guess what my DD told me on the way home today (not funny, bit sad)

[BagelBird]

she said that she wishes she could break her arm really badly so that she didn?t have to go to school tomorrow
when I told her that it would really really hurt she said that it would be ok if only she didn?t have to go in anymore.

She said it with such a little voice and a sad look on her face, made me want to cry.
She used to love going to school, I am hoping it is just end of term tiredness and a bit of a phase, but feel so sad that she is utterly miserable. There are a few issues surrounding it all with friendships etc but it has all been resolved. Unfortunately, it has zapped all her enthusiasm and now sees school as a place to worry about, where the work is hard and "boring", you get left on your own in the playground and big children often say nasty things to you just for fun....
Just wish I could carry her away for the next three weeks of term and keep her all to myself
I guess it means yet another chat with her class teacher (which will achieve little butmake me feel better for letting the school know she is feeling rather negative etc etc) and try to chivvy her along. I hate it though. I wish I didn?t have to take her there as well - the walk to school is just as much a worry as it is for her, hating me smiling away, telling her how much fun she will have blah blah, feeling like an utter traitor knowing that she genuinely doesn?t like it

Ok, rant over, just needed to share my woe. Her dad has taken her out to get an ice cream in vague attempt to cheer her up.

[purpleturtle]

[dinosaure]

Oh .

I used to pray to God every night that I'd wake up with tonsillitis next day (I quite often did, too, the power of suggestion rather than the power of prayer, I suspect).

What age is she?

[Feistybird]

ah how heartbreaking. Would having a child round to play after school make things any better do you think?

[BagelBird]

She is in reception class, just turned 5 so one of the younger ones. The class has mainly boys and the few girls are very cliquey and girly - totally diff from my little shy tom boy. The boys are very boisterous and include her in their games but then often get very physical, pushing/shoving etc and she finds she is left out, standing watching in bemusement as they wriggle on top of each other on the tarmac!! I know it isn?t anything specific, she is just so down about school.
When I told her that she would be bored at home with me as that is the time I get on with my cleaning etc, she said that she could stay at home and help me clean the house and would even tidy her toys away and stay quietly in her room by herself..
It is just heartbreaking.
I know that it will resolve itself and it is minor in the greater scheme of things, but right now, for my little girl, it is quite simply the worst time of her life. If you could have seen the expression on her face when she came in the house and sat on the bottom step of the stairs taking off her shoes. She looked like she was almost beyond crying, she couldn?t even speak, eyes imploring me to do or say something - and I had absolutely no idea what to say or do as the one thing she wanted is impossible. I had already gone on for the whole walk home with no effect. Thank God DH was here and able to attempt to lift the mood by taking her out for an ice cream.

[KateF]

Oh Bagelbird, I do feel for you . My dd2 is also just 5 and absolutely miserable at school. I hate jollying her along knowing how much she hates it because I hated it too and know exactly how she feels .

[lisalisa]

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[admylin]

I would try and talk to the teachers , your dd sounds like she is really suffering and school shouldn't be like that. My ds has a mild version of what your dd is going through and the teacher knows about it and I expect her to try and help him. Infact I am going in for another talk before term end because we come over to the UK for the summer (from Berlin) and I know he isn't going to want to return at the end of the holiday.

[BagelBird]

KateF, it is miserable isn?t it?
I just feel like I am my daughter?s traitor somehow. As a parent we are meant to protect them and keep them safe, yet here I am everyday frogmarching her down the road, pushing her into her classroom with empty platitudes and false smiles.
So sorry to hear you are going through it too. Is it a recent thing or a more general pattern?

[megglevache]

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[southeastastra]

bb that is so sad, my son is still 4 and just finishing his first year in reception. it is such alot for children that age to cope with. my son gets upset too and wants to stay home. the summer holidays are coming soon, just want to empathize with you really. i can't wait for the hols i am hoping he will be more up to it in september

[KateF]

Hi Bagelbird. dd2 was ok to start with (started last September) but when she had to start staying for lunch and then the afternoon it all went wrong. She can't cope with the number of children or the noise. I work in the nursery class next door and she was running to me begging me to take her home when I finished at lunchtime. After seeing how hysterical she was in the lunch hall I took her home for lunch for the last half term but she is now trying to stay again and managing better. She seems to cope with the mornings when they do more structured activities but in the afternoons when it's free play she hates it.

[WigWamBam]

If you're getting nowhere with the class teacher, ask to have a word with the head teacher or the children's mentor, if your school has one. I have found they often take these things much more seriously than the class teachers do, and are better equipped to deal with it.

[BagelBird]

Admylin, her teacher is lovely, very fun and enthusiastic. unfortunately, quite inexperienced (first year after graduating) We have discussed it at length, they try but clearly finding my DD difficult to handle. They want to pigeon hole it - is it naughty/defiant/specific problem blahblah, and find it hard when it is far more general, subtle and more complicated than that. It is not a matter of finding a quick fix such as swapping chairs in class, stopping a specific child hitting her daily, supporting her in class if she was struggling etc etc as it is numerous little things that have built up into this overwhelming dislike of school that has nothing to do with logic or reason.
The headteacher is ineffective and a bully, no point taking it further, the class teacher is our best bet within the school.

