What's it like to leave a hysterical child at the school door every day, then? :(

[mszebra]

7 months before DD starts school but I really don't think things are going to get much better...
DD is 4y+4m old.
I had to carry her into preschool the other day; she was almost hysterically screaming & kicking and only didn't because I promised to stay with her.
Mostly after a few minutes she does let me leave peacefully (otherwise I stay most the session).
But it's only 4x2.5 hour sessions/week.
HOW IN THE WORLD is she going to adjust to 5x6 hour days/week at school in the autumn?
Her preschool wants her to take herself into 2 of her sessions/week starting this Friday and it's a complete joke, she may NEVER do it.
She lacks social confidence; I am working hard to help her make friends & teach her to stand up for herself, but am making slow progress.
I am not cut out for home-educating, but both DH & I are really worried that DD will never cope with "big school"....

[littlemissbossy]

Don't worry my ds did this every day at pre-school and although he cried a couple of times when he started big school, he soon settled in. Most people worry about their child settling in at school, but they do and surprisingly quickly!

[MaggieT]

It's amazing how much they grow up in the 6 months before school starts. It could have been me writing this last year but my ds matured over the summer and went happily into school. Recepetion is completely different to preschool and even the least confident seem to adjust. It is often the over-confident who suffer because they have to conform.

[Mascaraohara]

No advice but sympathy, my dd starts in September and she'll only have turned 4 at the end of June. I think like the others have said the children adapt quickly.

Also, where as she may have been the only new starter at the time in her pre-school, they will all be new together at big school. I think that helps a lot. Will any of her 'friends' be going to the same school? Does the Reception teacher visit the pre-school at all?

[rummum]

does she have a keyworker that you can leave her with, as this should give her confidence,
does she settle quickly after you have left?

[Blu]

Oh, poor you, this does sound very horrible.

But I do agree with the others that DS grew up a surprising amount in the same timescale your DD has before starting school. I was dreading DS starting shool, thinking he was too young, but in the last 3 months before beginnning reception he developed a whole new attitude, and by the time he did start, I felt he was a little overdue.

Will any children from her pre-school be going to the same school?

What do you think of the pre-school? I removed DS from a busy nursery pre-school in the March before he started reception in Jan, and sent him to a smaller, cosier one from April-Dec. he really flourished there, and developed the confidence to carry him onto reception - whilst he had been miserable and withdrawn in the first one.

[mszebra]

There was one little boy in DS1's reception class (the oldst in the year, actually) and he cried almost every day when his mum left him the whole year. My heart used to ache to see him, am not wanting dd to be the same.

[sandyballs]

My DD cried every morning for a few weeks when she started reception in September. It was horrible, and she used to cry all the way there, but the teacher handled it quite well and distracted her whist I slipped away. She reassured me that DD was fine once I had gone.

[LIZS]

dd - 4yrs 5 months - was similar to begin with (a long standing clingy child), but even she is now starting to go into her classroom on her own. She was amongst the last to do it but ince she saw the others' example she was determined not to be the last ! In fact she has surprised us with just how happy she has become at school and her stamina to cope with long days , going full time straight away at just 4.

Your dd will adjust and there are bound to be others who behave very similarly. Does the school do familiarisation sessions where she'll meet her teacher and other children in her class ? Try to relax in the meantime and enjoy your last few months of her company !

[sunnydelight]

DS2 cried EVERY day for the first two years!!!!! I was at my wits end even though the teachers remained really nice about it. In the end we just had to break the habit, instead of taking him into the classroom (like all parents did) I explained that I would be saying goodbye at the door. The TA came to get him, I said goodbye quickly and LEFT, and that was that! I sincerely hope that your DD won't be the same, but even if she is it won't last forever (I crashed the car one morning though leaving school as I was so stressed about it )

[throckenholt]

zeb - DS1 was like that quite a bit at playgroup and for the first few days at school - but after that he was fine - running into the room without a backward glance (amazingly). We had a relapse a week or two back after he had been ill, but he is fine again now.

What helped him was taking his favourite teddy and doggy to school with him - they still go and sit on the shelf all morning !

He loves school - but doesn't like being left. I lurk around outside and look in the window - he is genuinely fine after a minute or two.

[throckenholt]

meant to say - a number of people have said the same thing - ie cried at playgroup but fine at school after the first week or two.

Another thing that helped some was to go in later when everyone had settled - then you don't get involved in all the hussle and bussle - you can just slip in and join in with something or go off and do something on her own - eg play with a favourite toy.

Will she see DS1 at playtime ?

