In the end do the nice kids end up most popular?

[pepsi]

My ds6 is in Year 1. Theres not many boys in his class ...9 in fact, so not really a lot of choice in friends, but he has a couple of boys he really likes, however one is in a group of 3 boys, my ds wants and tries to play with them and it seems two of them like to dictate who can play when and who can sit next to who and so on, which Im sure is pretty common place. One is getting nastier and my ds tells me he punched him in the stomach today for no reason. My ds told the teacher and she dealt with it, although didnt speak to me. I asked the teacher the other day if my ds annoyed other children and she said no and whether he in fact was every mean, or told children they can play, etc, and she said she has never seen him being nasty to any child. I like to think that my children are getting a good upbringing and are nice people, I feed them well, give them lots of love and we are a happy family. My ds has a good personality and is a very very happy little boy. In the end does this prevail and the grumpy/nasty kid slides down in the popularity stakes or does their authority gather steam? Should I also approach the Mum of the child who hit mine, I do get on with her and speak in the playground and I like her, last year my ds and this boy were best pals but somethings happened somewhere. My ds still wants to be his friend.

[cheltenhamgal]

really am not sure on this one, just wanted you to know someone was reading your post :) good luck

[Polgara2]

Oooh I want to know the answer to this so will be watching with interest !!

[Twiglett]

are you unhappy with the way the teacher dealt with it? maybe you should speak to the teacher about that .. I wouldn't bring something up to the mother because its not necessarily 'nasty' at 9 is it? although definitely to be frowned upon IMO .. and how do you know what happened immediately before apart from your child saying he did nothing..

I don't think nice kids do necessarily become the most popular .. in fact if I look back on schooldays I think 'nice' kids languished behind 'cool' kids / those with attitude definitely .. and its only as an adult (way through my 20's) that I started to appreciate 'nice' .. I think talented, gifted, sparky, funny, amusing, interesting are far better indications of potential popularity

DS is nice too btw

[Twiglett]

I think the most important thing btw is whether your child feels popular .. which comes down to confidence

I always felt 'popular' but looking back maybe I wasn't .. I hung out with different groups of people and was quite immune to other people's opinions .. but I don't think I was central to any of the groups (although during schooldays I think I felt I was) .. I also have a crap memory so easily wipe out potential slights

so the end result is that I'm confident, quite extrovert and basically just like to have fun, interesting conversations with an eclectic bunch of people .. I generally don't care if other people particularly like me .. but they seem to .. possibly cos I don't obviously care ...

some days I wake up insecure and feel the exact opposite .. today is not one of those days

[Crystaltips]

Sorry - you say year 1 ... what age is your DS ?

I'm in belfast and we call things differently .... year 1 would be the first year of secondary school - and kids would be 11 / 12 ....

I ask becuase this would affect my reply !!! IYKWIM

[Twiglett]

yr 1 is aged 5-6

[Twiglett]

sorry I thought child was 9 .. now realise he's 5 -6 .. definitely don't think you can interpret a punch as 'nastiness' at that age .. they are testing the boundaries and potentially play-fighting .. they are having hormone bursts and trying to find their way

[pepsi]

Thanks for that, Ive no problem with how the school dealt with it, and yes you are probably right that at 5/6 there is an element of pushing and shoving that is just part of growing up. Im just curious as to how all these different personalities develop and how they are perceived in the long run. When at nursery and in reception teachers struggled to get ds to play with other children, now its the other way. His teacher tells me he is a popular child, but he is not always confident and this is something we are working on, hence part of my worry that a problem with another boy could dent his confidence. I like you Twiglett, the way you describe yourself is how I would describe me and I have those insecure days too. My ds is just so lovely and thoughtful, if Im going out he will always look at me and say Mummy you look lovely or ask if I need help in the kitchen, I dont want anything or anyone to take that away.

[Miaou]

Hmm - dd2 is in a small class (well, a small school really, there are only 15 of them!) and she is one of only two girls in her year. The other girl is similar to the boy you described - pushy, argumentative, tells people she hates them if they won't play her way etc - and after a year of trying to be nice to her dd2 has just given up and made friends with the boys. The mother of this other girl keeps hinting at getting the two of them together because her daughter "hasn't got many friends" but dd2 refuses point blank after a bad experience. Her loss! It's just beginning to dawn on this girl that she is losing out.

In some ways it is a bad thing being part of a very small group - but in dd2's case it has worked out ok.

[firestorm]

the most popular child is generally the one who has the loudest voice in my experience.

[GDG]

Ha ha ha - LOL FIrestorm! At last parents evening the teacher said ds1 was really popular with everyone (he was the same at nursery). At the parents evening before that she said 'he's got a loud voice for such a little boy' (he's smaller than average for his age). SO, you may well be right there!!

he's nice though - he's not aggressive at all.

[GDG]

He's only in reception btw!