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Education

Bullied...and then this happens!

232 replies

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 07:42

Following on from my other thread about DD being bullied at school. She had been taunted, teased, hit, pinched, shoved, and had her possessions stolen. We tried the diplomatic appraoch as we live in the same village. No joy from the girl, no joy from parents, so we went to the school. They did act quickly by making sure the girls ween't in classes etc together but they still get the same bus home. Anyway, after having 'whore' shouted in her ear ALL day, DD snapped and hit this kid. So they called the police. DD was interviewed last night, and despite it being through severe provocation she was finger printed, DNA'd and had her mug shot taken! My poor 11 year old child - I could have cried for her. Now she has a warning and if anything else happens she's in the * basically. meanwhile this other kid is free to taunt, and bully as much as she likes! The police even admitted that DD was driven to it, but had to follow procedures. I'm so so upset over this. DH now wants me to file counter charges and have this little b*ch go through the same thing, and I have to say I think I will. Even knowing that DD was going to the police station last night, and being warned by teachers she still called DD an ugly whore over and over yesterday in one of their few lessons where they have to be together. I'm at my wits end.

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edam · 28/09/2006 08:24

Bloody hell. What a vindictive little cow the other little girl and her family are. And police are terrible too - obv. different for an adult but similar thing happened to my uncle - police not interested in the aggressor only hassling the victim.

When you say she's got a warning, do you mean a caution? Get some legal advice on this. And there was some stuff in the papers a while back about police keeping DNA from children - chief constables have the discretion to destroy DNA from kids. Write to yours and insist they do this rather than keep it. Get on to your MP about it too so the police know you are taking this seriously and won't just back off.

It's all very well the teacher telling you about verbal abuse, what punishment is the girl getting from school? She should be straight into the head's office/given detentions/ excluded if she doesn't stop.

Think I agree with your dh, complain to the police yourself. You've got stuff on record with school. And call Kidscape and Childline for advice. Your local education authority should have officers who deal with anti-bullying policies, get on to them.

So sorry your dd is going through this.

edam · 28/09/2006 08:27

And every time this other kid taunts or threatens dd, call the police. Foul language in a public place, verbal abuse and threats are against the law. Your dd's been put in this position because schools are often useless - they should have called the police themselves rather than try to deal with it in school given the other girl hasn't let up. Then your dd wouldn't have been on the back foot.

hulababy · 28/09/2006 08:28

How awful for your DD. Wouldn't normally advocate something so heavy handed, and would normally suggest going through the school, but no - int heis case, I'm tempted to agree with your DH. Counter claim with the police. Let the other child have a taste of what your DD went through.

southeastastra · 28/09/2006 08:30

i'm so shocked by this marmaladesun, how awful.

Molesworth · 28/09/2006 08:43

Sounds to me like the school aren't taking this seriously enough. Tbh I wouldn't be sending her into school today. I'd be keeping her at home and having very stern words with the school.

BudaBabe · 28/09/2006 08:43

How terrible for your poor DD.

Why have ths school not done anything? Can they not exclude the brat??

Def counter claim.

BudaBabe · 28/09/2006 08:44

BTW - who exactly called the police??

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 28/09/2006 08:49

Counter claim, call kidscape (brilliant) and then call the LEA to find out A) how they can re-arrange the buses so as not to harm your daughters mental health or alternativelt B) which good school they are going to transfer her to

Frizbe · 28/09/2006 08:50

to read this, Budababe, unfortuantely schools cannot exclude 'just like that' they have long and laborious processes to go thru....friend of mine is an education officer and dispares at the paperwork side of it sometimes, as she often sees kids that need immediate removal, but the system currently says they're to be kept in at all costs.....she went to one school in a particularly rough area 'down south' where the kids were let out to play in different caged areas of the playground it was that rough

BudaBabe · 28/09/2006 08:52

Peachy - why should OP's DD be moved from friends etc?? Why not the bully? (Am just asking from curiosity BTW).

I cannot believe in this day and age with so much media coverage of bullying that schools don't just stamp it down by a three strikes and you're out policy.

And I though schools had to have a bullying policy too?

heynonnynomoonfiend · 28/09/2006 08:52

What a nightmare for you and your poor daughter Budababe. Some good advice from others here, I can offer no more than huge hugs to you and dd and the fervent hope this can be sorted swiftly and happily.

curiosity · 28/09/2006 08:54

That is exactly why we contacted the police when DS1 suffered three unprovoked attacks one weekend (not school-related thankfully) - so that if/when DS did hit back there was evidence to back up that it was not unprovoked if they complained to the police.

Awful situation for you and your DD.

BudaBabe · 28/09/2006 09:01

Sorry heynonnynomoonfiedn - It was MarmaladeSun's DD - I don't have one!!!

PS HOW did you come up with your name???

