbial boot up her arse before things get any worse

[7up]

didnt think you were being critical greensleeves, you old bag

[clerkKent]

Hitting is no acceptable and the school ought to do something about it. DD (year 4) has a couple of 'strong characters'/bullies in her class and over the years they have been bf with DD and at other times excluded her and/or her friends. We strongly encourage DD to have a wider circle of friends and not to get upset about it. The bullying is often very subtle and always out of sight. However it has not included hitting.