[BagelBird]

Just read the other posts. Thanks for your understanding xx
It is so hard to talk about with other parents as I feel like I am moaning or that they think my DD is a wimpy cry baby. It is so frustrating that they can?t see the bubbly, happy, funny little girl that I see inside her. I think they have forgotten how easy going and happy she used to be. All gone down hill since Xmas - so not a recent thing really. only now that it has got to the stage where she is really bad. I am sure that she has got a "label" now.
We have a few playmates over, one to one is fine. Problem is that when in the playground, they would rather play with the other kids than my DD - vicious circle. You can support friendships out side school but you can?t make other kids want to play with your DD.
I am just trying to hang in there until summer hols now. Time out away from that place might help me as well as her! Small village life can get so oppressive and it is hard to get a decent perspective on it all sometimes.
Thanks for listening, it does help.

[megglevache]

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[saadia]

I'm so sorry and sad that she is so unhappy, cannot bear to think of any child suffering. Sounds like you are doing all the right things by trying to cheer her up. If it is that bad and you don't think school can resolve things do you think it might be worth looking into changing schools. Or will she be with different classmates next term?

[BagelBird]

saadia, I am a little way off changing schools at the moment but will consider it if she doesn?t settle in her next class in Sept.
They split the reception class in half, half stay down and half go up with the present Yr 1. They have yet to tell us who goes where so could improve things or make them even worse. Will wait and see.
I half wonder if this is also worrying her as all the chidlren are talking about who is going to go where (told 2 weeks from now at end of term). it is an academic decision so she could go either way.

Right, DD is back now so going to spend some quality time with my baby and do some baking with her
Thanks everyone xx

[Marina]

This thread makes heartbreaking reading
Would it help to hear from a Year 2 veteran that highly sensitive children who find the noisy sociability of big school utterly horrible can, and do, grow into it and find coping mechanisms - and plenty to actively like and enjoy.
My ds loved school from the outset and reading your posts makes me see anew how lucky we were. One of his classmates is an extremely sensitive child who sobbed on arrival at school every single morning, for at least 30 mins, and found playtime impossible.
Three years on and yes, he is still very much the same little person (ie he has not had to reinvent himself to survive). He knows his trigger points and can self-help to avoid them. Many of his classmates understand his issues and respect them - so he can join in with stuff on his own terms without it being a huge taradiddle.
All this from looking and very probably sounding like your poor little dd a lot of the time, BagelBird. I hope she enjoyed her ice-cream and if the head is as rubbish as you say, I really hope you have a good Yr1 teacher waiting to help her next year.

[motherinferior]

Oh, Bagelbird, I wish I could pick up your daughter and put her in DD1's reception class and give her a ready-made circle of lovely little girls who would bounce around with her. I feel awful about saying how happy DD1 has been in school, now, when it just rubs it in for parents like you.

Remember, a summer holiday is a long, long time in a child's life and things may well - I do hope - be different.

[juuule]

Would it be a possibility for you to home-educate her for a while? Or maybe, if the school was agreeable, flexi-schooling might be an option. Maybe 6 or 12 months from now she might be better able to cope with school life. Still invite her friends around so that she develops those friendships. Is the school oversubscribed or would it be relatively easy for them to give her a place in 12months perhaps. Children develop at different rates and maybe she just isn't ready for this just yet.

[Enid]

god do you know I think I would take my child out for the last two weeks

then they will listen to you

[motherinferior]

Yes, actually, as a fellow Never Take Them Out Of Schooler I agree. I'm pretty sure you could get a sick note for her, if she's so unhappy!

Poor little thing.

[Issymum]

Bagelbird: Not much advice to offer, but this sounds so awful for you and your DD. I would be utterly frantic about it. My DD1, also in Reception, occasionally says she doesn't want to go to school and we are all very brisk about it. But deep down I'm confident that she's very settled and secure at school, even if she'd rather be at home.

Is there any possibility of flexi-schooling as somebody else suggested. Just mornings only and then gradually add in longer sessions in the afternoon and then finally lunch and playtime?

[KateF]

All I have had from the head of early years is "dd2 is naughty/attention seeking" despite me saying from the start that she found large groups and noise difficult (I had to move her to a v.small playgroup from a large one). When I went in to talk about the lunch problem I was told "take her to your GP and get a referral for assessment" . There is nothing "wrong" with her - she's just a little different and patently not her elder sister who was a great favourite because she liked school and was never any trouble. Sorry for rant-have had a crap day as we had fire practice and I found dd2 in the playground sobbing her heart out and everyone ignoring her . I wish I could homeschool her!

[TooTicky]

I agree with Enid. She won't miss much at this time of year. My dd1 (9yo) has similar problems.