Gay kids in school : they do not realise how far society has come.

(86 Posts)
Talkinpeace Sun 07-Jul-13 17:09:39

Was collecting DD from an event at school the other day and one of her incredibly camp friends was tease flirting with some of the boys.
And they all just take it as read.
that one is blonde
that one is tall
that one is a girl
that one is gay
that one is brown
and I realised how incredible the change is from 30 years ago when I was at school and Tom Robinson was in the charts.

People may moan about education
BUT the tolerance and acceptance being developed in our children will allow them to get the maximum potential out of everybody without the racial and sexual constraints we faced

which can only be for the good?

pointythings Sun 07-Jul-13 17:20:21

I'm glad it's that way at your DD's school, talkinpeace but I'm sure you know it isn't like that everywhere. The next step is to make sure that all schools are like your DD's school.

Talkinpeace Sun 07-Jul-13 17:23:36

wink
I like comprehensive schools - they have all sorts of kids and teach tolerance and acceptance

one may not choose to socialise with everybody at the school but you have to accept their right to be there

something that ALL selective schools fall down on (by sex, exam, creed, money or colour)

pointythings Sun 07-Jul-13 17:33:47

I like comprehensives too. DD1 goes to one, so will DD2. But there's no doubt that there are still issues with homophobia there - one of DD1's best friends has a 'boyfriend' (the '' is because they are both 12) and he called DD1 a lesbian and a retard (because he hadn't learned his lines for the drama club play and got pulled up on it). Until we get rid of that kind of attitude, we still have a lot of work to do.

and I have to keep calm and stifle my desire to give the little shit a piece of my mind

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Sun 07-Jul-13 17:41:35

I am always amazed at how accepting our kids our, especially of their asd contemporaries, as well as all of the above.

And ours is just your average comp.

antimatter Sun 07-Jul-13 17:45:42

are you sure only in Comprehensive schools?
I showed it to my DD and she said - "Is not that it is like that in Comprehensive schools...".
She is in single sex grammar smile

I agree - they are aware of differences but fiercely protective of being allowed of who they are,

lightrain Sun 07-Jul-13 17:46:17

It's really pleasing to hear this OP. My DCs are too young for school just now, but the other day my DH was telling me about boys in his school being bullied and beaten up when suspected of being gay. It would be lovely to think that this won't happen when my boys go to school. We'll see I guess....

SoupDragon Sun 07-Jul-13 17:48:34

It's got bog all to do with it being a comprehensive school. How ridiculous.

Talkinpeace Sun 07-Jul-13 17:57:01

Soupdragon
excellent.
my DCs school is a comp
pointythings implied that my school was out of step
I'd be really, really pleased to hear that every type of school has moved on - as antimatter says
it should be EVERY school

the pain that gay / brown / ginger / intersex people went through in the past is an anathema to kids today
and I'd love to hear lots and lots of people saying that their kids schools are like mine

and anybody who reckons their kids schools are not tolerant ....
WHY NOT ?

YoniBottsBumgina Sun 07-Jul-13 18:01:54

Erm, yeah, comprehensive schools aren't all magical happy rainbow melting pots of tolerance. I left around 10 years ago and my friend's sister got no end of stick when she came out. The boys were usually ok if they were confident types once they got to 16+ but I can't pretend that outside of their friendship groups everyonewas happy for them.

It's definitely good things are changing but we do still have a long, long way to go.

Talkinpeace Sun 07-Jul-13 18:09:03

Yoni
If you left ten years ago, that predated civil partnerships

I'm talking about the NOW

so is my kids school unusual today or not?

pointythings Sun 07-Jul-13 18:11:18

talkinpeace I think it's difficult to talk about schools being tolerant or not - certainly the messages coming from the school are all about tolerance, as it should be. However, what children learn in the home also has significant influence in what happens at school, so tackling homophobia in school can only ever be part of the solution.

I would hope that the parents of the boy who called my DD names would be horrified to learn what he had said, but what if they aren't? Too many people still laugh off this sort of thing and accuse its victims of being too sensitive. DD1 was fine about it, justifiably angry, but her friend stood up for her and told her 'boyfriend' off in no uncertain terms for using that kind of language. IMO the term 'retard' was at least as bad as the term 'lesbian'.

