Bullying - is this it? What should I do?

[Bugsy2]

DS is 6.5, bit immature & completely untough & unsavy.
He says he is being repeatedly kicked under the table by a couple of children. His shins are covered in bruises.
I sent a note in with him today, outlining what he told me about the kicking. No response back from teacher.
I am thinking of going in to speak to her tomorrow. I feel very protective of DS obviously - but don't want to appear over anxious & fussy.
Do you think this is worth seeing his teacher about? Is it bullying - how concerned would you be?

[SenoraPostrophe]

I guess it is bulying, but I would hesitate to label it as such in such young children iyswim.

would def see the teacher though - just to ask her to keep an eye out and to ask the other children to stop. that will hopefully be enough.

[starlover]

yes I would see the teacher. it is bullying.

[SuperTramp]

Not sure whether it's bullying. Could just be sillyness without any malicious intent. I would speak to the teacher though.

[Bugsy2]

Watched one of the girls who is involved shove DS so hard in the playground this morning that he was flat on his face - literally. She seems to be leading the kicking under the table - I think I probably should say something.

[Bink]

Poor you Bugsy (have you seen my thread asking v similar question on something which is not anything like as bad? - but exactly the same thing on "when do you call it bullying?") - anyway, the view from others on that thread is that it is bullying when it's a repeated pattern (like yours). I'd also say it's much more likely to be bullying when it's ganging-up - which is what's happening to your boy. Even when they're this young.

I should hope the teacher can make some very straightforward changes - like moving him from that table - and talking to the class as a whole (ie, not singling him out) about treating others with respect, not hurting others, etc.

[Bugsy2]

I hadn't seen your thread Bink - I'll go & find it now. Thank you.

[Marina]

Not nullying necessarily Bugsy - your ds sounds rather like mine, and a couple of times we have taken some Byzantine yarns at face value, followed them up discreetly with his form teacher, and got back a very different, and entirely plausible, alternative perspective. The key is getting that response though, and feeling it is part of a dialogue rather than a "no he isn't being bullied, end of discussion" type exchange.
I would see the teacher about it, personally, and hopefully she will be able to investigate and get to the bottom of it for you.
Good luck with sorting it out - you never know, the other two children's shins might be similarly alarming and all part of some mad year 2 game....

[Marina]

Gosh, cross-posted. Shoving does NOT sound part of any kind of game and you are very right to be concerned.
Good luck with getting a good solution in place at school.

[Bugsy2]

Thanks Marina. It is a nightmare. The note I sent in to his teacher did say that I wasn't sure in what context this may have happened - whether it was larking about or if perhaps DS had been particularly provocative.
Thing is, he is quite happy to do all the rough & tumble stuff and is quite a boysy little boy. He regularly comes home with cuts, bruises & even a black eye - all of which he has taken in his stride.
He was all miserable & teary when he told me about the kicking thing though & it has happened 3 days in a row now. So either he is being a prize prat or I need to wade in and ask for action to be taken!

[Marina]

Uh oh. Not part of the usual pig-pile in the playground then. Ds is part of the Wheelie Boys, a gang who talk brave talk of being part-dustbin, part-Auton, part-schoolchild, but they regularly trail home claiming to have been attacked by a vampire in Reception. I saw her tonight - tiny, doe-eyed and playing meekly with a Barbie. Hmmm.
You are right - there is a difference here. Poor little man, hope the school sort it for you.

[Bugsy2]

PMSL, Marina - part dustbin, part Auton (what?) and part schoolchild!!!! I've heard that tiny barbie playing vampires are particularly leathal!

[Freckle]

Although I wouldn't necessarily label this as bullying at this stage, it does need to be nipped in the bud. Children in the class need to be told about respect and not hurting each other, either physically or through feelings.

At the end of the day, your child is coming home unhappy and bruised, so a word with the teacher (as well as a reasonable explanation as to why she ignored your note) is definitely in order. At this age, children can so easily be put off school and this might colour his whole school experience.

[Marina]

How have you got on bugsy? I hope the school are taking your concerns seriously.
(FYI Autons are shop dummies made of living plastic from Dr Who. They can turn into vicious boyfriend-eating wheelie-bins. Adel Rootstein would be revolving in her grave).

