Anyone backpedalled on pushy parenting and changed course?

(257 Posts)
AnnaBBB Tue 25-Jun-13 17:55:19

Am having real second thoughts about applying for highly selective /academic senior schools for DS even though he is quite academic ....... I feel already there is too much teaching is to the test and confess I have contributed to that pressure at home too in an effort to improve his shot at getting into these schools ....but there seems to be little creativity in it all ....I am wondering if it is having the opposite effect of fostering a genuine joy of learning, and the prospect of having him spend several more years of being hothoused at senior school and then having to follow that through at home to keep up in a highly competitive place where everyone needs to get A * or they feel a failure could backfire... the constant testing even at 9/10 years old is making him lose perspective of what he really used to love about a subject and he is starting to question the point of it all. Am curious if others having got into these highly selective schools (aka intensely competitive exam factories/hot houses), regretted it and then pulled their DCs out for similar reasons. Plus you read stories of child geniuses whose parents hothoused them even giving up their own jobs to home school (so effectively 1:1 tutoring) who then grow up to say they feel they lost their childhood and would never put their own children through it (Ruth Lawrence for one). Is it really worth it in the end?

RussiansOnTheSpree Wed 03-Jul-13 10:26:33

happy Such a misnomer. What a spiteful comment. Of course I'm not delighted that SEn provision is dire in the private sector. What a ridiculous thing to say. I'm not surprised though - about the crapness of provision. People always out stuff they don't understand on the 'too difficult' pile.

bico Wed 03-Jul-13 10:51:10

At the moment I'm pretty confident that the school will do what's necessary to support ds. They've acknowledged that his form teacher was wrong in not raising these issues some time ago. I've had no contact with her since early January.

The head of middle school will be teaching ds next year so he will see for himself if there is anything. The plan is for the school Senco to observe ds in lessons and report to the EP and for the EP also to observe lessons. The school will notify the EP this week so they can do whatever they can over the summer holidays. However since ds doesn't exhibit any ADHD like issues at home she will need to see him in the classroom to understand what are his form teacher's concerns.

My main concern and original reason for asking whether ds should see an EP is because of his underperformance this year highlighted by his very poor maths and English exam results. They put him near the bottom of the class amongst some children who need a lot of support. His CAT scores bear no relation to that.

happygardening Wed 03-Jul-13 13:49:59

bico was he just having a off day or has his progress in English and math been poor all this term/year?
If it was an off day I wouldn't worry I once watched one of the worlds greatest riders if not the worlds greatest rider make a mistake in a top competition that even a novice rider would be embarrassed to make it happens. Children can progress in fits and starts if I'm correct he only started at the current prep last yr its all new to him and being a chorister must mean that he has so much more to learn than other children.
Russian I think you need to lighten up a bit my comment was meant as a joke.

bico Wed 03-Jul-13 14:40:48

I don't know. I've only seen his homework which has always been ridiculously easy. I assumed that was the standard level for year 4 but I now know, at least for English, he has been given easier work. I've seen his maths books and they are full of ticks but again I don't know how the work he has been getting compares to the rest of his class. I reckon he is average at English and his exam result puts him practically bottom of the class. He was very strong in Maths last year but again his result puts him near bottom.

Ds thrives on being busy. He loves his new school and the life he has there. We were at his sports day yesterday and I discovered that he knows everyone and they know him. Mums from different school years were saying how much their dcs like ds. He's settled very well indeed so we just need to sort out his academic progress and see why that has been poor this year, albeit not across the board.

happygardening Wed 03-Jul-13 15:03:10

Was he very academic at his previous school?

I didn't mean he doesnt love it by the way but he has so much to do in a day if he's a choirister maybe he just need to learn to juggle the whole lot and prioritise different things at different times in the school year and even week he is only young he may take time to do this.

IndridCold Wed 03-Jul-13 15:04:54

bico That's so strange! I was going to ask you if he was a busy, sociable boy. This sounds EXACTLY what we went through with our DS at this age, also a busy and friendly boy. Bright, but if he found the work a bit dull would want to chat with his friends and could easily distract the whole class with jokes. Several of his class teachers did not deal with this well.

He was finally sorted out by his wonderful year 4 teacher! She had a chat with him to explain how he was expected to behave; she then gave him a choice of two or three different strategies to help him stay focussed, and we've never looked back.

It must be frustrating to have been hit with this right at the end of the school year. I'm no expert but from what you say the ADHD thing seems to be a bit of a flyer. You boy sounds great, and being busy and enjoying trying out new things will get him a long way in life. It sounds as if he just needs a bit of guidance on how to improve his concentration in class.

bico Wed 03-Jul-13 19:24:49

He was top third in previous school and this one has a similar cohort. Not stunningly academic but not bottom of class material.

I think the mention of any issues so late in the year is frankly a bit silly. However I'm happy that it has led to an EP assessment as I'm curious to see whether it confirms what I think I know about ds and what makes him tick.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now