When did you take your wedding ring off?

(49 Posts)
Noregrets78 Thu 16-May-13 11:45:40

I'm waiting for a date for decree nisi. After 4 months of battles he finally moved out 2 nights ago. I dont feel like I've escaped yet - I'm still constantly jumping at loud noises, terrified he'll just decide to move back in. I forget that I can change anything I like in the house now, without asing his permission, he doesn't live here any more.

Didn't think my wedding ring would come off as it's sat there for 10 years. Tried it today at work and it did! I feel really emotional now.

I'm torn - I love the idea of moving on with life, and this feels like a small step towards that. I'm worried that he'll see and have a go, or worse that DD (8) will see and start asking questions. I'm not sure if I'm a bit premature given he's only just moved out and we're not actually divorced yet.

What did you do?

Sunnywithshowers Thu 16-May-13 12:04:49

He and I had a row and I threw it at him - it bounced off our balcony and I never saw it again.

Sorry, that's not at all helpful. I think you should take it off when you feel you are ready, and ignore his possible response.

Be kind to yourself x

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 16-May-13 12:59:16

The day at relate that he could end his 'friendship' with OW. He wore his for another 6 months whilst shagging OW.

After 2 weeks. I knew I was completely done. Then he made me feel guilty about it, so I put it back on the other hand. It then got stuck, so I had to go to A&E, who had run out of the metal cutting blades, so I was sent down to the fire station where it was cut off. Then I weighed it in.

Noregrets78 Thu 16-May-13 13:41:03

Oh god I love it thank you all. Was just holding it and wondering how much it weighs...

I got 80 for mine.

CremeEggThief Thu 16-May-13 15:24:02

A few hours after he told me he was leaving me for another woman.

Sold it with some other unwanted silver jewellery about 6 weeks later.

Noregrets78 Thu 16-May-13 15:35:25

Wish I was as strong as all of you. He finally moved out on Tuesday, having been removed by the police on Monday night. And yet I get upset taking off my wedding ring. I know it will get easier eventually :-(

Noregrets78 Thu 16-May-13 15:35:26

Wish I was as strong as all of you. He finally moved out on Tuesday, having been removed by the police on Monday night. And yet I get upset taking off my wedding ring. I know it will get easier eventually :-(

MumOfTheMoos Thu 16-May-13 16:43:33

You can keep it in as long as you like. You will know when the right time to take it off is.

I took mine off pretty quickly once he'd moved out (this is exh not current dhsmile).

I put mine somewhere safe, list it for years and it only turned up a few months ago but I'm going to sell it with some other gmd jewellry and buy myself a nice vintage broach.

I kept his for long time (he left it behind) as I didn't feel it was mine to sell but did just after I remarried - it had been 9 years since he'd gone so I figured he didn't care.

DotCottonsHairnet Fri 17-May-13 08:49:51

I took mine off about 6 weeks after he moved out. Is with other bits of jewellery he bought me over the years in a box. Once we are divorced I plan to sell the lot and treat myself to something lovely.

Taking the ring off was ok emotionally but the mark it left behind is taking a long time to fade - guess it took over 20 years to get like that so it will take more than 6 months to fade.

fragglemama Fri 17-May-13 08:57:42

I took mine off the day I made him move out.

MirandaWest Fri 17-May-13 09:10:13

Can't remember when I took mine off - think I kept it on for about a year after we separated. Took it off before I started dating again and sold it for about £80 a couple of months ago. Was more than I paid for it which was nice grin

Sidge Fri 17-May-13 09:15:09

I took mine off the day I threw him out last year. It's still in my jewellery box with my engagement and eternity rings. I'm thinking about weighing them in.

It still feels weird not wearing a wedding ring - my finger feels 'empty'.

Today would have been my 16th wedding anniversary!

DotCottonsHairnet Fri 17-May-13 09:28:37

Oh Sidge - not looking forward to my first one of those sad

Spurred on by this thread - just been and sorted my jewellery box out - rather more in there than I thought - its just when I decide to part with it all - perhaps in stages?

MirandaWest Fri 17-May-13 10:33:20

Still need to do something with my engagement ring. Sold the wedding ring through a sell your gold online place but not sure what to do with the other one.

