Be Honest - anyone else hate school?

[mrsmcv]

My dd is 5, started school in established class in Jan intake. she's ok- ish I think. Gone from being bright confident clever girl to clumsy, unsure and always saying she's no good at things but I'm hoping she'll settle in better next year when there's a bit more formal stuff to do, I think she'll enjoy that more. She doesn't seem to mind it one way or the other really.

The problem is me. I hate school, hate going every morning, can't stand the petty competitiveness of it, want to line the parents' association up against the wall, want to shout at the head and anyone else who'll listen that I think school reports for five year olds are pointless... and so on, and so on.

So the opposite of what I thought it would be like. Love meeting all the other mums, good social life around school, school fab, teacher extraordinary, results good, if you like that sort of thing. But I can't stand the place. What is wrong with me? I totally totally resent it. All the bloody letters, the banging on about dinner money, after school clubs, chuffing special events one after the other, it's driving me mad. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to hand her over but I just can't seem to manage it. I find it totally intrusive!

I am seriously considering home educating her as I think the place is overbearing, over-regulated and outdated. Although it is the best school in our city and even though I could afford to send her to any number of private schools if I wanted to, I just can't stand school.
what do you think? Will I ever settle in?

[LucyLastik]

Agree re the money thing.

DD's school always want money for something - mufti days, school fairs, trips out, photographs, framed pictures, the list is endless.

Have to admit, I've only come across one competitive mum at school and she is a friend of mine. She was desperate to compare SATS results between our two dd's. My DD got a 3C, 2A's and 2B's in her SATS. Friends DD got 2A's. She was then quick to point out (incorrectly) that my DD mustn't be too disappointed with a 3 (she thought 2's were higher). I just smiled at her and shrugged it off. It has really riled me tbh. I've been congratulatory about her DD's results and about her achievements this year, she has been snidey and critical (unjustly btw).

I found the transition to school difficult, but now I just ignore everyone and everything! Suits me. I'm sure you and DD will be fine

[mrsmcv]

getting dd to school with correct letters/cash/ sponsor money/ dinner forms/ uniform/ non-uniform/ tickets for this that and the other/ permission slips etc is more bloody demanding than my job! god knows how anyone has more than one child

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

It is a minefield! I was always glad that my dc got the bus, as I found the school gates stressful! Top tips- speak to different people every day, smile politely and refuse to engage in bitchiness, refuse to be drawn into cliques (but remain friendly!) Mutter to yourself under your breath re money/ letters/ school politics and let it wash over you! it is a big eye-opener- I remember going to the pre-school parents' talk and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of my then 4yo having a timetable! When i calmed down, I could see it was just teaching reading, writing, arithmetic, just all made to sound more complex and highbrow. You will be fine, and as long as your dd is happy, go with it.

[mrsmcv]

oh yes, I hate that checking out who's done what thing, especially the bloody hoo-ha about their reports. I mean, of course they're going to get nice things said about them at five years old, what are these people expecting? And no, I didn't buy my daughter a shiny gift cos she'd 'done well'. I played report issue down because I don't want her living her life around judgements on bits of paper that the teacher has written in a haze of over-workedness (is that a word?) because they are forced to. I trust my dd's teacher, she's fab. she doesn't have to tick 567 boxes to prove owt to me.

I am going to have a nice mug of warm milk and gather myself now

[ragged]

Sounds like you hate the institutional nature of it. Funny enough I like the institutional nature of it and view it as valuable socialisation. Part I don't like is people gossiping and blanking you, but we live in a small town, so kind of inevitable.

It sounds like you chose a school with lots of Yummy Mummies/High KS2 SAT results/Outstanding Ofsted (which only comes with high SAT results, how else did you decide it was the "best" school in the city?), so shouldn't be surprised if the parents are often the way they are. Look around & I bet you'll find others who think it's a load of hooey, too, though.

I don't know if you'll ever settle in.

ps: which city R U n?

[ProfYaffle]

I know what you mean, I hate the institutionalised nature of school too. Luckily I can also see that our school is really, really lovely. They're quite sensible and don't place too much emphasis on SATS (despite being Outstanding) dd1 wasn't even aware she did her KS1 SATS.

It gets better as they get a older and can take responsibility for sorting themselves out, getting into school etc other than that I just try not to dwell on it too much and live for the holidays!

[ragged]

How many children started in January with your DD?

[merrymonsters]

To be honest, you do seem unnecessarily stressed by it all. How long does it take to read some letters? How hard is it to go to a school fair? You've only got one child there, for goodness sake.

What has the parents' association done to you? Raised money for extras the school couldn't otherwise afford? How dreadful!

Most parents want to know how their child is doing at school. They also want after-school clubs and some want school dinners.

I think you need to chill a bit.

[IndigoBell]

Why don't you HE? Might be the right thing for you and DD.

Check out the HE board here on MN......

[Saracen]

"she's ok- ish I think. Gone from being bright confident clever girl to clumsy, unsure and always saying she's no good at things"
Is that OK-ish? Not in my book!

Do you think it is possible that your annoyance with all the trappings of school could reflect the fact that you doubt that school is the right thing for your daughter?

It seems to me that if you were seeing school helping your daughter to blossom into a bright confident clever girl - rather than having the opposite effect on her - you'd find all the details of school life easy to bear.

Why not try home ed? If it isn't right for your daughter and you, you could put her back into school confident that it is definitely the right way forward. Then you would see school as a positive choice and might find it easier to put up with the things you dislike about school.

[cory]

I think the main thing here is to focus on your dd: if she is unhappy you need to do something about it, but otoh you need to make sure you don't project your own past experiences on her.

I have had to struggle with this as I was bullied at school so had a tendency to believe that my children would struggle with other children. In the event, they turned out to be very sociable and none of the things I had anticipated ever happened.

Otoh Saracen could be right, and your feelings are simply an extension of something not quite right that you see in her.

Then again, there is always the possibility of HE not because anyone is unhappy, but because you think it would be a good thing to do. That might be a more positive thing to do.

But you need to make it about your dd and what might be a positive experience for her. It's about her settling in- whether at school or in a HE setting- not about you: you have your life elsewhere, this is hers.

[Riveninside]

Home educate. I did. It was great.

[robingood19]

Yes home education is a good idea for those who are up to it.I went to 7 schools and only liked 2 0f them

[pointythings]

I never got on with the school gate mums either during the 2 years that I worked p/t - I only dropped off in the morning, DD1 went with a C/M in the afternoon due to my hours, and I started DD a term late due to ridiculous half days until they're five rules in our area and no childcare that would pick up midday.

So when I came in, all the cliques had formed and that was that.
These days I'm f/t again (got made redundant and new job was f/t) so the DDs rely on before -and after school care - but I have no trouble managing the letters etc. I need a bit of notice if I have to provide costumes, and cakes are a no-no (wouldn't survive school transport) but it's no big deal.

Better still, there now seem to be more f/t working mums around who are in the same boat, so we orgnise our DCs' lives via FB, we gravitate towards each other when we are at school and really like each other. No competition about levels either!

[Jaalai]

I am seriously considering home schooling my 13 year old daughter, she is suffering from depression and has been bullied not just from other children. I have changed school but she deteriorated. I am a single parent and work 16 hrs a week, is home schooling viable for us? Just want my happy girl back....