Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

1 2

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Education

Real dilemma over schooling - not sure you can advise!

33 replies

wangle99 · 03/02/2006 20:50

I have posted before but not for a while so forgive me for repeating myself.

Last DD was being bullied by a teacher at her state primary school. I didn't know the correct procedure for complaining so we removed her. She got a music scholarship to a local independent school (Choir school) and was doing great except the travelling was getting a bit much (22 miles from home to school and back twice a day) and financially we realised we'd bitten off more than we could chew.

DD left last November and we got her into another local state that was meant to have a good reputation - she hates it, isn't getting on well, doesn't really have many friends and they don't really do much music (the least they can get away with under national curriculum).

I went to the old school (private one) to collect DD's hockey stick which we had forgotten about to be greeted by the headmaster with a letter offering DD a renewed scholarship for 85% of the fees to include music tuition in one instruction. To say I'm gobsmacked is an understatement. Even in their prospectus they say nothing over 66% will be offered.

I really don't know what to do, the thought of spending that much time in my car doesn't appeal (I have a DS age 2 as well), DD did flourish there and the ethos is wonderful. Should I just do it and put up with the driving to give her the best start? She could board but DH really doesn't want her to.

Any constructive advice, BTDT would be greatfully received.

Thanks

Sarah

OP posts:

Report

TambaTheTemptress · 03/02/2006 20:51

I would take her to the music school - it would be worth it to have a happy DD.

Angeliz · 03/02/2006 20:52

If it was just the driving then i'd say yes.
Can you afford it though long term?

mszebra · 03/02/2006 20:53

music school & seriously consider moving house.. could someone else pick her up/drop her off sometimes for you?

tamum · 03/02/2006 20:53

Do you mean 88 miles a day? That sounds a heck of a lot, but I can see that she would be much happier there by the sounds of it, and they clearly want her back. Is there any way she could board for a couple of nights a week, just so it wasn't quite so relentless? No possibility of car sharing, presumably?

mandieb · 03/02/2006 20:53

so go get your car keys then .

LIZS · 03/02/2006 20:56

How old is your dd ? Would you ever be able to move closer to the school and also perhaps send ds there, otherwise it will just get more complicated logistically as time goes on. Is there a school bus service at least in the mornings to save you a trek ? We currently are about 8 miles away from our kids school and I find that too far tbh. Think I would try to make it work somehow.

Orinoco · 03/02/2006 20:58

Message withdrawn

wangle99 · 03/02/2006 21:05

Wow wasn't expecting answers so quickly!

DD is 8 years old, 9 in June. We cannot move nearer the school as we currently live next door to my Inlaws who help with childcare whilst I work (I'm self employed). Currently there are no other families who live this direction but of course that may change.

Not sure if you've seen on BBC 2 'A Seaside Parish' (featuring clergy in Cornwall) it's the school that has been shown on that, apparently DD is in it but we missed the programme grrr

yes, it is 88 miles a day

OP posts:

jennifersofia · 03/02/2006 21:08

I would go for the music school and maybe move halfway between there and inlaws? She spends so much time in school, it would be awful for her to hate the whole experience.

mszebra · 03/02/2006 21:13

probably dumb idea, but would your inlaws consider moving, too?

wangle99 · 03/02/2006 21:16

Inlaws wouldn't move, they aren't entirely convinced independent schooling is worth it anyway!

State school good enough for them lol!

OP posts:

hercules · 03/02/2006 21:17

How long does it take you to drive it?

batters · 03/02/2006 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wangle99 · 03/02/2006 21:24

Takes about 25 mins in the morning to get there, longer to get home because I hit the traffic. About the same in the evening - roads are good.

DD moved from state to private last June. Then back to state in November. To be honest that is why we are so worried about moving her again, it has to be the right decision. There aren't any girls that she is friends with at the moment unfortunately to invite home. As for music lessons we can't find a teacher with spaces!

OP posts:

hercules · 03/02/2006 21:25

I dont think it's that bad a drive for her or for your 2 year old. DO it now before time goes on and you regret not moving her.

Earlybird · 03/02/2006 21:27

Do you have any idea what your dd wants?

Do you have other children? Just trying to figure out if your in-laws look only after your dd, or if there are other children. Can your dh/dp not help out? Could your in-laws share some of the driving?

Lots of questions....

Earlybird · 03/02/2006 21:28

Sorry, see you have a 2 year old - when will he be in nursery, or is he already?

wangle99 · 03/02/2006 21:32

2 year old DS is in nursery on Mon & Fri mornings while I work (MIL has him Tues pm and other odd times as necessary), nursery is on the way to school and he will do preschool there probably as it's fantastic.

I know DD will want to go back there as she was distraught when moved. She has changed from a happy child into a sullen argumentative one - admittedly it could be an age thing but the timing of the change in her fitted in with the school move.

There is a possibility PIL could help with an afternoon run (haven't asked yet but you never know!)

DH can't help as he starts work too early in the morning.

OP posts:

jamiesam · 03/02/2006 21:38

Wangle - how's this going to work in longer term? That is, when DS goes to school. Have to say 22 miles in 25 minutes sounds absolutely reasonable compromise at the moment, given how happy your DD would be there. But will it become unbearable when ds goes to school - can you afford same school, would going to two different schools including this big commute be unbearable...?

Earlybird · 03/02/2006 21:40

Could dh help with afternoon run?

Earlybird · 03/02/2006 21:42

Or maybe by accepting the scholarship on offer, you take some of the money saved on school fees and hire someone to do the school run for you...

batters · 03/02/2006 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

AngelaD · 03/02/2006 21:47

I would take her back in a heart beat, we are going without beans on the toast to put ours through private school if we move house.

batters · 03/02/2006 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wangle99 · 03/02/2006 21:54

DH couldn't help with afternoon run he doesn't finish till 5pm and is a lorry driver so out on the road (but nowhere near school!)

DS couldn't go there as we couldn't afford the full fees. He will go to local state that we couldn't get DD into (original school with horrid teacher was our local one but we moved when DH's grandmother left us her house). To be totally honest I haven't thought about how to get him to school when the time comes burying head in sand maybe. Deep down I think I know that we cannot accept this but I'm going to be beating myself up over it everytime DD is unhappy.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.