I found first wedding anniversary painful, second not so bad and the one this year will be OK I think.

Noregrets78 Fri 17-May-13 11:15:53

DotCottonsHairnet Is that all jewelry from him? If I were you I'd sell it in one go so you can afford something really lovely - a break somewhere? if you sell it in bits you might not really notice the bits of money coming in, and you would just spend it on 'stuff'. I'd use this of a way of making a memory. x

Oo get me with the advice when i'm so useless at sorting my own life out lols.

DotCottonsHairnet Fri 17-May-13 12:10:20

Noregrets - yes all from him - I think you're right - all in one go then something nice for me smile

Sidge Fri 17-May-13 12:16:27

DotCottonsHairnet thanks, it's a weird day. I'm trying to remember all the happy years, and there were so many. It's just the last few that were shit! And I have my 3 beautiful girls from him so it wasn't all wasted grin

LivingNightmare Sun 19-May-13 10:40:27

I took mine off in front of him the day I threw him out for the last time. It was a few weeks ago and there is still a mark from the rings on my finger. A friend said I should start to rub in some bio oil! :-) I'm not sure anyone really has noticed though - I mean like work colleagues for example that don't know about my divorce yet.

If I had some money I would get some bling for my right hand instead!

Mosman Sun 19-May-13 13:07:53

The next day, I shall be selling it to fund a day out with the kids.

ThereGoesTheYear Sun 19-May-13 17:40:09

I took mine off about a year after we separated (the police removed my H too - can't have been an easy week for you - hope you're doing OK OP). I've been thinking about getting it melted down and made into something else.

Noregrets78 Sun 19-May-13 21:05:26

It's still off, and no-one's noticed... I'm not ready yet to sell it, but have hung it on a chain and will sell it as soon as I'm emotionally ready.

ThereGoesTheYear thanks I'm fine. Things have gone like a dream, now the unwanted phone calls have died down... and I've had a lovely peaceful weekend with DD. Not sure how long it will take me to relax and believe that this is the way it will stay.

I've liked this thread it's been really interesting, thanks all. x

sandiy Tue 28-May-13 20:50:30

Took mine off when I left one job and started the next.I just could nt face explaining.I sold it for scrap I also had the band taken off my engagement ring and sold that I kept the diamond though not sure why.Ive got some lovely Gucci earrings that he bought me which I still wear and the value is in the brand The other bits I've not dealt with because they are lovely pieces I expect eventually I will give them to my daughters.i do fantasise about chucking them at other woman though you know grand gesture but the skinflint in me won t give her such valuable things. Chin up things get easier buy yourself some new knickers and perfume with the money when you sell them it will make you feel so naughty.

DotCottonsHairnet Fri 31-May-13 10:17:43

I changed my mind - went out the other day with the intention of getting rid of it all - but I couldn't part with the 5 rings from him - just the necklaces/earrings/bracelets. Still there's another £100 in my bank account towards a holiday.

Guess those rings will sit in a box for a while longer till I can find the strength to part with them - silly I know but the oldest is over 25 years old now so its been part of my life for a long time.

Noregrets78 Sat 01-Jun-13 19:11:08

sandiy yep that's a good idea - new job, fresh start, not having to explain.
New undies excellent idea!

dotcotton Don't blame you, there's a lot of history in those rings. You can move on without pretending 25 years didn't happen. Mine are a mere 15 years old, but it's the entire of my adult life, I'll get rid of everything else but can't imagine selling the rings at the moment.

Buttonsbythesea Sat 01-Jun-13 19:19:21

Took mine off the day he left 6 years ago. Sold it along with engagement and eternity ring at the beginning of this year. Felt good to get rid and use the money for something else.

ticktocktammy Sun 02-Jun-13 20:44:38

well this is really about when did you emotionally let go and accept the end.. personally I don't know where the wedding ring is but I had the engagement ring made into a necklace. let me tell you ladies, thats one big shiny diamond and looks fab on!
I have kept many of the gifts I received from lovers. some of them are great things and years later I remember those men fondly too.

