Second week in reception and DD distraught.

[sandyballs]

My twin DDs (4.5) started school last week and it all seemed to go very well, both very excited and
and went running in every morning. One of them seemed a little tired and subdued afterwards for a while but otherwise OK.

This morning she got out of bed and started crying saying she didn't want to go to school but I couldn't get her to say much more, she wouldn't tell me why. I jollied her along and she reclutantly went but cried as her dad left her.
I'm at work and my MIL has just rung to say she is at home now and sobbing in her bedroom. She was crying when they picked her up (the teacher said she was quiet but OK during the morning), but now she is very tearful and says she really doesn't like school and doesn't want to go back. My in-laws are trying to get her to open up a bit more about it.

How should I deal with this? She obviously has to go, there's no alternative. Has anyone else experienced this. She always loved nursery, had no problems at all with leaving her there, in fact it was the other twin who clung to me but she is fine at school. They are in different classes which I thought maybe she didn't like but she says it isn't that and she doesn't miss her sister.

I feel terrible sitting her at work knowing she is at home so upset. Just want to get the train home and comfort her

[sandyballs]

Has everyone else's little ones settled in well then?

[Gobbledigook]

Sandyballs - ds1 started on 7th Sept and he's been fine but I know a couple of boys who are crying in the morning saying they don't want to go. For them I think the playground is the scarey part but they find the structure of the classroom OK.

If I were you I'd give it this week to see how she goes and then if she is still this upset on Friday I'd have a talk to the teacher (and a gentle word with dd if you can) to see if there is anything specific that is bothering her.

It must be awful for you but I'm sure she'll settle - it's still early days and I can imagine the 2nd and 3rd weeks are probably harder than the 1st once they realise 'this is it'.

[spykid]

So sorry to hear this.

Try not to get yourself in a tissy, as I am sure she will be fine

I used to be a reception teacher and my advice would be to take comfort from the fact that she is ok once she is in class.

It is amazing how tired little ones get when first starting school. They are expected to sit and listen and concentrate a lot more than at nursery. This could be a reason for her tears.

I would make a point of having a word with her teacher and I am sure she/he will be supportive and ease your worries.

Without a doubt keep her going every day, I am sure this stage will pass.

HTH

[foxinsocks]

aww poor you

I really think children, when they start school, either howl from the beginning and then calm down or manage 1 or 2 weeks and then crumble! My dd fell into the same camp as your dd. She was fine for a few weeks and then burst into tears - I think it was a combination of tiredness, coming down with a cold and the dawning reality that this was school and she had to go every day! Perhaps something has happened at playtime or in the classroom (probably something small) and it's put her off a bit or perhaps she's coming down with a cold and is just a bit weepy.

[sandyballs]

Thanks for answering guys. I'm sure you're right when you say it will pass and improve. It's just hard to see her so upset about it, she was so keen to start last week. She has got a cold and a cough so that probably doesn't help her mood and her ability to cope with it all. The weekend was probably a little bit too hectic for her as well after a week at school. Will make sure we take it easy this week with lots of early nights.

[spacecadet]

my ds started reception this sep and has been fine, however i started a thread about my 11 year old not settling in so kind of understand!
is she full time? if so is it possible she is just tired? my ds is still half days but still comes home exhausted. i would suggest that you go and have a word with her teacher and relay your concerns, the teacher may well be able to shed some light on it, or keep an eye on her, actually, she doesnt legally have to go to school untill the term she turns five so if it came to it(which im sure it wont) you could keep her at home, if tiredness is an issue, could she go half days if shes full time?

[sandyballs]

She isn't full time yet sc, just 8.50 to 11.30 which is less hours than the nursery she used to go to. She does seem very very tired (so does her sister), which I find surprising since they were used to spending all morning at nursery.
It must be very different. Next week they stay for lunch (until 1.30) and then they go full time.

[gigglinggoblin]

it is very different. ds had outgrown afternoon naps til he started school, then he frequently fell asleep in the car on the way home (and he was at full time nursery so hours werent much different).

might be an obvious thing to say but have you tried asking her sister if she knows what the problem is?

some kids also get confused that they are still going to school after a few weeks. they seem to think that once they have been to school once or twice thats it. the fact that they are there for 12 years min can come as something of a shock!

[Maddison]

My SIL, whose dd was in reception last year, had these kinds of probs with her dd, someone suggested changing her bedtime, which she did and she says the difference was amazing.

HTH X

[sandyballs]

Thanks Hausfrau - I hadn't seen that. Will try out some of those tips.

[sandyballs]

Just 'phoned home again and FIL has had a little chat with DD. Apparently there is a big sunshine and a big cloud on the classroom wall. All the children's names are on the sunshine at the start of the day and if anyone misbehaves their names are moved to the cloud. DD is getting herself in a state because she says she is worried about being put on the cloud . All seems a bit much to me, second week into reception. Do they really need that at this stage?

[aloha]

Oh I hate all those sort of things. There was a thread on MN last year with a little boy being put on a 'sad sun' and being terribly upset.
You could talk to the teacher about it and tell your dd that you won't tell her off and she can be on a special sun at home.

[foxinsocks]

oh how dreadful - I think that's way too harsh for reception, especially the first term

[marthamoo]

Oh I hate that kind of thing too - they're only babies, for goodness' sake. I would have a chat to the teacher and say how much this is worrying your dd.

[motherinferior]

Oh, poor little love.

DD1 is really quite enthusiastic about school now but peeling her off me weeping for 10 days was awful.

[spacecadet]

sandyballs, that sounds a bit harsh, its easy to forget that they are only little tots, def go in and see your dd's reception teacher, also, i think it could also be tiredness, maybe as someone else suggested, an even earlier bedtime?

[sandyballs]

3rd week at school and she still hates it. Lots of tears every morning, verging on hysterical.
She seems to be stressing about everything - she isn't the most organised of kids and she worries about wear to hang her coat, wear to put her book bag, wear to put her drink etc etc. I've stayed and helped her and told her it doesn't matter if she doesn't get it right immediately but she still stresses. Her twin is the opposite, positively thrives on being organised and having a "place for everything" which only highlights her sisters distress .

She hasn't mentioned the sun and cloud thing lately. I did mention it to her teacher and she said it was to "discourage" bad behaviour and wasn't used ad lib. Still hate the idea though.

Oh dear, I thought starting school would be easier than this.