I need to have a moan before I explode

(12 Posts)
ProfessorPickles Mon 21-Sep-15 11:18:29

Feeling really fed up at the minute with food and I'm getting really frustrated and down about it.
I've had Selective Eating Disorder since I was 2 years old and ate the same three meals almost every day for at least 10 years. Most people don't seem to have a clue which makes it worse at times like this, it's basically a massive food phobia of most things. It's improved massively since seeing a specialist last year but I go through cycles where I'm happy eating the same few meals over and over. Then others like now where I can't stand to eat any of my meals and I live off chocolate and crap just to take a break from it which makes me feel really sick and unwell.
People with SED tend to favour plain tasteless foods which tends to be carbs so losing weight is almost impossible, especially with the binges that happen when I get sick of it. I feel unhappy after most meals for various reasons.
I don't know if I sound like a crazy person but yesterday I was preparing food I didn't want and I got really mad and let out a big scream. Maybe I'm losing my mind blush but that's how bad it gets me at times, I'm such a calm laid back person normally.

I just wish I could be a normal eater, I'm so envious of people with regular eating habits.
I think I'll get there one day but I just wish I could eat a meal without feeling the guilt afterwards.

Thank you for reading if you've lasted this long grin

Thefitfatty Mon 21-Sep-15 11:24:18

I've no experience with SED, but I understand the need to scream and wish you could be a normal eater. flowers

KittyandTeal Mon 21-Sep-15 11:30:57

I have no experience. My ED have been the 'typical' ones that people have heard of.

I totally understand the desperate want to just et normally.

Are you able to take vitamin supplements while you are taking a break from 'proper' food? If so maybe get down to Holland and Barrett and get as much as you can, that might make you feel a bit more physically well during these times.

Sorry I have no useful advise. Lots of sympathy for you though.

ProfessorPickles Mon 21-Sep-15 11:37:38

Thank you fitfatty (I like that name), it's just nice to be able to talk about it all even with MNers, I don't like to talk about it much in RL because I feel a bit ashamed and struggle to word it properly sometimes.

Kitty, thank you for your response too. Sorry to hear about your eating disorders, it would be great if we could just make them go away with a tablet or something wouldn't it.
Great idea about the vitamins it never crossed my mind, I had some in the cupboard so I've just taken one. I feel so sluggish and I don't know if it's because of what I'm eating or purely my mood cause I'm in a slump, probably a bit of both!

Hopefully this will pass soon and I'll get back to feeling okay about it

Thefitfatty Mon 21-Sep-15 11:43:37

Can you go out and get some exercise? Might offset some of the bad eating and give your mood a boost? Nothing strenuous, just a walk?

I understand not wanting to talk about it in real life. People don't get it, or make light of it, as long as you don't look like your thin enough to keel over. And if you aren't skinny, forget about support.

ProfessorPickles Mon 21-Sep-15 11:53:38

Definitely! Because of the high carbs I'm overweight, not fat but could do with losing a stone. I'm slim compared to a lot of people with SED.
I normally keep quiet about my eating problems anyway but if I need to explain myself for some reason I hate it, I told someone I had an eating disorder and he said "but you're not skinny", how ignorant can you be! He's a nice man but comes out with stupid things sometimes.

I think a walk might do me good if the rain stops, it's hammering it down at the minute though! But I'd love some fresh air later if I get chance smile

Thefitfatty Mon 21-Sep-15 11:56:02

When I was really starting to struggle with anorexia, people actually used to joke around that I was the girl that went to University and didn't gain a stone, but lost a stone, and then they would say but that's because I'm anorexic. It was like, yes, I am, is this something to joke about?

ProfessorPickles Mon 21-Sep-15 11:59:33

People don't have a clue what they're saying sometimes do they, I don't think they realise what goes on in the mind of someone with an eating disorder and how serious it is.
I don't have experience of other illnesses but I wouldn't joke about them, mental health issues in general seem to get a lot of stick and a lack of sensitivity I find.

Thefitfatty Mon 21-Sep-15 12:04:42

Yes they do! So moan and scream away if if makes you feel better. smile

ProfessorPickles Mon 21-Sep-15 12:16:36

I most definitely will smile
This thread has cheered me up a bit already!

antimatter Mon 21-Sep-15 12:21:07

If yiu feel sluggish you may have anemia. Have you had your blood tested lately?

strongandlong Mon 21-Sep-15 12:23:18

Probably nothing new for you, OP, since you're getting professional help, but I found these posts (from a nutritionist who works with people with eating disorders) really interesting and illuminating. The methods she uses sound very gentle and humane.

1. How can I lose weight if I can’t eat healthy foods?
2. How can I eat healthy foods if I’m a picky eater?
3. Offering yourself new foods

I'm sorry you're going through this - it sounds really tough. Be kind to yourself. You don't have anything to be ashamed of flowers

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