considering changing my reception childs school, already.

[firestorm]

my dd started school in september & is still having trouble seperating from me in the mornings. i think the problem is the fact that she has two teachers none of which are particularly suited imo to teaching reception children. they are not at all mumsey & one is a bit of a bitch really. at parents evening she had the cheek to suggest that dd needed counselling. dd is a sensitive soul & i dont feel her individual needs are being met with her current teachers.
we do have the option of dd going to another school which is much closer to our house than the current one. ive been there with dd & met the teacher & her prospective classmates & they seemed lovely. im sure she would be happier there.
there are fors & againsts for both schools.
current school is very large (640 pupils) other school has a third less & is a much smaller less intimidating place.
current school has a stable roll, new school has quite a few children starting/leaving throughout the school year.
current school is in a more socially advantaged area than the new one (new one has a much higher percentage of free school meals)
i have also heard that there may be a bullying problem at the new school (this is obviously a real concern)
i dont feel able to approach dds current school with my concerns as i worry the teacher may take things out on my daughter. <br /> the headteacher at the new school although a bit of a prat is quite an approachable person, as are the reception class teachers. <br /> my dillema is, do i stick it out for the rest of the school year & risk damaging dds confidence further while hoping she gets a better teacher next year? or move her now & face possible problems in the future?
dd is generally pretty positive about school when she comes out, so maybe the problem is more mine than hers.
the school she is at is generally thought of as a good school & all the children i know that go there are happy (including one girl who had dd`s current teachers last year) thats the main reason i choose the place. both schools have similar sat results.
any advice gratefully received.

[Candie]

This is quite a dilemma for you. I have 2 ds of my own and I also work as a teaching assistant in a reception class in a large school. Our class has 2 teachers who jobshare. I don't think this is an ideal situation for reception children. I do think ideally they should have one teacher who gets to know them really well. I could never imagine one of our teachers telling a parent that their child needs counselling at this age! If your dd is happy when she comes out though I think I would be inclined to keep her where she is.
It would be a big upheaval for her to be moved and it could upset her even more, especially if as you say there could be a bullying problem. We do get some children who actually get quite hysterical when their mums leave them but they really do soon calm down and are quite happy when their mums are gone. My ds1 had an awful teacher in yr 2 and I worked at the school then which made it really difficult. We finally got through the year and the following year he had a fantastic teacher. Good luck with your decision.

[jinna]

my son was the same in his reception class - he would cry every single day, but this year when he went in his year 1 class he was fine from day one - i think it was just a case of him maturing and understanding that it was o.k. to leave me! - if she is positive about the school i would continue in the class she is in -
Just read your message again - i think it was awful that the teacher suggested counselling - some children are more sensitive than others and take a little more to settle down - it isn't a bad thing , infact i thinks it is a good quality to have - sometimes i think teachers can overreact!

[miggy]

my DD was the same, had always cried at nursery, I had almost taken her out at one point. Started reception this year and same thing-its just that point of seperation thing, she would be really stressed thinking about me going and crying before we even got to the class, but like your dd, came out happy. DS1 and2 are at same school and they said she was happy whenever they saw her. This sounds really stupid but what has worked has been a star chart. Has to be a physical thing so that she puts her sticker on when she comes home if she didnt cry, and gets a present every 10 stars. Doing this in competition with her brother (gets a star for sleeping in his own bed-thats working too). I had tried everything else, bribery/corruption/staying on for longer and never in a million years thought this would work but it has, I do sympathise, there is nothing more horrid than leaving your baby crying, esp when teachers seem unsympathetic.

[Copper]

I'm shocked at the teacher's attitude to what is a really common problem.
Have you spoken to the teacher at the small school as to how she handles children who cry at handover? No point moving if the teacher there is similalry unsympathetic.

We moved a child in reception because we moved house: he settled in much more quickly than his sister in year 4. When we moved we had a choice between schools which sound exactly like your two. We went for the small school - largely because the atmosphere was so much more welcoming , and because we felt that our children would be appreciated as individuals. This has really happened. In a small school, I think children get to know almost everyone. My children have learnt that not everyone is as well off as they are, and have learnt to judge people by what they are like, not by what they have or don't have. I think this is good.

You said that you think your dd would be happier at the smaller school - if you really think this is so I would move her sooner rather than later - not because she cries but because the response to her crying has not been right

[codswallop]

Stick it out! FOFs child cried till Y1 but only as the mother listened , the minute she left it was fine- drop dd and run!

In the end she had to get really strict and told her to stop qiuite forcefully and left her at the door so she was so busy putting her stuff anway that she didnt notice her Mum had gone

[codswallop]

Oh and if she is sensitive I dont think moving her will help at all! Especially away form her brothers

[Jaybee]

Firestorm - could she go into school with a school friend rather than you for a while. A friend of my dd's was a little madam for her mum and really cried and played her up. Her mum ended up sitting in the class later and later which, she now admits, was the worst thing she could do. For a couple of weeks she left her dd at my house (we live right by the school) and she walked in quite happily with my dd and me - no problem at all. We now tend to walk in together, her mum too and she doesn't play up any more - I think it was a lesson for her mum as much as anything. Drop and run as Coddy says.

[Tinker]

Firestorm - my daughter cried for a long time in the mornings when she was in reception, easily the only one still doing it. Her teacher was very cuddly and used to pick her up and carry (not a 'problem' I guess you'll have with your daughter's teachers ). In the end, she adopted the brutal approach and just walked away from her when she started crying - her crying stopped within a week. I know it goes against your instincts but it does seem to work.

She is could just be unhappy with having 2 different teachers, in which case it's a different problem...

[firestorm]

a bit of an update for you.
things have improved this week tenfold. dd has gone into school fine every day, so it seems our problems may be over (fingers crossed)
thanks to everyone who replied for all your good advice.