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WWYD?

11 replies

sparklingsky · 21/03/2015 18:43

Our eldest child is an August birthday, not at all streetwise. Academically able enough to be offered a place at both local selective independents. We entered her in case she was able to get a scholarship. She didn't. We have two other children, and if we sent eldest, we can't see how we could afford to pay for the youngest - albeit in 7 yrs time.

Her state school offer is the local failing school. New Head due to start next term. But friends have pulled their child out after she was punched on more than one occasion. A number of other local children have been offered it too, and there's a general mad scramble to avoid it at all costs.

We are 10th on the waiting list for our preferred state school. We have moved down the waiting list in the last week. We have an appeal date, but are not hopeful. DD didn't get a place at any of our school choices.

Dd is begging us not to send her to the school she's been offered. I'm tempted to send her private and hope for the best. But want to offer the same for all three children. Ds is perhaps more likely to be offered a scholarship of some sort. But it seems a risk now.

Basically the worry us starting to affect us all. I've even looked at moving, but other schools are all full. WWYD?

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inthename · 21/03/2015 19:40

Take the independent school place. Make sure you are on the waiting list for the state school. Find out from independent school what discounts they offer for subsequent children if the others would be going to the same school, if not ask about bursaries (some can be applied for once the child has started at the school, but this does vary so check)
Also is this primary or secondary age? All you will ultimately lose is 1 terms fees potentially IF the place at the state school comes up. 7 years is a long time.

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sparklingsky · 21/03/2015 20:12

Thanks inthename. This is for secondary. I've put her on the waiting list for all three of our preferred state schools. One independent has said we might be in a bursary plus scholarship situation for DS (if he does as well as his current NC levels predict). The thing is, DD hasn't but we found out at the worst time.

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Iamatotalandutteridiot · 21/03/2015 20:16

I would take the Indie place.

7 years is a long time to sort stuff out and there will be discounts for multiple siblings - possibly not massive but OK.

I do appreciate what you are saying about different educations (my DD goes to school and my DS is Home educated) but cross bridges as you come to them.

Send the kids who need to go now.

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HenrytheHorse · 21/03/2015 23:55

One thought: if you were to work on the basis that you will send each child to private school up until sixth form but not beyond, would that make it affordable, or does that still not look affordable without a scholarship/bursary?

How many school years apart are your first and second child?

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sparklingsky · 22/03/2015 00:25

I am a total and utter idiot - Thanks

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vinoandbrie · 24/03/2015 09:34

You're not an idiot!

I just want to echo what others have said though. Take the indie place for now, it sounds like there's potential for her to be utterly miserable at the state school she's been allocated to. If things change and she is awarded a place at a state school you would all be enthusiastic for her to attend on appeal, or by moving up the waiting list, then you can give up her indie place, albeit at a cost (a term's fees?) By binning the indie place, you're closing that door to her completely.

Please take the indie place, I was in a similar situation myself and I remember crying myself sick aged 10 for my parents not to send me to the local school. I went to the indie, and it was the making of me. So yes, I'm biased!

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Iamatotalandutteridiot · 24/03/2015 19:23

I think she was saying thanks to me :-) I have one child in school and one child who is home ed, so I understand what a parent might feel like choosing different education paths for their children.

I don't think she was calling herself an idiot :-)

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LadyPenelope · 24/03/2015 22:01

I would take the indie place for you DD and figure our right schools for you DSs when time comes. Of my siblings 2 of us went to private schools at particular points because it was felt that child needed it at that particular time. The others went to good state schools and colleges. There was no question or issue from any if us - we all got good education. However, my parents did choose the areas we loved on based on the local schools - so if you can't afford private for your DS, you may even need up consider moving over coming years to open up options. But 7 years is more than enough time to plan for that.

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sparklingsky · 25/03/2015 11:19

Thanks everyone. There's two years between my eldest two then a five year gap. I've looked into moving, but DH not at all keen, mainly due to the costs. He believes we'd be even worse off financially. The really good state schools here are more rural and this limits work availability and childcare problems (for me). This adding to increased costs all round.

We had a look at the figures and could just about manage DD up to end of Yr 11, then DS to the end of yr 9 without scholarships but this would leave nothing for DD2. Indie school 2 might offer scholarship plus bursary to DS if he did well. But it now seems like such a balancing act and fraught with risks.

DD has just moved down the waiting list again...now number 11

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manicinsomniac · 25/03/2015 11:38

I would put your daughter in the independent school. You don't absolutely have to have the same type of school for each child. The admissions might be different in two years and your son might get a place at a great state school if he doesn't get the scholarship/bursary.

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ICantFindAFreeNickName · 25/03/2015 11:58

Its just a thought, but just how bad is the school that she has been offered?
Is your friends experience clouding your judgement too much. I only say this as I have two friends who had to move their children to different schools for various reasons. One child was being bullied at what was probably the best school in our town, his experience put me off the school, even though I know lots of other children who have had a wonderful time there.
Are the results not good. I actually sent my son to probably the most unpopular school in our town, as I felt it would suit him. The results at gcse were not great, but looking at the catchment area and the fsm / sen intake, it was not too surprising. However we liked the feel of the school and I knew my son was bright and unlikely to get lead astray, so sent him there. His results were as good (if not better) than this friends who went to the 'best' school.
The right new head can potentially turn a school around quite quickly. Have you seen the new head at all, to get a feel for how enthusiastic / dynamic they are.
Where are you DD friends going. If a lot are going to the failing state school, would she be happy there anyway. Is she only against it because she's picked up on your feeling about it.
I only mention the above points as it does seem like you are going to struggle with paying for private school, which means as a family you are going to have this weight hanging over you for quite sometime. Have you just looked at fee's or have you also factored in other costs which generally tend to be higher at private school - uniform, trips, friends presents etc.
Would it be worth trying the allocated school, knowing that you are on the waiting lists for the other state schools and if your DD really hated it, you would presumably still have the private option.

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