Does it matter if your child's teacher doesn't like you?

[Enideepmidwinter]

I have noticed over the last couple of years that dd1's teacher isn't particularly friendly to me - much less so than to other parents. I have also noticed that at parent's evening she doesn't listen to what I have to say and rarely meets my eye, just launches into a very rehearsed sounding speech, sometimes about dd1 and sometimes about her experiences as a teacher, which although fascinating, aren't really what I am interested in during my rare 15 minute slot.

She is never particularly reassuring even though I have had a few worries about dd1's progress at school.

She made me feel a total idiot this morning when I asked if it would be possible to take a cake in for dd1's birthday on the 20th (they are rehearsing the school play all day so she won't be home until 3.30 then has to go to the performance at 5pm). She said no basically and that it was over the top and unnecessary.

I did take dd1 out for an hour last week to go to dd2's nativity play. The teacher was very unhappy about it and pointed out on three seperate occasions that it would be marked down as an unauthorised absence (which I knew about). Last week a girl in dd1's class took three days off to go to Eurodisney - she brought toys in and was encouraged by the teacher to talk about her trip.

Anyway, do you think this will affect dd1's education at all and, the 64 million dollar question, AM I BEING PARANOID

[ParrupupumScum]

Oh dear. She sounds horrible. i know we're adults and should be able to cope but it's not reallty very much fun being disliked for no reason, is it? Sympathies. I'm sure it won't affect dd. Or if it does only in a very short term way. Will she get a new teacher next year?

[MARINAtivityPlay]

Oh, how horrible, and no, from the sound of things you're not being paranoid, it does seem likely she has a downer on you. BUT I don't think it will affect dd1's education, as Scummy says. Just rather trying to live with.
We are grappling with a distant, reserved teacher this year too, after the warmest, most enthusiastic person possible last year...but we do now know that Ms Frosty is like this with all the parents, which helps us deal with the "what have we done? What has ds been up to?" paranoia.
I think she is being really very mean about your dd1's birthday though Enid. That smacks of spite over and above just not clicking with you as a parent

[Enideepmidwinter]

yes she will have a new teacher next year. Trouble is, this one is widely thought of as being the best in the school

[MARINAtivityPlay]

At dealing with children, in the classroom, always remember. We were told endlessly how lovely this year's model is and yes, the children do seem to like her thank goodness, because the parents are distinctly underenthused. Not because of her teaching, they are all progressing well and enjoying school, but because of her "please don't even greet me outside the school gates" manner...
What does dd1 think of this lovely woman?
Ds is quite adamant that he loves his teacher.

[Enideepmidwinter]

yes she likes her

so I suppose that is the main thing

I also hate the way that she belittles (IMO) dd1's achievements eg I think dd1 has lovely handwriting for her age even though she is not very strong with her reading and numeracy. When I mentioned that to the teacher she said 'oh yes its all about the presentation with dd1 isn't it' - this made me feel very as it made dd1 sound so trivial when she works so bloody hard at it all.

AND the maddening thing is...dd2 is at a nursery attached to a private prep where they bend over backwards to make sure she is happy, they clearly really like her (and me) and I am trying trying trying not to compare them but it is very hard...

[Enideepmidwinter]

yes others have had birthday cakes, that's why I had the idea in the first place.

I will just give dd1 a massive sack of sweets and she can give them out if she wants or scoff the lot.

[Enideepmidwinter]

hopefully she'll be sick all over her teacher

[gomez]

I hope not because my DD's certainly isn't too keen on me!

[Enideepmidwinter]

why do you think it is gomez?

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I try and be helpful etc but I can tell she just doesnt like me. She smiles but not with her eyes [mad paranoid emoticon]

[IOTAnnenbaum]

have to say that I wouldn't take my child out to go to the other's nativity play -- in fact ds2's is next week at 10.30 am and it haven't even crossed my mind to do so.

[Enideepmidwinter]

no I know it was a bit wet

but it was dd2s first one and dd1 had helped her learn the dance etc

and it was from 9am-10am

and everyone else in the class (literally bar one) has taken time out for holidays which we never do.

So [big raspberry emoticon]

[MIstletAOU]

Bloody hell enid. I gasped out loud when I read the comment about dd1's handwriting - and the bit about the cake - why is it one rule for some kids and not for yours? The comment about the handwriting is positively bitchy! Truly awful. Unfortunately as the others have said there really isn't anything you can do (or even should do)that won't potentially make the situation worse, but I would just keep a close eye on the relationship between the teacher and your dd as it would be awful if she was getting the brunt of this teacher's bad humour. Sorry not sure that any of that is at all helpful!

