Help! Move dd from private to state for year 9??

(17 Posts)
NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 15:09:08

We chose a small private secondary for dd as she was anxious about the move to the large but very good local secondary.

This decision was based on the cosy, friendly atmosphere of the school and the fact that our anxious dd felt at home there. I put aside my mild ideological objections to private school and chose the option that 'felt right' for dd.

Dd is now about to go into year 8. She is popular, happy and has plenty of friends. However, she has started to express concerns about the materialistic/ boastful/ spoilt / 'brand obsessed' attitudes of some of her friends. She said that she feels that her school is like a little bubble, and not like the 'real world'. She says she feels that she's still at primary school and is envious of those who have made the 'proper' transition to secondary. Tbh, I'm proud of dd for her insight into this and am starting to have similar concerns myself.

The dilemma? Should we change schools? And what school should we choose for her younger sibling? ( the sibling would be better suited to the state rather than the rather twee private school). Dd can be a bit addicted to drama and tends to have a 'grass may be greener' attitude to life. So I feel that I need to treat the situation with caution and not make a rash judgement.

Dh has the attitude that private school is somehow 'better' so I think he would be reluctant to move her.

Any advice/ thoughts?

Branleuse Mon 11-Aug-14 15:14:49

does she honestly think that state school will be less materialistic and brand obsessed. Shes learning about consumer culture and it aint pretty, but that doesnt necessarily mean you should move her. She sounds clever. Encourage her to make the most of the opportunity shes got maybe because the grass will not be greener

NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 15:24:24

Bran, I think you're right and I've explained this to her. However, the 'how big is your house?' ' why do you fly easyjet not first class? ' 'I don't think they can afford it' comments/ questions are probably less prevalent in a state school (with a more school population more representative of society as a whole).

Coolas Mon 11-Aug-14 15:34:09

If she is happy and has lots of friends leave her be. I agree with branleuse (do you know what that means in French though ?!)

State schools have similar kids focused on labels and who are very materialistic and plenty of other issues besides. Tell her you like how happy she is at her current school.

NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 15:34:37

Even if I accept that dd stays put and makes the best of it, what about her sister? I don't feel happy making the same decision for her, yet there could be a perception of unfairness if only one was at a private school.

NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 15:37:06

X post coolas. Thanks for the advice. But it really is complicated by her sister's situation.

NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 15:53:42

Maybe that's what this thread is really about. How do I make the right decision for dd2 whilst keeping dd1 where she is? I would probably think less about keeping her where she is, were it not for her sister.

Coolas Mon 11-Aug-14 16:10:51

I would send sister to same school if you can afford to. Otherwise older sister might feel slighted she wanted to move and younger one might feel slighted you are paying out for her sister's education and not hers.

It sounds slightly like it's more your feelings about the private school than your daughter's? Kids will always find something that feels unfair. You can only do your best. If you genuinely feel this private school is not bringing out the best for your child then I think you should pull her out. But have a really really good look before you leap.

NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 16:17:30

Thanks coolas but I kinda feel it was a wrong decision to send dd to the private school. Her sister is a tomboy and doesn't want to go to the private all girls school, particularly. It seems crazy to make the same 'mistake' twice just so I can say I've treated them exactly the same. Of course, I want to be fair, but does fair mean 'same'? It's so difficult!

NoonarAgain Mon 11-Aug-14 16:19:43

I should say, I think that it could go either way for dd1. I could move her and conceivably she could find it hard being the new girl and wish she had stayed put. Equally, she may feel liberated by being in more inclusive school.

Coolas Mon 11-Aug-14 16:25:44

If you are going to pull her out, do it as soon as possible as secondaries make option choices for GCSEs from about December of y8 normally to start in y9. What does your husband think? Have you visited the state school?

Floop Mon 11-Aug-14 16:26:04

I think you'll find materialistic teenagers at both schools.

Floop Mon 11-Aug-14 16:28:10

Coolas, do they? GCSE options were in year 9 to start in year 10 for us.

Coolas Mon 11-Aug-14 16:30:08

The majority of secondaries are now going for 3 year ks4s. Not sure I really agree with it to be honest. But it does allow for more teaching time of option subjects.

TeenAndTween Mon 11-Aug-14 16:50:26

If your younger DD would rather go to the other school (which just happens to be state) and you also think it would be better for her, then no contest, send your younger DD to the state school. Treat them as individuals.

Unless the state school definitely has loads of spare places in DD1s year, get DD1 on the waiting list now, you don't have to take up the place if you get offered it. You may have to waste a term or 2's fees though as you can only hold onto an in-year state place for around 4 weeks. If you are moving, then the sooner the better tbh I think.

Coolas Secondaries round us still do 2 year KS4. Maybe it goes in fashions? The move back to linear may also encourage not so many options perhaps?

Floop Mon 11-Aug-14 16:58:36

Fair enough Coolas. Mine are well past that age, I'm obviously out of the loop!

Coolas Mon 11-Aug-14 17:16:30

Teen - the move back to linear just means no modular learning and doesn't affect the number of options. A 3 year ks4 has the advantage do more teaching time for the gcse subjects (which, with the current hysteria about grades is positive...) but on the other hand, it also means narrowing the curriculum earlier (any subjects you drop at the end of y8 would be unlikely to be studied again) and is also asking children of 12 to make decisions about what to study when some of them have a hard time picking out which pencil case to use. Finally, starting gcse level work with y9 can be hard as they tend to be far more immature than y10. Personally I think a 2 year ks4 is probably better, as y10 are much more ready to step up to the plate, but the additional teaching time a 3 year ks4 gives is very tempting.

I'm not sure it comes and goes in fashions as such but there are some schools who believe strongly either way that's for sure!

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