[Socci]

Of course it's bullying. Your child's legs are covered in bruises. Personally I would be talking to the teacher like a shot and insisting she does something about it before it gets more out of hand. I would be very concerned and angry if she intends to do nothing about it.

[Bugsy2]

Hi there, thank you so much for thinking of me this morning. (another reason I love Mumsnet)
It was fine. I explained to DS's teacher that I didn't want to be pointing fingers but I didn't feel it was right for DS to have such badly bruised shins & that this had been going on for 3 days. I also referred to the shoving incident that I had seen for myself & she appeared very concerned & said that she would take this particular group out and talk to them.
I felt very reassured and hope that DS will too. I do worry that by making a fuss the other children who are being aggressive will just find more subtle ways of getting at DS (my own experience from school) but I hope things have changed a bit in the last 25 yrs!!!
BTW, Marina I love your son's group - made me chuckle over & over again last night.

[Marina]

I think things HAVE changed for the better since we were at school, bugsy. Friendship stops, circle time, Childline, anti-bullying policies and the very real threat of exclusion all help to reduce bullying generally especially at primary level.
I know there are still very disturbing stories in the press, but I think that in itself shows that bullying is taken more seriously as a social issue.
My mother was driven to verbally abusing and waving her fists at a nasty bully in my primary school who got away with it because his father was a senior member of the armed forces and a toff, and our Head was a cowardly toady snob. That kind of thing would not need to happen now IME and the Head would not be permitted to turn a blind eye.
I am sure your teacher will handle the matter in such a way that the bullies are warned off without feeling they can retaliate in any way. In my limited experience of worrying behaviour in the playground, it could be that your ds is not alone in being picked on and the matter is already on the School agenda.
Keep us posted. Your ds doesn't need all this after coming through a turbulent period in his life so successfully, bless him. And neither do you.

[Socci]

Bugsy - I'm glad she's going to do something about it. These days schools do generally seem to see bullying of any kind as a serious issue that can damage a child's self-esteem and escalate quickly (rightly so). So you should never feel that you are making a fuss about this sort of thing imo.

[flowers114]

We was teach our children at afeter school club about bullying and what to do some bully you.
AND WAY WE told our young people was
We show picture ask pick out what type things would young people bully others for eg if black or disable and wearing glass, beening fat,or calling name etc.
THEN ASK IF THESE RIGHT BULLYS DO THESE THINGS
and after we ask young people if their would do these shelf or who tell if their was bullyed,
And after that we pair them up to work in twos do a bulling posters eg.
BLACK GIRL AND DISABLE PERSON.
white boy.
AND YOUNG PERSON WEAR GLASS,ETC.
I think we make young people more aware we can learn stop bullys
And encouge tell some body instead saying silents

[Bugsy2]

Didn't go as well as I hoped. There seems to have been some misunderstanding or mis-communication. Had DS in tears or frustration last night. Apparently one of the dinner ladies went up to DS at the table where he was sitting with the other children who have been kicking him and said out loud in front of everyone that she heard that DS's mum had been in to school because DS had been kicking other children & proceeded to tear a strip off him publicly & then turned on her heel & walked off.
DS was distraught, he was devastated. Thinks that no one listens to him, that I have made the situation worse by talking to his teacher, thinks that he has done something wrong. Absolute bloody nightmare!!!
I have sent another note in this morning, as I want a written record of my real concern about what happened and I will be seeing his teacher again this afternoon.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Philly]

Thats appalling,I would be on the phone to the school straight away saying that this dinnerlady should be put fully in the picture.what a dreadful way to behave.I would be fuming!

[Marina]

at the dinnerlady bugsy, so much for our collective faith that the school would handle this appropriately. I think you need a full and frank explanation from his teacher this afternoon and I do hope you get it. I am really sorry to hear this.
Flowers, ds' after-school club does this kind of activity too. I think it does help a lot - but look what happens when children are let down by adults supposedly responsible for good pastoral care :(

[soapbox]

Bugsy - very shocked at the latest turn of events!

I think I would discuss it briefly with the teacher this afternoon but would be making an immediate appointment with the Head.

This is totally unacceptable. In effect the dinnerlady is also bullying your child!