Help me please..

[jenniferalisonphillipasue]

My ds1 is in Yr5. We live in a rural area with only 1 secondary comprehensive local to us. I attended this school from YR9 onwards, having been educated privately until that point. My experience wasn't great - not terrible but not great. The school itself is okay and I am sure my ds will do fine here but I am not sure he will thrive. There are certain things which are really important to me educationally and I am not sure that my dc will get them from this school.

We have 1 grammar school local to us too. Ds is going to sit the exam but it is a super selective and whilst he is a bright boy, he is not super academic. He goes to a tutor once a week and we do some work at home but I am not going to push him. If he gets in, then that's fantastic but if he doesn't I don't want him to feel like he has failed. This school seems to offer everything I would like for my children both educationally and pastorally.

We also have a number of independents which are within travelling distance.

I am completely torn as to what to do. We have 4 dc. As it stands we could just about afford to send two of them to private school. I am planning on returning to work after the little one starts school which would mean we could probably afford to send all of them. This will however, significantly impact on our lifestyle. So whilst they might be getting a better education in school their education outside of school would be limited to what we can afford. Also if ds doesn't get into the grammar and we opt to go down the private route do we have to do that with all of them? My dd1 is in Y3 and is currently G&T. Would it be wrong to send her to the grammar if she got a place?

My parents (whom we are very close to) are also very against selective education. Their (limited) experience of people who come out of the private system is that they are very snobby. I have a feeling some of this is down to jealousy rather than anything else but I wouldn't want them feeling differently towards our children because of how we choose to educate them.

In some respects I find it sits much more comfortably with me for them to go to the local comprehensive. There are however some big gaps in the one school near us and I am finding it really hard to reconcile this with my desire to give them every opportunity we can.

I apologise for this epically long post and the abundance of waffle. I am in such a quandary. What would you do and do you have any experiences to share that might help me in my decision making process?

TIA

[caroldecker]

Private or selective grammer are broadly equal educationally, and saving fees would be good. If you can afford it, nothing you can do outside school can make up for a crap secondary school.

[Moid1]

We send one private and are about to send the other,and my parents are very against it. They use words like bewildered and bemused.

The oldest has had a terrible time and has never really thrived just survived and now in year 9 starting to mature so may send him private if tommorow goes well.

The youngest is the exact opposite, sporty, smart but not academic and great social skills. Just started in year 7, already seeing a difference in him, no where to hide.

My parents are wealthy, generous and very for the power and strength of education, but strangely not for 'private schools'. Jealous maybe, people's experience stops them from engaging. Maybe this is the last one of my dad's liberal principles left, he has backtracked on quite a few.

[Seeline]

What is it that the comp is missing? Could you supplement that lack yourselves through out-of-school activities etc?
I wouldn't worry about what your parents think - it is finding the school that best fits each of your childrens' needs that is important. It may well be that different schools are best for different children.
Also, please don't think that the comp now is the same school you went to - I am assuming it must be several years since you were there The ethos and success of schools can change very quickly. I assume you have been and visited all the schools concerned recently - if not that is probably your next move.

[NetballHoop]

My worry would be that if you will be stretched to put them all through private school, there is a chance that at some point might not be able to affords it anymore and then have to move them back to state schools.

I think that would be very disruptive to their education.

[redskybynight]

I have a similar dilemma. I am coming to the conclusion that DS will go to "good enough" local comprehensive (which also has benefits in terms of local friends, less travelling, easier to do out of school activities) and we will supplement with tutoring and extra activities if necessary. I suspect I might think differently if the comp was really poor but that's not the "choice" I have.

We could afford private but it would mean cutting down on other things and I am really not sure it would be worth it (and having spent Saturday with a couple whose DC do go to private school and hearing their niggles, I'm not sure that I wouldn't be constantly feeling that we were paying money for something that still wasn't perfect ...)

[TeenAndTween]

Have you visited the comp yourself, or are you currently going on memories and hearsay? Don't discount it just because it wasn't very good 20 or more years ago.

[TalkinPeace]

Comp and lots of extra curricular and all the school trips for all 4 of them

[hallamoo]

Being against selective education is in most cases, not down to jealousy, but more down to liberal principles, e.g. That everyone should have access to a good education, not just those that can afford it. It's about inclusion, and equality of opportunity, not jealousy.

[TalkinPeace]

I'll hazard a guess that your options are on this screen ....
www.education.gov.uk/cgi-bin/schools/performance/group.pl?qtype=GR&f=jXOPmiUPck&superview=sec&view=aat&sort=census_13.pnumfsm&ord=asc&no=998&pg=1
Go with the option that gives you the most opportunities to enrich their lives in flexible ways

[jenniferalisonphillipasue]

Thank you for the replies.

hallamoo My father, I believe, does genuinely hold these beliefs. My mother on the other hand has a chip on her shoulder as her brother was very successful and sent his dc to private school. There is a definite element of jealousy.

I too theoretically have liberal views. I am very much for inclusive education. My only problem is that I am not sure that the local (and only feasible school) comprehensive offers a couple of things that are really important to me. One of these is sport. Whilst I know that they do PE it is just not high up on their list of priorities. I was a professional sports person but it was nothing to do with the school. I also know that we are able to provide that as part of their extra curricular activities. However, I think peer group has a massive influence on continuation in sport and it is just not part of the culture around here. I know ,that when I left my private school the opportunities for me to participate and compete were massively reduced. For instance, if my dc wanted to become involved in athletics it would be a 45 minute drive to the nearest club. There are no facilities here or at the school for them to have any involvement in this sport. This is true for a number of sports whereas the private school we are looking at is very much geared up for this.

I am still very much undecided. My heart wants to go private (in the sense that I want my dc to have the best) but my head tells me they will be fine at the local school.