What do you do about your kids 'friends' who aren't so nice?

[unicorn]

Ok cards on the table, I have big issues with some of the girls in my dd's yr 2 class.. and 1 girl in particular.

Now I know dd is no angel, and I am not the type of mum to extol her virtues etc, but, I want to try and protect her from one of the girls (particularly) in her class who (IMHO) seems to have latched on to dd.

Do you think it is possible, or even advisable to try and 'protect'children from different characters?

For info this girl is very cocky/disrespectful, and told my dd a pop song was 'cool' because it had the word sh*t in it!
(dd today asked me what shit meant - and realised it wasn't good!)

Am I just being neurotic, or should I do something?

[kid]

I thought the same when DD was in reception. There was a girl I prefered her not to play with but realised I couldn't stop her. I let them get on with it and now she is in Year 2, she doesn't play with her anymore.

DD came home from school tonight saying people were spelling s e x. I asked her what it was so she said 'sex'. I asked her what that meant and she shrugged her shoulders and walked away!

I will be mentioning it to her teacher tomorrow but won't make fuss about it. They change their minds on friends everyday of the week.

[unicorn]

hmmmmm, but this particular girl seems to have honed in on dd (and other malleable type kids).. dd is quite young and vulnerable (in comparison to many in her class)

I just have bad vibes about this girl, and don't feel dd is strong enough - or emotionally secure enough to stand up to her.

To me (and this is awful to say) this girl is classic bully material.
(she is nearly 7, dd, is just over 6)

[brightstar1]

this is a difficult one! have had similar probs with Ds's, best not to choose their friends for them as i think you tend to push them towards the person you're trying to avoid.i have had a word with the teacher before,told her my concerns and hope that she tries to keep them apart!maybe tell your ds that if she is annoying her,to tell the teacher aswell.

[spidermama]

However painful, you can't interfere. If you do, your dd will be denied the oportunity of making her own mistakes or creating her own material. There's a reason this girl is in her life, it's just that you don't yet know what it is.

[brightstar1]

oh and if you think she is being bullied, nip it in the bud early! don't give up.

[unicorn]

hmmmm... maybe, but it seems that she is on this 'friendship' table with her..I don't know if that is choice, or placement.

I need to know more.

Can you not protect your kids from people you believe could be dangerous (strong word I know) for them?

[Skate]

Hmm a tough one - perhaps rather than trying to discourage this friendship, focus on really encouraging other ones by having her other friends over for tea or to play so that she grows closer to those and further away from the other one?

[brightstar1]

agree with skate.

[unicorn]

It's not so much the friendship I'm concerned with here (as dd doesn't seem to want her to come and play)..
just the fact that she has the potential to be a disruptive element on dd- get her in trouble etc- whilst at school, in lessons etc.

I would prefer if she was sat with someone else.

[Skate]

Would be feasible to rely that concern to her teacher then??

Eek, ds1 only started today - i'm dreading all these issues I keep reading about on here! I fear I will be asking questions on this site for many a year to come!!!

[Skate]

relay even!

[brightstar1]

has she had a prob with this girl before, or were they not in the same class?

[unicorn]

They have been in the same class since reception, and this girl has just got progressively more unpleasant

It's me really that has the problem, more than dd, as this child seems to delight in being 'cocky/brazen', and I can just see dd being a bit awe struck by the danger/naughtyiness factor.

It is so tricky though isn't it, as there will always be people around our kids that don't fit with our likes etc.

I guess I am just proactively worrying!!!

[ghosty]

If it were me I would definitely go and ask the teacher to sit my child with someone else. I used to be a teacher and any teacher worth their salt would realise when the chemistry between two children isn't good. I never had a problem with parents coming to see me if they had any concerns.
My mother didn't like a little girl I was friends with when I was 5... well, it wasn't that she didn't like her as such, but she didn't like how I was after I had spent time with her. She talked to the teacher and also politely declined any playdates that the child's mother tried to arrange. It didn't bother me at the time as my mum encouraged me to play with other children and it doesn't bother me now as I think the way she handled it (no bother, no fuss .. just took firm action) was good and what she felt was right at the time.

[unicorn]

guess what? this lovely girl has been chosen (by her classmates) as school council rep!!

It seems everyone in the class loves her because she is 'so cool'...ie she swears, knows all the words to Gwen Stefani (sp?) songs, and is er streetwise.

I shall just have to keep an eye on this one.

[bosscat]

I really don't think there is anything you can do tbh. its just life. they have to meet the undesirables so they will grow. if they just met 'nice' people you wouldn't learn or develop. I would feel protective too but unless the other child was actually physically or mentally hurting my child I would just keep an eye on the situation and try and instill my own values and make sure my child knew the difference and what was acceptable etc.