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 28/09/2006 10:19

Buda of course she shouldn't, but if nothing else is going to change it- it's exactly what Kidscape advised us to do for Sam. Schoolsa re shite at implementing bullying policies, sometimes its the only way

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 10:27

Hi all. It was the girl's parents who called the police. The short version is that sfter DD snapped and hit back at the girl, the family came down here in force. The mother said it was unprovoked, and I explained calmly that it wasn't unprovoked, that her DD had been calling my DD names all day, and had pinched her and shoved her into a wall that same day. The mother said 'but that's just playground stuff'. I said 'I beg your pardon? Verbal bullying and pinching etc is acceptable?' and she replied 'yes, of course it is'. I was gobsmacked and DH told her to get the off his property and never to set foot back on it again. So they went home and called the police.
Edam - the police said that if anything happens in school they cannot do anything (which i find unbelieveable)
The other girl has not been disciplined at all really. The teacher told both girls that the best thing was to seperate them into different forms, so the other girl said 'well I'm not going' so they made DD change! At netball yesterday my DD and her were on opposite teams; my DD was goal attack and she was goal defence. MY DD was made to swap teams so they wouldn't be in the same goal area on the courts! My DD has also been told to stay in at lunchtime at clubs etc or go in the library to avoid this kid so in short my DD is having to make all these sacrifices whilst the other one swans about.

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MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 10:29

Also I am SO reluctant to move her. DH has just come out of the army, and after moving schools/houses/countries we have finally settled here. It's a rural area, and the only other middle school has a really crap reputation. This one my kids are at has a very high academic record. She has also made some good friends there.

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MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 10:32

Sorry...more messages...EDAM - yes she received a caution, she was read her rights and received a recorded reprimand. The police KNOW shen was in the right. the PC interviewing told her next time she hits this girl to do it in the playground and the acting sergeant said 'now you do know what you did was wrong...' then to me 'albeit arguably wrong given the provocation'. I WILL look into the DNA thing though. I was di8sgusted and hate the thought of her DNA and fingerprints being on file.

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expatinscotland · 28/09/2006 10:33

I would file counter charges.

I'd also start keeping a log.

And then sue the school and the council.

People are starting to do this up here - one girl even won Legal Aid to sue them in her own right, as she is 16, after a girl who'd been bullying her for years (and the school knew, the head was even caught on tape fobbing off the victim) broke her arm on school property.

MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 11:27

Hi. I just called kidscape, and they were brilliant. Have advised me how to go about getting action taken etc.I am going to take DD to the GP and get a note saying that she is being kept off due to the bullying until it is sorted out and action has been taken. This will then force the head to acknowledge that this is real and happening. I am also to ask for a copy of the school's anti bullying policy (which they won't like).
I feel a lot more positive now, so thanks to those who recommended Kidscape.

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MarmaladeSun · 28/09/2006 11:29

Buda..I have always wanted to call my boat (when I win the lottery/marry a rich man/write a best seller etc) marmalade sun. It's what I used to call a honeymoon when I was a kid...marmalade+honey, sun = moon! Silly huh?

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hulababy · 28/09/2006 11:34

Glad you managed to speak to them.. Hope my tking action and seeing GP, etc. the school is foreced to take action.

BudaBabe · 28/09/2006 11:35

Not silly MarmaladeSun!

Nice reason for a name although it was heynonnynomoonfiend's name I was amused by!! LOL.

Couldn't believe the basics from your experience i.e. the school won't do anything and the police can't do anything! Unbelievable.

Well done on ringing Kidscape - hopefully you can get it sorted.

Still do NOT understand why a child who bullies is allowed remain in school. Can you get an ASBO against her???

Piffle · 28/09/2006 11:38

I would DEF advocate pulling her out
This affects the schools rating, involves the LEA and forces action, places the onus on the school to get tough - I'd advise getting a note from GP expressing how it is affecting your dd mentally and emotionally so that this gives you some leverage in case pulling her out backfires and causes you a problem.
I have done this in the past with my son.
Name calling is all very well, but sustained campaigns are hideously demoralising to children and can affect them throughout their lives.
My ds has had his arm broken in once incident and his nose in another but by far the worst for him to deal with has been the vicious name calling.
Shame your dd did not really flatten that girl - I'm not one to advocate violence but sometimes the worm turning can end a situation and negate the balance of power.

SoupDragon · 28/09/2006 11:39

I would absolutely file counter charges. Isn't verbal assault still assault?

But unfortunately, your DD did physically assault the other girl according to the letter of the law. Which is, I agree, bl@@dy stupid.

expatinscotland · 28/09/2006 11:41

I've known young people who had to be pulled out and home educated b/c of bullying - they lived in small towns or villages w/limited options for schooling - who are now doing very well at university.

And that's really, really wonderful to see!

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