is after school detention for lateness reasonable?

(23 Posts)
burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 15:07:59

we live ten miles away from school and there are terrible traffic problems due to specific infrastructure problems - anyway twice last week I needed to drive to town so instead of her taking the school bus, I drove my daughter in leaving at 8am but sat in traffic and arrived 5 mins late. So it is my fault really. Now I have a letter from school saying dd will be in after school 'headmasters detention' for this, that is she will have to make her own way home at my expense rather than take the school bus. Would it be reasonable to request it to be a lunchtime rather than after school detention?

creamteas Sat 11-May-13 15:14:48

No. Those are the rules. If you know the traffics can be bad, why didn't you leave earlier?

Where I live, children whose nearest secondary school is over 3 miles away get free transport. If that transport is late, no action is taken.

Children who live less than 3 miles away or have chose to attend a more distant school are responsible for their journey to school and therefore any lateness.

That seems more than reasonable to me.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sat 11-May-13 15:16:07

It's pretty standard that two instances of lateness result in an after school detention.

If you tell the school it was your fault, they'll either suggest you leave earlier, or tell your daughter that she needs to make her own arrangements to ensure she arrives on time.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 15:17:14

well i did say it was my fault already......

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 15:18:34

there is a scchool bus of course but she hates using it and sometimes misses it on purpose...i do my best to get her there on time...
i kind of knew what the mn reaction would be but thanks for your replies, you are probably right.

Mutt Sat 11-May-13 15:19:57

So you drove her in twice, leaving at 8am both times and both times you were late?

Why didn't you set off earlier the second time?

Or just let her get the school bus as normal?

No it wouldn't be reasonable to ask them to change it. An after school detention is deliberately intended to be an inconvenience to you/DD. That is the point.

DeepRedBetty Sat 11-May-13 15:20:05

Well it was your fault, as you say, and it's you that has to come and get her at your inconvenience and expense. The only thing I can suggest is that you ask the HT to allow dd to do something nice in her detention time rather than whatever the up-to-date version of 'lines' is, as it was not her fault grin.

Bowlersarm Sat 11-May-13 15:21:05

It is annoying but then again it was your fault. It happened once fair enough, but you should have ensured it didn't happen a second time.

DeepRedBetty Sat 11-May-13 15:21:32

xposted. If she'd been late because the school bus was late, she wouldn't have got the detention. You need a pitchfork for getting her onto her bus!

Mutt Sat 11-May-13 15:22:20

DRB - Are you serious?

"Can DD do something nice in her detention?" grin

I can see the HT having a good chuckle to himself about that.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 15:24:13

grin at the pitchfork idea....yes I am glad I posted it here and have received some sensible replies - perhaps she will stop being so difficult in the mornings after a detention or two!

Startail Sat 11-May-13 15:35:00

While MN are indisputably right I'd tell the HT to get lost. Not that after many years of my dyslexic time keeping would he bother saying anything.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 15:44:17

she does have dylexia and learning difficulties incidentally - but I don't and I am the driver.....so that is no excuse really. They used to try and give her after school detentions for uncompleted homework but I put my foot down on that one.....ducks .......on the grounds that she is in their 'special ed' class....my view was that if they want her in that class then lunchtime detention would suffice...

Startail Sat 11-May-13 16:30:17

And that is the root of the problem. We always feel rotten if it's down to us that they are late, even if they were dragging their heels.

My, also dyslexic DD1's time keeping is actually better than mine. At least she doesn't drift off to do something else quite as readily, but she cannot read an analogue clock.

Thus, if she hasn't got her watch on she expects me to remind her. Having the short term memory of a gnat I forget.

We are not a good compination.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 19:29:35

really startail our daughters sound so similar!

prettydaisies Sat 11-May-13 19:37:02

At DC's school the punishment for being late is to be early! Always makes me laugh, but I do think it's quite appropriate.

DeepRedBetty Sun 12-May-13 12:11:26

Mutt no of course I wasn't being serious hence the grin at the end of the post!

Startail Sun 12-May-13 15:21:20

I think being forced to be early would be a great punishment. I'm very much an owl.

Being forced to get up earlier would be far more of a pain than picking the children up later. It would teach me not to be late and since it's usually my fault not the DDs that seems much fairer.

Phoebe47 Sun 12-May-13 16:50:22

I think you really do need to make sure you get her to school on time when you take her but if it is her fault because she is slow getting ready/doesn't get up in time then she has to take the consequences. However, I would be more concerned about why she hates using the school bus. Is it because it is a horrible journey because some kids are unruly on the bus (my DH tells shocking stories of what they got up to on his school bus) or just because it is cosier in mum's car. If the latter then that needs to be addressed by the school/coach escort. If the former then only take her when you are going into town anyway and make sure you leave earlier.

greyvix Sun 12-May-13 23:11:58

Depends on the school. At my school, a request to change after school detention to lunchtime would be accepted if the student would then have difficulties getting home. This would be particularly true in winter, when it is dark.

elfycat Sun 12-May-13 23:17:38

Why does she hate getting the school bus? I was bullied on the bus (not at school) so this flagged up to me. If there is a specific issue with her bus journey experience then I would discuss this with her, or with the school if it is something more nasty.

Hope it's nothing like this.

burberryqueen Tue 14-May-13 05:11:23

phoebe and elfycat she hated getting on the school bus cos she has a turned up nose and a charming pair of twins were shouting "pigface" at her - dripfeed ok I hope. However as far as the school are concerned this has been dealt with, whether this is true or not i do not know, but it was going on for months. The school actually told me they couldnt do anything about it unless I could find a named witness for every incident !!!! She tells me things are ok now but i am not convinced, more that she doesnt want me 'up the school' iykim

Phoebe47 Tue 14-May-13 14:05:06

How can the school say you need to find witnesses. It's ridiculous. That name calling is bullying and other children may not want to speak up because they are afraid of the same happening to them. Is there an escort on the bus? If so they should be dealing with behaviour issues (and they would be the named witness!). Also, if it was a set of twins surely they are identifiable. How many sets of twins are travelling on the school bus? Some schools just use such pathetic excuses for doing bu**er all about things. Hope things really are better now for your dd.

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