Private Vs State for discipline with a boundary pushing DS

(104 Posts)
jalapeno Fri 08-Feb-13 18:26:03

DS is a bright boy but showing some challenging behaviour. He has been assessed for ASD, ADHD etc but nothing can be diagnosed as he is not displaying "symptoms" of any one particular disorder, he isn't like this with us at home (it is the opposite of the good state of affairs which is challenging at home, angel at school!) and despite us being extremely poor at the moment and mildly opposed to private education I am tempted to look into a private prep school.

For example DS has been spitting on the floor. He spat once on the floor at home about 8 months ago and I dealt with it and nothing at home since. At school, I am mortified to discover that he does it several times a week, they have written him a "social story" to show him why he shouldn't do it. Personally I think they should read him the riot act and he wouldn't do it again. There are other examples of this flowery approach and I think he has sussed it. He is a boundary pusher but responds well to a strict set of rules.

Am I being daft? Are prep schools more disciplined? Or should I just tell school to man up a bit? Would he flounder in a prep school because they would expect perfect behaviour?

fivecandles Tue 30-Apr-13 19:34:50

Hmm... seems like this is one of those threads where information is gradually added so that the op turns into something quite different.

I do struggle with the idea that the school is 'allowing' your son 'to misbehave'. You see, I think that HE is responsible for his behaviour and it does sound like you are looking for other people/school to MAKE HIM behave when ultimately, this is something he should be learning for himself with your help.

Certainly I didn't say that you were being dramatic about the spitting on the floors of the school which I think is a really disgusting thing for a child to be doing. What I felt was that that was a dramatic reason to move schools.

Now it emerges that the school tried and failed with their 'social story' to stop the problem but you then you solved it yourself by working with the school which is what I suggested some way up the thread (which is not what was said in the OP where you said he spits several times a week using the present tense). So, if you can resolve this problem by working with the school and assertive parenting maybe that is the way forward with his other behavioural problems?

jalapeno Wed 01-May-13 07:12:48

fivecandles how could I write about the behaviour log in the OP when it hadn't happened at that point? This thread started in February before I had met with teachers or anything, I merely updated the other day to let the people that helped me then know what was going on. How ridiculous to moan that this is a drip-feed thread because IT IS! It was written as the situation unfolded.

When I wrote the OP I was desperate for help or reassurance, now things have improved. My update about Ofsted was to show that actually an external person has come in and basically told the school what I was telling them in February so whatever you think about me fivecandles, ofsted agree with me!

Of course it is my job to raise my children to behave well. I did that and he behaved well up until this year. I hope your children never do anything unexpected when not in your presence and when you ask for help at a vulnerable time someone says such horrible things. To say that a school shouldn't have to discipline children is just silly and you must surely know that?!

I shan't try and defend myself any more because you will clearly always feel superior to me but take it from me it's just when you think you've done a really good job with your kids that one of the blighters chucks you a curved ball. At that point by your logic you will have to label yourself a crap parent or maybe you'll just want a bit of reassurance on mumsnet.

musu Wed 01-May-13 07:31:45

jalapeno I wouldn't engage if I were you. Fivecandles is one of those perfect parents that don't actually exist in RL but are surprisingly common on MN grin

jalapeno Wed 01-May-13 09:48:06

Ah ok...thanks musu I did wonder grin

I just had a really good meeting with deputy head who is going to recommend wiping the slate clean with the IEP at start of the next school year for a fresh start with new teacher and agreed that school needs to enforce strict boundaries and not make allowances for him.

She agreed that his behaviour has become self-fulfilling and he will be treated as any other boy his age and only to start the SEN road if re-assessed as needed without the IEP.

I'm happy grin.

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