Undeserved bursary

(314 Posts)
Hamstersball Sat 16-Mar-13 23:13:20

I know a child that has been offered a very substantial bursary at my dd's independent school. She has passed the academic selection process and on the surface can be very charming, able to talk to grown ups at ease etc. However we have known her for several years as dd1 and her are in the same brownies pack and her behaviour has always been dreadful: picking fights with other dc, racist and foul language, lying when confronted, bullying other children. I can only conclude that her school lied between their teeth about her when they gave her a reference to support her bursary application as several mothers who know her at school say her behaviour is also dreadful there. I'm really tempted to inform dd's school about the true nature of this child and want to know if anyone has done something similar and what was the outcome.

Bloody hell. I can't believe anyone would be so utterly vile about a 9/10 year old. It sounds like you have a weird fixation with this girl. (Who is, incidentally a 'she' not an 'it').

In all honesty, complaining to the school would be bullying and exclusionary behaviour from you. And you may find that trying to get another child excluded from the school, just because you don't like her, ultimately compromises your own daughter's place at the school.

You sound like an absolute nightmare, OP.

akaemmafrost Sun 17-Mar-13 05:00:29

I can't imagine it can be fully legal to go around expressing "concerns" to third parties about people you barely know in order to prevent them from benefitting from opportunities available to them. Slanderous? Perhaps?

SunflowersSmile Sun 17-Mar-13 07:07:12

I think like others it is not your place to question school's bursary decision.
However, as others have said, fine to say girls don't get on/ history between them which means you would prefer them in different classes if possible.
It may not be possible.
Do you trust this school in dealing with all forms of behaviour?
If you do then you should relax a little.

MrsDoomsPatterson Sun 17-Mar-13 07:43:21

Goodness me, you're not coming outta this looking good, are you op? Keep that sticky beak out of it. You sound like a nasty gossip. It's quite vile.

exoticfruits Sun 17-Mar-13 07:52:32

I would mind your own business! Maybe they have picked up on it and think they can help her-I'm sure that independent schools are just as capable of dealing with behaviour problems as state schools!

exoticfruits Sun 17-Mar-13 07:53:32

I don't see how there is any possible way of broaching it without everyone seeing you in a very bad light.

ZZZenAgain Sun 17-Mar-13 07:57:41

I think you can inform the school that your dd has had difficulty with this girl before and that you are very concerned about her joining the school and worried about how your dd will suffer because of this girl's behaviour which you have also winessed. If asked, you can elaborate. But that is probably all you can do. It will be clear to the school that you will take your dd out if there is any trouble with this girl. If exemplary behaviour is a criteria for this award, it does sound as if this girl will soon be in trouble tbh. Red flag it, why not?

Hamstersball Sun 17-Mar-13 08:07:10

The fact that I've known this girl for a number of years, seen her on a weekly basis and spent a lot time with her at weekend and week long camps means I have personally witnessed and experienced her poor behaviour on a regular basis so not gossiping and hearsay. Other parent helpers have also had the same experience with this child and as a result have pulled their dds from the pack. My dd is in the junior section of the school and will start seniors in September. I'm concerned that this girl who seems to act with impunity will affect my dds schooling and also that a more deserving child doesn't get the opportunities the school has to offer. For those who say the school may turn her round I say it's a school not a rehabilitation service.

meditrina Sun 17-Mar-13 08:07:15

Financial awards for academic performance are normally referred to as scholarships. It seems that this school has atypical nomenclature, as well as unusual criteria (normally previous school reference is considered in toto, a specific behavioural one would be weird).

It's very, very rare for a prep to write a glowing reference or a non-glowing pupil. For if they do, that destination school will put less reliance on that HT's word and transfer prospects for all their pupils in future go down. They won't trade their reputation for one pupil placement.

ZZZenAgain Sun 17-Mar-13 08:12:05

If the bursary has been awarded, I don't think you will realistically be able to change this now. Tbh I really don't think it is likely that a school would award a bursary and then rescind that offer after hearing concerns of another parent. It would be awkward for one thing. However, without going into too great detail, I think it would be reasonable to air your concerns as they might affect your dd's schooling experience. This girl may not be a worthy candidate for this bursary, but I think you will have to accept that she will be joining the school now. You can reasonably request that she is not placed in the same class as your dd. You can advise your dd to keep away from her and report any problems. You can resolve to be vigilant and report any problems you hear about and insist on action being taken.

I hope it will not turn out to be as bad as you fear.

duchesse Sun 17-Mar-13 08:12:55

Fear not- if she misbehaves at independent school, she will be removed pretty swiftly.