[JonesTheSteamingSanta]

at the comment about your dd's handwriting - surely that should be a positive thing!!!!!

[Enideepmidwinter]

I know

it was horrible it really took me aback

I think dd1 does like her though and she flogs herself silly trying to get the teacher's approval.

[MARINAtivityPlay]

She does sound a so-and-so. Mind you, my MIL is a major league moo and she was a very highly-regarded infants' teacher for many years, Enid
I think the snideness about the handwriting is horrible, truly

[Chandra]

TBH I think that as long as your child is happy with her, everything is fine. Obviously, she behaves like a mad cow towards you, but what can you do about it? if she is the cow she seems to be she will become nastier, or maybe start to take it onto your girl? so, I would try not to expect any kindness form here and wait for a nicer teacher.

[Chandra]

here=her

[monkeytrousers]

I'd be tempted to confront her but I know that's not for everyone...it sounds like she's getting a kick out of having the power over you so just take it away from her. Treat her with the distain that she treats you - nothingf nasty just, well you already know the model from her. And if she says anything just ask her how she likes it.

But if you think she's treating your children differently then I'd definitley take that up with someone.

PS - are you sure you're not her hubby's first love or anything??

[puddle]

That comment did sound horrid Enid. If she says anything like that again I'd be tempted to say ask her what she means exactly.

My ds's teacher sounds similar in that she isn't great on a one to one level with parents but is allegedly a brilliant teacher. DS loves her (they all do.

I can imagine getting short shrift re: the cake idea from ds's teacher too to be honest - it's the sort of thing that just isn't an issue at nursery but school is so different - can imagine the teacher just not wanting the hassle of it. Maybe you could compromise by meeting dd with a big basket of little cakes at the end of the day and letting her give them out to her friends at the classroom door as they go home?

[chipmonksRoastingOnAnOpenFire]

Can't stand teacher who make snide remarks about children and who have one rule for their "favourites" and another for the other children. If other children have had a cake, then your dd should have a cake. I don't think you're being paranoid but then again I never know if I'm being paranoid about these things so maybe I'm not the best person to advise!

[ParrupupumScum]

Appalling to have let other kids have cakes but not let not dd . That is massively unfair. Fine for her to be tough on cakes or not but that should be a one rule issue. Handwriting comment sounds crap too. Not surprised you are secretly yearning for dd1 to be at dd2's school. I think I'd be tempted to ask the teacher for clarification on the birthday thing- can you do it in an"ask her advice" way [puke]? You know, all that "dd1 was so excited about the cake coming in and hasn't stopped talking about the time her mate X had a cake in class and you're worried she'll feel crushed and is there a good time and what does cowface teacher think would be best" etc etc etc? What's the head teacjer of this school like? Would a chat with her/him be possible without putting the teacher's back up further? Btw- I think reinforcing sibling relationships is just fab and think it's lovely that dd1 went to watch dd2's nativity. Sounds like this teacher just doesn't understand the finer things in life to me.

[Enideepmidwinter]

thanks all.

Yes, I would do anything to encourage and develop the strong bond that dd1 and dd2 have. Dd1 really really wanted to go and had encouraged dd2 so much it just seemed bonkers not to let her come.

The reason for no cake is that they are at a play rehearsal so won't have time for much lunch - I can understand it tbh. Have decided to give dd1 a slap up tea in the hour she will be at home and let her take her Tamagotchi to the play rehearsal on her birthday instead, sod the teachers, sorry

I have begun to treat her with a bit of disdain tbh which probably doesn't help.

Trouble is, I have that kind of face - I look arrogant and disdainful when not smiling even though I am not really! When I went for my scan last week the sonographer called me in and said 'sorry we are a bit late, I saw you looking extremely cross and disapproving outside'. I said 'Oh no I wasn't cross, I am very nervous at scans as I had a miscarriage that was diagnosed at scan stage a couple of years ago so I am terribly worried'. She couldn't apologise fast enough

[LadyTophamInAChristmasHatt]

Ohhhh, enid I know exactly how you feel.
DS1's teacher is awful and I have ranted about her all over MN. She never encourages Ds1 and seems to constantly brush his feeling aside.

I recently said to her after yet another incident "I'm not entirely sure what is going on here but you really seem to have a problem with me!"
I then went straight around to reception and complained about her.