WOTH mums, did you thin life would be easier once they went to school?

[crunchie]

OK probably a bad idea to start this thread, but at the moment I have a severe case of 'Mummy guilt'

I seriously thought once they were in school life would be easier and I wouldn't feel bad about working (No choice I am the main breadwinner and yes dh CAN and DOES do SAHD stuff). BUT I feel worse somehow. DD1 is just in y2 and she doesn't like school, her new teacher etc She cries most mornings and says how much she hates it, she is not a good confident reader lie all her friends, and I feel part of this is my fault. We don't get much tme to do homework, and she refuses usually. I hate making her as she is miserable about school already, and I don't want her to HAVE to do stuff all the time.

I sometimes get to take her to school, but have onlt ever piced her up once in 2 years She always asks if I can.

I know I can't do much more, I know that in my head, but my heart sinks about it all.

Anyone else????

[foxinsocks]

aww crunchie - if it makes you feel any better, dd and ds ALWAYS ask for their dad to take them and pick them up from school (instead of me) and he can't because of his work. I think it's the idea that it's a novelty rather than the norm that attracts them.

Have you had a word with her teacher? Is her homework set at at unrealistic level? I'm not working at the mo but I really don't think you should blame yourself for the fact that she hates school.

[crunchie]

I don't blame myself for her hating school. I blame a tough new teacher, a sensitive child, and lack of time to support her at home. It is such an issue for me, as a mum you want to protect your child but you also HAVE to mae them do stuff they don't want to or that maes them unhappy

[Littlefish]

Hi Crunchie, sorry that you're feeling like this. I hope you don't mind, but I'm replying to you partly as a parent and partly as a teacher.

If you can't ever get to school to pick your dd up, would you be able to book a day or half-day's holiday and go in and help at school? It doesn't need to be a school trip or anything exciting. The children in my class absolutely love it when their parents are able to come in and help, even if it's on a very infrequent basis.

If she's your only dd, perhaps you could then take her out for a treat after school and have a real "girls afternoon". You could make this a yearly event and spend lots of time with your dd planning what you're going to do.

I would definitely speak to the class teacher about your concerns about her self-esteem and reading. If you don't get a chance to hear her read during the week, could your DH read with her instead and then you could have some reading time with her at the weekends. If she's refusing to read, could you ask her teacher to suggest some reading games and activities which would take the pressure off having to read the set book for a while. Once her confidence and enjoyment levels have returned due to the pressure being off, you may find that she is more willing to read again. The main thing is not to let it become a battle because that will just upset your dd, and stress and upset you!

Being a working mum is incredibly stressful. I've just gone back to teaching after 10 months maternity leave and feel guilty every time I leave my daughter, even though I know she is well cared for by the childminder. You have no choice about working, any more than I do, so you need to start thinking about ways to make the situation work better for everybody.

Please remember that it's still very early in the new school year. New teachers are often tougher in the first few weeks (I know that I can be!) and your daughter will be getting used to lots of new classroom systems and expectations.

I hope things improve for you all really soon.

[motherinferior]

Hi honey (been wondering how you were!); DD1 started school this month and I'm beginning to know what you mean. (I am still quite racked with guilt that I'm at my desk not very far from her, but she's at after school club.) I think these suggestions are great. Please don't feel so bad.

[crunchie]

Thans for the support guys.

Littlefish I appreciate your ideas, I am getting to know the teacher, I have popped in a couple of times and she knows I am supportive. I suggested a class visit to synagogue (we are the only jewish family in the village) and I am going along.

In fact today she seemed to have had a better day, it ws the first time she wasn't told off!! Except that daft bint mother put mixed fruit and nuts in her lunch bag today!!

I know it is mothers guilt, and dh is supportive and does do reading etc, but I hate being pulled in every which way.

[hatstand]

aw Crunchie - it's very tough. what kind of homework does she get? is tehre any chance of turning it into some sort of game? (cliche, I know) if it's spelling how about buying some bath crayons and doing it in the bath? Or maybe buy a small whiteboard - the novelty value of writing it on something she can wipe clean might keep her more interested? Or maybe some lovely non-school stationery - her own special book for writing in? She probably refuses coz she would rather play with you than do "homework". Scrabble??

[Littlefish]

Glad your dd had a better day. Perhaps tomorrow will be even better than today and then you can all enjoy your weekend without worrying about Monday.

[Littlefish]

Forgot to say that it sounds like you are doing everything right to me! The visit to the synagogue sounds really interesting and I know that the teacher will really value your input, and your dd will just love having you there. It will also make your dd feel really special as they will hopefully encourage her to take a major role in helping the other children to understand more about the Jewish faith.

[crunchie]

Half the problem with the homework is simply finding the time!! I have 2 kids, aged 6 and 4 so it is hard to do one-on-one stuff

When I get home with them it is at least 6.15 and arsenic hour IYKWIM They get fed at the childminder, but they want to tell me all about things and I find it hard to give one to one attention. They want to watch TV and chill and even if homework is a game it is difficult.

Hopefully it will be easier once dd2 starts school, and they will both have homework as we can all do it together.

[Littlefish]

Could they do their homework with the childminder? Or perhaps she could do the reading and then you could just do any extra bits. I don't know whether this is the sort of thing that you can ask a childminder to do, and I suppose it also depends on how many other children she's looking after.

[crunchie]

Fraid not - too many kids She usually has at least 5. and they all play great games and do crafts and stuff. I really need to be disiplined and do it every day, as soon as we get in.

[Whizzz]

No - I knew it would be even more of a juggle ! DS has now been going to school for a grand total of 3 weeks. Already I have missed a PTA meeting (held on Monday morning) & we have had a letter about another meeting on a Tuesday morning. The meeting for Reception class parents to discuss how the children are settling in is also on a Monday morning!

[annh]

Crunchie, you could be me! In fact, I just started a thread about possibly giving up work now that my 2 ds's are at school. I also thought it would be easier and now realise it's a whole lot more difficult - they need me more, not less! I have twice the number of school assemblies, book week parades etc to attend, there is more homework, more time needs to be dedicated to finding out what they are up to, supporting their topics at school, the need for parent helpers at school seems to increase, not decrease as they get older - it goes on. My life is somewhat easier than yours as I can drop my boys off in the morning and only work four days a week so can pick them up on Fri but the whole thing just seems to be an eternal struggle to be sufficiently involved in both work and home life. Today I am at home supposed to be cleaning (must get off here!), have a million things to do and have somehow agreed to go into ds1's Yr 3 class to hear readers this afternoon. On the one hand delighted because he is so pleased I am going and I like to have an insight into what they are doing, on the other hand, thinking what the hell am I doing and when am I going to even things up by also going into ds2's reception class!

Sorry pointless ramble but wanted to sympathise with your situation. My thread (can't do a link) is under Going back to Work, starting "Now that both ds are at school ...."

[puddle]

Crunchie huge sympathy from me too. I thought it would be easier too and had a real shock last year when ds started reception.

I am the main breadwinner but work from home two days a week do that I can do drop off and pick up - and catch up the work in the evenings when the kids are in bed. I am also lucky in that my dp is at home two days a week.

One thing I have done with ds is read with him before school in bed in the mornings. He's fresher and more alert than after school. Of course it won't work if your mornings are one big rush to get out of the house but might be worth getting up 20 mins earlier?

I think whatever you do your children will find ways to make you feel bad. ds is dropped by a childminder two mornings a week and he often says he wants her to do it on the days when I am at home!