[tamum]

Poor you, zebra. No advice really- ds was OK at nursery because he'd been there since babyhood, but I could never conceivably have left him at a birthday party, for example. He dreaded school and cried at the settling in but never looked back once he started, seemed to thrive on the routine really. None of that kind of stuff helps though, does it

[edgetop]

i remember writing the same thing on here last year about my ds, he would cry when i left him at playgroup. i dreded taking him to school, but told his teacher she handled it really well. he did cry for a few weeks, but he got a friend, now on a morning he kisses me & goes off to find his friend.
i never thought i would be writing this!!!!

[Blu]

How do you feel about the pre-school?Maybe take her out until the summer term?

[mszebra]

Thanks for the replies... I am just dreading the idea of DD starting school so maybe I just need moral support that whatever happens we will get thru it ok, & to prevent fretting.

That's what I'm wondering, Blu. Today I had to drag dd away from playschool because she wanted to bring one of their toys home & wouldn't let her... plus I do have issues with this preschool & one of the staff (DD's keyworker, actually), so going there just feels like a nightmare in all respects. But they have close links with the school, DD will go to school with this same group of children & will get to know her reception teacher pretty well before school starts.

Throck: they segregate the reception children during playtime so DD won't see her brother that much at "big" school (alas).

And I haven't even mentioned how she won't take herself to toilet yet, how she only likes to wear pretty dresses but they have dull uniforms. It was so easy starting ds1 at school, by comparison.

[throckenholt]

just throwing another idea in - is probably completely impractical - but is there a small village school nearby that might suit her better ? No idea how you would get 2 kids to 2 different schools - but if it wasn't far it might work.

Hold on to the idea that 7 months is a long time at their age.

[mszebra]

I don't think a different school would help that much (well, except they might be more flexible like I know yours is). I did wonder about sending Dd half-days until after Xmas if things turn out as bad as I fear.

[throckenholt]

I think half days may help - and maybe one or two afternoons per week before the end of this year might help too.

[Pixel]

The 'distraction' thing didn't work very well with my dd as she soon worked out that she was being tricked (at preschool I mean). My strategy was to say really casually "I'm just popping up the shops to get some milk (or whatever), what sort of sweeties would you like me to bring you back?" and then I would disappear while she was still thinking of sweeties. I then started to disappear for longer intervals until she was staying happily for the whole session.

I know it was bribery but it was only for a short while until she really started to enjoy pre-school and rush in ahead of me. Then she forgot all about it. I think it worked because a/ she had an incentive for letting me go, and b/ it was confirming that I was coming back. She started reception without a backward glance which made me feel and at the same time!

[ssd]

in answer to the thread title-

heartbreaking.

[RTKangaMummy]

DS did this every day at pre-school and then in nursery class at Infant school for first weeks

He used to have to be peeled off me

And then it stopped and he went in fine



Good luck

[Orinoco]

Message withdrawn

[tamum]

zebra, as far as the pretty dresses go, when dd was about to start school and had her new uniform I gave her a doll (with long blonde hair like hers) and knitted it a little school uniform to match hers. It went down well with her. If you think it would be of any possible help I'd gladly knit one for your dd if you tell me what size doll and send me a pic of the uniform (not sure I could do blazers though...)

[motherinferior]

Zebra, my DD1 cried her eyes out every morning for the first fortnight. It used to wring my heart out - and only the stalwart support from other mothers, here and at the school (I am in lifelong debt to the friend who told me DD1's Y1 classmate cried every morning for three months) kept me going. It is scary. I know from my own experience it does get better. Oh, and incidentally I'd back the fact you can get a reaction you just didn't expect - I'd have put money on DD1 wailing oh-so-dramatically for two mornings tops, and then fitting right in. You may have the reverse. I do do hope so.

[katetee]

Hiya
Oh that takes me back a bit! DD1 walked through the doors nd never looked back and she was one of the youngest in that year. DD2 was a completely different story!!!! Playgroup was a nightmare she screamed every day for a year, hated everything about it. Hated being touched by other children, you know when the playgroup leader in her infinite wisdom says "Masie (or whoever) take Ellie's hand and take her to the fruit table". My DD2 would have preferred to rip her arm off than be lead by another child. After a year I pulled her out. Trued a couple of others and decided not to bother. She started school and was horrendous every day. The TA used to peel her off me each morning. I hated leaving her in such a state and some morning I would be walking down the road in tears too. Lunchtimes were not any better as she would cry until she was let out to play. Things continued like this for almost the whole reception year. there were mutterings about Aspergers etc, but they let her sort herself out in the end. Going into yr1 it was suggested that she may need "some emotional support", bt she was absolutely fantastic. She had grown into a lovely, sociable, popular little girl with loads of friends. She is now in Yr5 and has such a positive attitude to school, its amazing. I know I have waffled on and this doesn't help you, but I just wanted to let you know I've been there and we've both survived (almost intact!) Good luck