Just feel so sad

[kcemum]

I've just had my DDs assessment report that is done before they start reception, I'm sitting here crying as I type as it doesn't make very good reading.

To understand my concerns heres a little background info on her, she was always poorly as a baby- this was preceded by my being very ill during pregnancy, she never put on much weight but this was never investigated, she had several small fits as a todler which she thankfu8lly grew out of,she was alate walker an didn't become mobile till she was 2 (bum shuffler), she suffers from excema, hayfever and other allergies, she was made moderatly deaf due to glue ear for which she had grommetts fitted but still seems to have a hearing deficit. Oh and she also has immaturity of speach due to her previous hearing problems.

Her report reads as follows:
Motor skills....need to improve
Fine motor skills.....improving but still needs lots of support.
Writing...... drawing at a very early stage although can wrte a recognisable name
Mathmatical devopement....seems very good
Phonics.....does not hear the first phonemes of a word yet and the only letter she confidently can recognise is the first l;etter of her name.

I ,feel that she hjas been totally let down by the nusery as this is the first time it has been mentioned to me and am very upset by this, thankyou for listening if you made it this far.

[desperatehousewife]

it sounds like it's you who needs some support here. I can quite understand your frustration and upset over this report. Are the nursery aware of her previous ailments? You need to be really strong and go in there and get some support and make sure she is being given the time and attention from teachers that she needs to help her develop.

I'm no teacher or professional, but I'm sure that it all evens out in the end - she'll catch up and there will be no difference in years to come. Her reports will be great and you'll think what on earth were we worried about.

But you definately need to find out what school can do to help in the short term - and make sure you are supported and your daughter. Is there a heatlh visitor you can talk to?

[desperatehousewife]

it sounds like it's you who needs some support here. I can quite understand your frustration and upset over this report. Are the nursery aware of her previous ailments? You need to be really strong and go in there and get some support and make sure she is being given the time and attention from teachers that she needs to help her develop.

I'm no teacher or professional, but I'm sure that it all evens out in the end - she'll catch up and there will be no difference in years to come. Her reports will be great and you'll think what on earth were we worried about.

But you definately need to find out what school can do to help in the short term - and make sure you are supported and your daughter. Is there a heatlh visitor you can talk to?

[homemama]

Hi kcemum,
Firstly, try to see this as a positive development. If school are aware that she needs this extra support then that's the first step to meeting her needs and helping her reach her potential.
Secondly, it sounds like her maths is on track and her lack of phonic understanding is almost certainly in part due to her hearing problems.

Don't beat yourself up over what you consider to be a 'lost year' at nursery. See this as a fresh start where your daughter will get the help she needs to develop at her own speed.

I'm sure she'll be fine.

[kcemum]

The nursery are very aware of her medical history and have been right from the beginning, She is getting extra assistance from the staff but I'm not sure if the senco is involved, i will find out when I pick her up, In the teachers defence she did give me lots of tips to help her to do at home but we do most of these anyway.

I knew that she had problems in these areas , but didn't realise how bad.

[Monstersmum]

Hi there

How old is your DD? My DS was 4 at the beg of August and doesn't have any of the health issues that your little one has had. He has just done a year of nursery and although has come on a lot in that year, some of the comments re your DD would apply to my DS! His motor skill are fine and mostly also fine motor skills. However his drawing is still very basic and can't yet write a recognisable name - can't even manage the first letter! He recognises a lot of letters - but is not alway consistent.

I have just been on the phone to my MIL who taught Reception for years till she retired a few years ago. She reminded me that they are all different. Some 3.5 year olds are drawing well, almost writing etc. Some 4.5 year olds are not. BUT in her experience most catch up by around age 5 to the same level.

Please don't be upset by this "report" - look on it as an opportunity to identify and work on your DD's weak areas - and we all have those!

I ws stressing a bit about my DS's reading - he is just not that interested. But my MIL pointed out that he is bright - just not that good at concentrating - so we will work on the concentration skills for a while - jigsaws, board games and card games helps there.

With your DD's health issues as well, have you thought about trying that EyeQ supplement? It's available in Boots - be warned the liquid is foul but I did notice an ad in a mag a few days ago for another brand with some chewy versions of the same supplement - its all fish oils so may also help her skin.

Sorry to have waffled on!

[kcemum]

Homemama, thankyou for your kind words, I know that she'll get there in the end!

[kcemum]

Monstermum, she's 4.9

[Monstersmum]

Hi kcemum

She'll probably be fine. If the nursery thought there were larger issues they would have pointed it out before. The fact that this has just ome up in a standard report probably means that they don't feel that the problems are insurmountable.

She just needs a bit more help to get there. But she will get there.

Why do you feel she was let down by the nursery? DS has just done a year of nursery and althouhg he has come on a lot in that year, I didn't really expect any academic progress TBH. Thys just learn through play. It's more for socialisation etc in my view.

Try not to get down-hearted about it.

[coppertop]

I agree with the others that in a way it's actually a good thing that you have this report. It means that the school will now know the areas where your dd needs some extra support. The SENCO should be able to give you some idea of what help your dd will get.

FWIW my ds1 had poor fine motor skills when he started school. He literally couldn't even hold a pencil, never mind draw or write anything. He has now just started in Yr1 and has done a lot of catching up. He loves to draw and his writing ability is now about average for his age. The improvement was mainly due to the extra help he received in Reception.

[kcemum]

Hi Monstermum,

Well I feel better aboutit now that I've got things in proportion, although I know what she can and can't do, it's just a shock to see it written down an confirmed.

Perhaps I feel guilty which is why I think that the nursery has let her down which I know isn't really true but it's how I feel,and this is the first time they have mentioned this to me. Perhaps I don't do enough with her at home which again isn't true- I even gave up my previous job to spend more time with my children.

Just feeling a little confused at the mo. but I know she will improve and I'm rambling!

[kate100]

kcemum, please try not to worry, I'm an early years teacher and this seems fine to me. The nursery have identified her needs and will have passed those on to her teacher so they will be abe to help her in a appropriate way. Was she in a nursery attatched to the school she's starting reception in? If so there will be lots of communication between the 2 and they will all know what's going on. It sounds as if a lot of her problems are down to her hearing difficulties and if these are now sorted she will catch up. If she is able in maths it isn't likely that it's a developmental problem. I'm guessing that she's also quite small which would account for her motor skills, she may not have the strength to do some things, but that will come in time. Try and focus on the positives, she's able in maths and is improving her fine motor skills, which is great. Personally, I think that apart from her phonics skills the report is also a bit woolly, I'd like to know what fine motor skills they are looking at, for example, are they talking about pencil control, scissors or painting? They are all very different and she may be better at some than others. Also, really don't worry about the writing, lots of children can't write their name or draw anything recognisable, I've seen some very odd pictures of mummys and daddys over the years

Remember some children won't have been to nursery and learned all the things that she has so she will be ahead of them and lost of chidren aren't lucky enough to have a mum like you who cares so much and wants the best for her. SHe will catch up, even if she's the youngest in her year, by the end of year 2 it's pretty much a level playing field. Hope that helps and please don't worry.

[kcemum]

thanks kate, that was a very reassuring message, the fine motor skills highlighted were painting, scissors and threading.

As for her size she's a little 4 year old in a big 6 year old body[GRIN]