Kyrptonite Sun 17-Mar-13 08:13:28

Who the fuck made it up to you to decide who is deserving of a bursary?

invicta Sun 17-Mar-13 08:16:03

It's up to the school to decide who to award their bursaries to, or to which pupils to admit to their school.

I know you are concerned for your child's welfare and education. I would follow the other posters advice who suggested contacting the school and requesting they are not in the same class due to previous history.

Branleuse Sun 17-Mar-13 08:18:02

OP you sound like a bully and gossip

duchesse Sun 17-Mar-13 08:18:46

And she is 10.

I'm thinking that your DD is your oldest child...or else you would know that teenage is a long time and that even at 18 a person is not set in stone.

LittlePushka Sun 17-Mar-13 08:18:56

Are you for real? Do you also take a highly subjective and judgemetnal view of pensioners claiming attendance allowance, then seriously consider calling the benefits cheat helpline? Do you, bizarrely, think that you and your behaviour is somehow more deserving?

These are rhetorical questions, please do not reply.

exoticfruits Sun 17-Mar-13 08:21:12

It sounds rather like a poison pen writer!

Needmoresleep Sun 17-Mar-13 08:22:15

You might need to be careful.

We were probably not the only people to raise eyebrows, though chose not to share our thoughts, when a contemporary of my daughter received a full bursary to a highly sought after school, one which turned down my daughter.

A year or two later I heard via others that her home life was unravelling, suggesting long-standing issues that none of us had been aware of. Then by chance I bumped into the deputy Head of her old Primary school. She was not surprised. She did not give much away but suggested she was more than aware of what was going on and had spent a lot of time supporting the girl. We saw problematic behaviour, she saw a girl coping with adversity with a good deal of maturity.

All credit to the secondary school who took a child who needed a safe haven and provided the financial means to enable her to go there. I was left feeling a bit mean spirited and pleased I had kept my thoughts to myself. Ironically it is a school which sometimes attracts posts about its lack of diversity. They would have had many really bright and motivated candidates for their bursaries, but appear to have chosen a girl who in their (and my) eyes stood to benefit most.

MoreBeta Sun 17-Mar-13 08:22:36

The bursary was not awarded on the basis of her behaviour but on the basis of need.

She may benefit and actually change her behaviour in a positive way at a new school. If she continues to behave that way at school she will be asked to leave after several escalating warnings.

Those are the rules.

pansyflimflam Sun 17-Mar-13 08:22:58

So what are you trying to achieve? You actually would like this child removed from the school?? or just her bursary? It is Ok if she goes there but not on a bursary (Itake it you applied and did not get it then) It may be that this school could help to turn her behaviour around but nevermind, it is all about your and your child right?

Can i just say, just so you know that you need to keep your nasty mouth shut - this is a child, whether you like her or not, she is a child and if you go around in a small school like this trying to garner support for this you will have a lawsuit on your hands (you certainly would if she were my daughter)

This is one of those things where you have to suck it up or change schools. Paying your fees does not give you control over the admission policy. You sound so horrible and perhaps you need to spend time supporting your own daughter rather than vilifying someone elses.

pansyflimflam Sun 17-Mar-13 08:27:04

And seriously, it should all be confidential who gets what moneywise because otherwise it can lead to these sort of judgments!

Seriously OP I cannot believe you are for real.

I wish the OP to tell the school, if only to show the school that she's slightly bitter and jealous of a young child. By doing this she would show the school that she -the OP- can't be trusted to remain fair and unbiased.

Chubfuddler Sun 17-Mar-13 08:30:12

It may not be a rehabilitation service (has she committed any crime by the way?) but it is an educational establishment. It's not an exam factory - one of the many advantages of independent education is that they have the time and resources to address a child's needs holistically (I know state schools try to do this too before anyone jumps on me). She's nine for christs sake.

She clearly has problems IF what you say about her is true. Fortunately her personality is not set in concrete probably too late for you though.

Coconutty Sun 17-Mar-13 08:30:14

If you go in to complain about a child who the head has awarded a bursary to, you are going to look extremely bitter.

Just because you have chosen to pay for your DDs education does not mean you have any say at all in who else goes to the school.

I sincerely hope that you have not been going around slagging off this little girl to other parents.

skratta Sun 17-Mar-13 08:31:27

Are you for real? The school have chosen her. They probably have interviewed her and however much she lies, generally schools are used to that and see through it. But even if that wasn't a case, time will tell. 'Informing the school' might just tell them what sort of parent they DON'T want at the school.

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