I know it's been done to death and I've read loads of old threads, but am still struggling to make a decision and now only have one week before accepting a place at the independent school and paying a hefty deposit.
DS has been offered a place at our local independent school - it seems to be well regarded (top 50) and is academically selective. It has great facilities, great results, lots of extra curricular stuff etc but he would have a longish commute (car journey to neighbouring village where he can catch the school bus, an hour door to door).
This would be an easier decision if our catchment state school wasn't also very well regarded - Ofsted outstanding, top 250, also great facilities, and obviously free.
The reason we looked at the indie is because DD1 and DD2 are at the state school and, despite the pr, there are lots of things that we aren't happy about - having said that, they're both doing well.
We could afford the fees easily, and would not have to sacrifice holidays or anything like that, but obviously don't want to waste money - I have no doubt at all that the indie is better than the state option, but remain unconvinced that it is better enough iyswim.
I'm going round in circles and would welcome any views.
Re: OP's DDs resenting brother having private education while they have state.
An exbf of mine went to a reputable independent school while his sister went to the local comp,which did not have a brilliant reputation ( her decision, wanted to be with her friends and did not fancy indep school).
This didn't cause any problems or resentments at the time or in the years immediately after. But this was maybe due to the fact that she did far better than he did in the long run - she ended up as a lawyer with a top firm while he got into university but dropped out due to not doing enough work, losing a sponsorship from an oil company in the process.
Academic ability was very high for both but in myexbf case, he couldn't handle the fact that no- one was spoonfeeding him at Uni/breathing down his neck anymore whereas his sister had been used to motivating herself and managing her own workload (I know this because I also went to her school and had to do the same myself!).
I appear to be awakening some zombie threads today but...
If your DS is Yr 9 or above and wants to go, let him go.
But does the school have a boarding option? My nephew started out like that, one hour commute to his school (rural), but found on Monday and Tuesdays he wasn't home till 10 because of activities, so started flexi-boarding, then the spare time let him try more activies, so he pushed for weekly boarding, so be became involved in a lot of activities and ended up as a full boarder within 2 years. So be wary of that happening! (Alternatively, look into boarding straight away if he wants).
If your DS is (going into) Yr 7 or 8 be a bit more careful- that's a long time each day.
If your DS will be Yr 6 or below- nope. Not worth it.
You can always go from private to state but not always from state to private.
And talk to your daughter(s?), take her to the open days etc. She might change her mind and you don't want her getting jealous later, because lower 6th is the only time they can switch now, really.
You've probably made your decision by now, but if you haven't, I hope I helped.