Why is everyone following me????

[skinnycow]

Last year I sent my dd to an out of catchment senior school and even though some of the mummies at school were disgruntled by my snub of the local school, another mummy soon got her ds in too, whom I used to take to school for her (until I realised it couldnt work so I ended the one sided arrangement). Now I understand another mum is about to send her ds to the same school. Another friend from the old primary school has recently started her dd in year 7 but has tried and tried to get me to agree to take/collect her dd for her - I have resisted but feel it is a matter of time before an "emergency" pick up crops up which could start a larger ball rolling. Then on top of that from this year I sent my ds to the local feeder school for the out of catchment senior school and now another friend is planning on getting her dd in and a mum I just say "hi" to rang me at 10pm last night to ask if she could come round this morning to ask advice as she has just had a letter confirming a place at the junior school for her ds. All of these people still have kids at our old primary school and so Im starting to feel paranoid that I will be requested to be the taxi for them all as they dont actually know each other. But my biggest worry is that the mum who rang me last night doesnt speak very good English. She has a child in nursery and a child in reception at the old school as well as daniel in year 4. There is no way she can pick up from 2 primary schools at 3.15 but I dont think she has a place for the other 2 children. I just know she is going to ask me to deliver Daniel which I just dont want to do not even for a short time. I (selfishly) like to travel to school with just my children and we chat and stuff and then I like to bring just my children home at te end of the day (unless they have a friend to play obviously). Sorry about early morning rant.!

[Freckle]

Could you not arrange (or invent!) after school activities for just you and your children which would prevent the taxiing of other children?

How about an elderly parent whom you have to visit every afternoon? Not suitable for other children to come too as it would be too much for him/her.

I know how you feel though. I don't mind doing the occasional run for friends, but really resent being asked by people who rarely have time for me and I certainly wouldn't want to get involved in a permanent arrangement. If this woman has problems, she should sort out a childminder.

Perhaps that's what you could do. Get details of childminders to hand to her when you very graciously decline her kind offer for you to ferry her child to and from school .

[skinnycow]

• honestly the situations I get myself into are amazing!

[goldenoldie]

Just say NO!

I had a similar situation with a neighbour who snubbed me for years for sending my DS to an out of area school when she sent hers to the local school.

Low and belhold, three years later her DS turns up at the same school as my DS and she was straight on the phone to me, very friendly now, suggesting my nanny did all the pick-ups of her DS as well as mine.

To top it all, she had it all worked out that her DS would come to our house, every afternoon, after school, till they collected him at 6ish!

I made up a series of after school events/family visits that my DS had to attend which made her scheme unworkable.

She has gone back to snubbing me now!

Good luck

[ghosty]

skinnycow ...
Why don't you try what I have said in the past ... and it does work without making you seem nasty.
"I don't mind helping you out now and again, but I need you to know that I can't commit to any regular car pools ... I can't always be very reliable, you see, and would hate to let you down. I get very stressed at the thought of letting people down so I am much better off doing my own thing"
They tend to feel sorry for you if you say that

Um, have any of them asked you yet? Why do you think they will? Maybe they are moving their kids to that school because, like you, they think it is a good school? Rather than moving their kids 'cos they want you to do the driving?
Just a thought.

[LadyGuinevereofCAMelot]

goldenoldie

skinny, you do just have to refuse at the time, if you enter into an arrangement its much harder to get out of later (as I know to my cost)

[skinnycow]

ghosty yes i think they are going just for the schools not because Im so good at driving.

However, i think the fact that I am there already would make it easier for them to move their kids knowing they have a back up option (or worse)

I did try your idea with the previous lad I think ghosty and it did work. I just feel really uncomfortable not being helpful - sad as that sounds!

yesterday for instance, I spent nearly 2 hours sitting with my friend whilst she practiced her driving and then a further 2.5 hours helping another friend organise putting her house on the market following her relationship split, and helping her organise her creditors none of which I have experience of. Plus then taking her to the local Homebase so she could get stuff to fix those crappy little jobs before 4 agents come round today to give her a valuation. Then went out again last night with Lizzie so she can practice driving int he dark then ended up collecting her ds from seeing a local football match at nearly 10pm!

I just attract them i think

[ghosty]

Oh skinnycow ... you have to stop being so helpful ... it is wonderful you are so nice and willing to do stuff for everyone but you will end up running out of time for yourself and your family and believe me, they won't thank you for it!
My friend's dad was a bishop and a wonderful person who helped everyone who came his way ... and never had time for his own children. With the result that they were pretty screwed up tbh ...
I am not saying that you will screw up your kids but you must be shattered doing all of this for everyone else ... and people will end up taking advantage of you. Just learn to say no

[skinnycow]

ooh update: the mummy from school came round this morning and was asking about hte new school - she hasnt even been to see it yet! . I did tell her all the points that I have experienced. She said she wasnt sure how she would get all her children at the same time so I very helpfully rang the LEA to ask if they had places for her 2 little ones too! which they confirmed they do have Problem solved!

[Freckle]

How cunning! Always useful to have something else to offer if you can't/don't want to help out.

[skinnycow]

oh forgot to say, when she came in first of all she said she brought me a pressie! 2 Royal Doulton mugs!!!!! eeekkkk. Was wondering how best to let her down then!