But this boy is considered bright, is in the top set for everything, but something is still not going right in his life for him to come out with this stuff. And that was all I was saying.

pointythings Sun 07-Jul-13 18:12:13

And talkin I think your school is probably not unusual, but neither is it the case that all schools are like yours. Celebrate what you have, it's great - but the fight goes on.

mummytime Sun 07-Jul-13 18:13:24

I don't think it's that unusual. Yes there are idiots who might make Homophobic comments, but they get into detention/isolation etc. for them just as much as their other stupid behaviour. I would say it is the school's very clear policy that makes all the difference.

Lancelottie Sun 07-Jul-13 18:17:35

Hmm.

At DS's school, the staff clearly do assume all students are straight. Their school trip rules say, 'No girls in the boys' dorm or vice versa, as all hankypanky is strictly forbidden.'

But as DS points out, two of the boys going on this trip are a couple...

BackforGood Sun 07-Jul-13 18:18:37

I think you are making massive generalisations and sweeping judgements.

My ds, and my dd have friends like you describe in your OP. Great. I wouldn't make the leap from that, that all children even in their schools are like that, let alone all children in all comprehensives. That's just ludicrous. As it is saying that it can't be like that in a school with any sort of an entrance criteria.

EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool Sun 07-Jul-13 18:29:00

I think its better, not perfect but better.

I know a 16 year old who had a really bad time, as did my 26 year old and 34 year old gay friends.

But in general I do think its better, there are several seniors I know who are Gay and have been very well supported at school and the kids are fantastic about it.

eurozammo Sun 07-Jul-13 18:40:18

I went to a selective school 20 years ago and had a diverse mix of friends as you describe (save for the fact they were all girls as it was a single-sex school).

notcitrus Sun 07-Jul-13 20:00:06

It's better, much better in some areas, but not that much in others.
SIL was in a relationship with another girl for much of her high school with no-one really caring except a few nasty comments from teachers.

But school I volunteered in last year (all-girl comp, good rep, oversubscribed by a long way) had sod all sex ed and rampant homophobia from about half the girls , condoned or ignored by most of the teachers - to the disgust of the other half of the girls. Still probably better than when I was a teenager and Section28 came in, which did at least bring the message to LGB kids that they weren't alone and queers weren't just an urban myth...

TheBuskersDog Sun 07-Jul-13 23:55:19

I think it probably depends on the demographic of the school population more than the actual school, attitudes are still very much formed based on what children hear at home as well as from their friends.

SoupDragon Mon 08-Jul-13 07:30:39

I like comprehensive schools - they have all sorts of kids and teach tolerance and acceptance

So only comprehensives teach tolerance and acceptance? And all comprehensives teach tolerance and acceptance simply because they are a comprehensive? confused

kitchendiner Mon 08-Jul-13 07:56:13

Students at Grammar and Private won't be able learn tolerance and acceptance of SEN kids for example because there won't be many (if any) in the vicinity.

Copthallresident Mon 08-Jul-13 08:17:47

My DDs went to selective indies and have gay friends who have come out confidant of support from their peers. What encourages me is that they don't think about it, they don't self consciously think of their friends as gay in the way that I probably do. Sexuality is just another part of a person's identity, no big deal. Indeed DD told me the other day that commenting that a friend was a lesbian made me a "hag" ie someone who makes a big deal about having gay friends and being a liberal lefty I do see her point.

The crap she has had to deal with for being ginger is another matter.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Mon 08-Jul-13 08:24:39

DD was called a lesbian as an insult when she was 7. I heard another 8 year old boy yelling "batty boy" as a playground insult. I hope they'll grow out of it.

noblegiraffe Mon 08-Jul-13 08:31:29

The school I teach at is in a very white area. Unfortunately, I have a definite impression of racism, mostly I think because there are hardly any ethnic minorities (maybe a couple per large year group) so many kids don't know any black kids, or any Muslims or other faiths. I also get a xenophobic anti-immigration vibe that seems to come from their parents reading the Mail.

The kids don't know what an isolated bubble they are living in either.

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