How much does it bother you

[charmkin]

when your child doesn't really pull their weight at school?

6 year old DD came home today - apparently had 14 questions and completed 4! She said she was trying to make it neat and she was talking so she didn't finish. It's not an issue of not being able to do the work - she is perfectly capable.

I am livid with her because I know for a fact she can do the work but she has no sense of urgency and doesn't seem bothered.

Should the work be more interesting to motivate her or should I be teaching her that some things are boring and you just have to do it?

[southeastastra]

at 6 i wouldn't be too worried! was it her first day back today?

[Twiglett]

you should be teaching her that she may not like some things but it is her job to do her very best at school

what did teacher say to her when she hadn't finished?

[LIZS]

Think it is a bit early in the term to put pressure on and worry. Presumbly the teacher is assessing what they are able to do and will have noticed her distractibilty as something to work on .

[charmkin]

Think this is because
a) I am a teacher at the same school and feel under pressure to have this perfect child

b) She is bright ( and I know everyone thinks this but reading age of 9 in class R). Not put under pressure from me, just naturally into reading. But she is so unmotivated - she can do this work , she just can't be bothered.

Teachers say she can have extension work ( ie stuff that interests her) when she has done the basic stuff. But why not just give her work that challenges her in the first place?

Last year at school she was so bored she started hair pulling - great big bald patches. I was devasted, and would hate to see her go through this again.

[Hallgerda]

charmkin, I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself - and I should know because I've done it myself (your daughter sounds very similar to my DS3). Surely it's the school's job to teach your daughter that some things are boring and you just have to do it. Of course you should be backing them up over the matter and reinforcing that view at home, and to that end I'd have a constructive word with the class teacher as soon as possible rather than getting livid with your daughter. But I wouldn't put yourself in a position of being used as the school's disciplinary agent.

If your daughter is not too keen on school, might it be better to try to build on her outside interests to motivate her rather than getting het up about school work?

[lacrimosa]

She is 6! give her a break she doesnt think that it will look bad on her cv or anything!

[juuule]

"Surely it's the school's job to teach your daughter that some things are boring and you just have to do it." At 6yo? and if you can't see the point? There is something about this statement that just sounds so sad and depressing.

[charmkin]

But that is life - 'some things are just boring and you have to do it' and much as I'd like to protect her from this fact it is true and she can't do as she pleases 24 hours a day.

She does swimming, dancing, is starting brownies and is taken to shows, musuems, cinema, bike riding in park. But I am beginning to think that if she isn't trying her hardest at school then why should she get all these treats? She may only be 6 but she does have some responsibility to try her best - she has admitted to chatting when she should have been working and this is an ongoing thing!

It's not the pressure of results that bothers me it is her lazy attitude.

[Hallgerda]

Have you talked to the class teacher, charmkin? I don't think you can do an awful lot to influence your daughter's behaviour in school if the teacher isn't handling it properly. When DS3 was in Year 1, the teacher was praising him for good work (she'd decided he must have some SN I wasn't admitting to because I was a horrid pushy parent ) and I could see he wasn't doing his best. It was a very bad year for both of us .

[MamaG]

My DD has just gone into Y3 and is the same, she's been 7 for a month. The teachers know she is more than capable of doing the work, but will mess about, chatting and making classmakes laugh etc.

Last year, they told her to stay in at playtime to do her work, it took her 10 mins to do an hour's work and she got every thing right.

I don't tend to worry too much to be honest, she's only little and the teachers know what she's capable of and they know how to handle her. I'd speak to the teachers TBH, its their responsibility once she's in their class.

[Hallgerda]

The outside activities may be instrumental in making your daughter see the point in education, so I don't think you should cut down on them as a punishment.

It sounds as if the fact you work at the school your daughter attends really isn't helping - you say you feel under pressure to have a perfect child, and you may have misgivings over interfering with a colleague's work or seeking special treatment for your daughter. It's also possible the teacher may be inappropriately soft on your daughter for fear of upsetting a colleague.

As a parent you should not feel bad over fighting your own child's corner - it's your job. Yes, I totally agree that she shouldn't be talking in class, but it's the teacher's job to do something about it at the time it happens (as MamaG's daughter's teacher did.) How, if at all, did the school handle the hair-pulling?

Laziness is not always a bad thing. It can be an incentive for innovation, and I'm sure it's saved many from stress-related ailments.

[clerkKent]

Part of the point of school in the early years is to learn to socialize. It woudl be just as worrying if she finished all the work but never talked to anyone. Perhaps the teacher should have intervened to stop her talking at an inappropriate time and to make her get on with the work.

[poppyknot]

I remember doing a test when I was about 10 (for the SRA a reading schemee with cards where you worked through the colours; I think Rose was the highest)

I was trying to get everything right but was in a bit of a dream and then was stopped after I had answered only 2 questions. I got put into the lowest colour and never really recovered my dignity. But I did learn from that that about timed tests. I think she will learn herself - and 6 is still very young. I have to remember that although DD is in P2 if she lived on the continent she wouldn't yet be at school.

Occassionally in P2 I also remember being slow with my work and not being able to play in the shop which was a Friday afternoon treat. These lessons stay with you!

[serenity]

I think saying she has a lazy attitude at 6 is a bit harsh tbh. She's still little, in some countries she would only just be starting school!

Re the 4 out of 14 questions, she probably thought she was doing her best (and who can expect 6 year olds not to chat as they work?) by doing it as neat as possible. She just needs to learn the balance between working neatly and getting it done. I think you are being far too hard on her.

I agree with Hallgerda, these issues are for the class teacher to deal with as they happen. If the chatting is a problem she can always sit her next to someone else, if the teacher isn't doing it, maybe she doesn't see it as a problem (ie it's not excessive)

If you're getting angry with your daughter at 6 over school work, what do you think you're going to be like when she's a teen doing her GCSEs?