Chatty/noisy son in classroom

[austju]

Hi, I am hoping that I can get some ideas to deal with my son who is making bad choices at school. He is in his third year and is clever, charming and I think well behaved - but - he is constantly missing out on class rewards due to constant talking and generally making noise (loves to do gun noises - he is seven after all). I have told him that we are dissapointed and discussed that he and the other children are at school to learn and that the teacher is there to teach and that his behaviour is unfair to himself and everyone else. It seems to me that he has not got the social maturity to understand and follow class room rules - and I wish I could make him take the easier path in life, I mean it is not hard to button your lip is it. Anyway, I am leaving now to pick him up from school, my last words this morning were along the lines of "Get a bit of self-control". I hope it worked!

I just don't want him to settle in at the bad child side of the class spectrum.

[Chandra]

Ask the teacher to change him to another seat if he's talking, that normally do the trick. They keep quiet because they don't want to be moved away of their friends. HTH

[austju]

He is moved every two weeks as a class routine. They do it with blocks, ie the children sit with their hands out on monday morning and are given a block. All the colours are then sat together for a fortnight. They choose a team name and have incentives to work great as a team.

The teacher said that he is always worried about what everyone else is doing rather than just getting on with his own tasks.

He is also a talker, even when he is playing alone (even drawing)there is a constant chatter and sound effects.

[Hallgerda]

How does he behave at home? Could you practise doing some kind of quiet activity (could be drawing pictures maybe) in complete silence, so he's more used to working quietly at school?

I wish I had £1 for every time I'd told my children to get a bit of self-control. Which may indicate it's not entirely effective. I think it's entirely right for you to point out that his behaviour is unfair to himself and everyone else, but could it be that he just isn't that motivated by social pressure? I've found my children often react better to a straight "this is unacceptable and you must not do it" than any kind of explanation. In some ways a resistance to social pressure is a good thing (will save you trouble over expensive trainers later on, and more of it might have saved the world from a few totalitarian regimes) but schools can find it a hard attitude to work with.

Perhaps you could try involving him in an activity in which it is really necessary to keep quiet (wildlife watching perhaps?) so he sees the point better? I would certainly have a word with the teacher - you may find the situation is not as bad as you think.

[Chandra]

ask her to seat him at the front for a couple of weeks, or near to the end corner, that way he will only be able t speak to one child to his side and the teacher.

I think Hallgerda idea is a very good one

[austju]

I will definately try the quiet activity time at home. I spoke to the teacher and she said (just quietly) that she enjoyed his "spunk" but she still is hoping to have him settle into the classroom routine a bit better. I think he is a little champ really - and he did end up on the smiley chart today.

[netmum37]

I have a son who is just the same. He is 10 and at every parent evening we go to the teachers say the same thing, he talks constantly, doesn't finish his work because he is too busy chatting and no matter where they sit him or who he is sat next to he still talks. He will talk to anyone about anything. One teacher asked me to tell him to stop talking so much - how am I meant to do that? That is just who he is. He is very confident, not shy at all. One teacher said it was nice to have someone in the class who wasn't scared to talk in front of the whole class and for group discussions he was wonderful. So it does have the positive.

[Jennypog]

It is funny how much we value a chatty child when they are 3 or 4, but as soon as they get into school, they are labelled as naughty.

You perhaps need to let your little boy understand when it is appropriate to chatter and when he needs to be quiet. This is difficult though in a chatty confident little boy, who just wants to have fun. May be we are at fault for expecting children to be quiet all the time, when it goes against their nature.

In the short term there is probably little you can do. He will probably grow out of this phase and start to understand the need to listen and prevent disruption.

Good luck.

[Blandmum]

From a teachers point of view, though, it can be exceptionaly difficult to explain to a class what the next activity is going to be, what they will need etc, if someone is chatting. It isn't a case of expecting silnce all the time, but being able to listen is a skill that needs to be learned.

I teach in secondary and have lost count of the kids who cannot listen for the five minutes you need to explain what they ned to do in a practical. You give them guidance notes, and demo the practical and you can bet your boots someone will be chatting. Guess which child will than put their hand up and compliain that they 'don't know what to do next'?

It is a skill, it needs to be learned and far too many kids get to secondary school without it.

[KateF]

Chatty, confident children are lovely but they do need to learn to let others have a turn to speak and to listen at appropriate times - it's a social/manners thing IMO. As for gun/car/train etc noises, they can drive a teacher absolutely nuts

[Blandmum]

snap! kate!

[KateF]

I currently have one in my class (just turned 4 year olds) who makes these noises all the time. He is a great lad but there are times when I wish he would lose his voice

[Jennypog]

I teach children who are a bit older and even at 16 there are some who still don't know when to hold their tongues! I know they drive us all crazy, but at 7 it must be hard for the little blighters. Mummy says how lovely it is to talk and be friendly, then says don't speak to strangers, then says be quiet at school. All very confusing!

I used to talk non stop when I was at school and I think it took me until about 15 to realise that I had to shut up. Well, I think I have learned anyway. May be not - just tell me to shut up.

[austju]

Thank you all for the great feedback. I agree that he needs to learn to stop talking/playing and listen or work at times. As adults nobody likes someone who thinks their voice needs to be loud and heard all the time. Listening is a skill that we all need to practice in order to be a good friend/parent/employee/boss - whatever.

Today DS has a day off school and took his first unaccompanied flight. DH met him at the other end and the flight attendent made a positive comment about his "entertainment value" i.e. he talked their ears off. I do feel that the majority of his chatter is interesting but I admit that I am guilty of either tuning out or even saying "OK It's quiet time now" And, if I were a teacher trying to get a (very important) job done then I would probably be a lot less patient than his teacher is.

Another thing I thought was that school is about more than educating it is also where our kids learn their social skills to become valuable members of the adult world. It is great that he is being guided toward making better decisions in this setting. Really, when you think of some of the behaviour going on in classrooms his is not so bad and hopefully an easier one to improve.

Love the idea about the handbag game. I am definately going to start playing this with him. It will be good to improve his self control but also his listening. Just lately I have been getting frustrated by his inabilty to follow more than one instruction at a time.