Very worried about dd at school and found this piece of writing she has recently completed independently at home. It's parents' evening soon and would like some sort of idea where she is before seeing them.
Thanks in advance.
The Dark Shadow My parents say Im delusional, they say Im imagining it but I saw it. Its coming for me and it wont give up . 1 day earlier Chapter 1 Todays test day I dont want to go to school today, I might say Im sick but I doubt my parents will beleive me, they dont trust me on anything now Ive started telling them about the legends of the dark shadow. Theres a legend about a shadow who lives in the dark and pounces at you when youre most vulnerable, they say Im silly. I might as well go to school, its not like anything news going to happen. Chapter 2 Our first test was maths, I wouldnt say it was easy nor impossible. I was on a struggling question when in the corner of my eye I say a blur of darkness at the end of the room. At first I thought I was dreaming until I saw it again in the corridor peering at me. I dont know whats happening, I think its got something to do with me feeling weird all week. I think Im in danger! My parents wont believe me, the only person that might is my bff Ashley, of course Ill need evidence, Ill ask her at lunch.
Chapter 3 My names Maddy, Im a girl, I eat and drink, I have all the senses. Whats so special about me? Tell me because I cant think of anything. Hang on a second where am I? Im really scared now, its really dark in here wherever I am. Im really panicking now AAH! OMG! Something really weird just happened, I shot light out of my hand. Im getting out of here.
Chapter 4 I did some research and apparantly light weakens the shadow but not even the light of the whole world would destroy it, you would need the light of the universe plus the stars and some bonus light but even then there would be a hint of it left. Chapter 5 Im on my way to tell Ashley. Here she is, I said Hey Ashley, I need to tell you something What? I explained to her, she didnt believe me. Im gonna walk away AAAh! Help It was the dark shadow but this time he was approaching me. Ashley screamed. I panicked. No, I couldnt have I did it again, I shot light out of my hands again.
balloonslayer - that's just what teachers have been saying for years! But Ofsted/the government insist that children's writing has to tick certain boxes in order to "count" as a child having made progress. It's very frustrating.
I teach secondary English and honestly thought this was the work of a year 7 or 8 child until I read your other posts.
Chapter 4 I did some research and apparantly light weakens the shadow but not even the light of the whole world would destroy it, you would need the light of the universe plus the stars and some bonus light but even then there would be a hint of it left.
is actually way above an average year 4 level. Yes, she can't use full stops and uses commas instead most of the time. She's also a bit iffy with apostrophes for omission, and confused knew/ new- but she does know how to punctuate dialogue which many older children don't.
As diary entries or personal writing it's good- but she needs to avoid using things like OMG which would not be acceptable unless in a diary or quoting 'text speak' etc.
I still think the maturity of the concepts is way above a yr 4 pupil though.
p.s.- I really wouldn't worry about semi colons now- I find many 15/16 yr olds struggle with those. They are a very subtle use of punctuation which most adults don't have a clue how to use! Get the basics right first- commas and full stops.