Snowflower01 Sun 09-Jun-13 23:05:54

Can't get mine off for love nor money.
Soap, oil, ice, everything. NOTHING works. Help !!!!!!!!!!!!
Googled, You Tubed etc etc.
And still on my finger.

DotCottonsHairnet Mon 10-Jun-13 07:27:19

Snowflower - a jeweller will be able to cut it off for you smile

MOSagain Tue 11-Jun-13 10:15:58

Mine's been on and off like my 'D'H's boxers with his other woman wink
I took mine off the first time last July when I found out about his adultery. We attempted reconciliation and I put it on in August on our wedding anniversary.
It then came off again after a row, then on then off. In January he bought me a beautiful eternity ring, something I'd wanted for years so I wore that in place of my wedding and engagement rings.

3 weeks ago I went to Peru on a charity event and left all my jewellery at home. Whilst away I realised I was happier being apart from him and my blood pressure was down and my stress headaches gone so its clear he has to go and have not put it back on. Unsure what to do with my rings which are probably worth a lot. Want to keep my engagement ring for DD but might sell the wedding ring and give him back the eternity ring in case he wants to sell it/give it to his next woman!

Took mine off today after an awful row last night, came home to find him and his things gone.

First time he has actually done what I've asked in a long while.

pilotbecky Thu 18-Jul-13 18:13:18

I didn't have much luck with wedding rings. When still married, we both lost ours and had to replace them. When we were going through difficulties, dh took his off for a few months which made me feel awful. I took mine off the minute he left the house; I like how it feels, and if I ever see a good-looking man, I waggle my finger in his face (metaphorically!).

I hope things work out for you No Regrets. flowers

Noregrets78 Thu 18-Jul-13 22:54:22

Thanks all I've enjoyed this thread. Ring still off... decree nisi today... all good progress. I still suspect he hasn't noticed it's not there, I'm sure he'd say something sarcastic if he spotted.

Rings still hanging on a chain with my jewellery. Shall sell them when the desire takes me.

Beccawoo Tue 03-Sep-13 13:49:59

Can't remember - couple of weeks after he walked out to live with his girlfriend? Hilariously, he thinks he has banned me from ever selling it or my engagement ring (which is worth a fair bit) because it should go to our daughter. I will keep it for her but it'll be interesting to see if when she's 18 she wants a meaningless engagement ring from the dad who left when she was 3 weeks old....

FreckledLeopard Tue 03-Sep-13 14:08:44

Mine came off after we'd rowed about the same issues for the millionth time and I knew then that separation was the only possibility. Took off rings and changed facebook status from 'married' to 'it's complicated', so that I wouldn't be tempted to try and brush things under the carpet.

Noregrets78 Tue 03-Sep-13 18:59:09

Blimey the facebook status hadn't thought of that! Probably a more significant declaration that it's all over than taking the ring off. I'll be 'properly' divorced any day now, might need to do a bit of editing of the friends list before I announce anything.

neontetra Tue 03-Sep-13 19:09:54

My exh wrote me a letter after we had "agreed" to split, requesting the return of my engagement ring, which, to be fair, had been his nan's. Took off my wedding ring then, and when he moved out he left me his too. Again, to be fair, I had paid for both! They were Argos' cheapest option, probably aimed at people pretending to be married or having sham marriages, and I sold them both at a car boot for twenty p each. Notwithstanding the poor quality, someone got a bargain, but it seemed fitting and symbolic to let them go for nothing, somehow.

killpeppa Thu 24-Oct-13 15:37:08

intheredcorner probably not a thread to giggle on, but you just made me do just that smile

tonight i will be taking them off for the last time.
Enough is enough.
Id put my gorgeous engagment ring on the other hand but it doesnt fit- damnit

Last week I chucked them at him but my son brought it too me when he found it a few days later. (19mths)

INeedSomeHelp Thu 24-Oct-13 15:49:18

I took both my rings off the day I asked him to move out
I gave him back my engagement ring as it was pretty much the only thing he paid for during our relationship. He went out the same day and sold it for £100.
He also changed his Facebook status to single that day before I'd had a chance to tell my family.

I sold my wedding ring a few months later as I needed the money for Christmas. Now that I think about it, I should have asked for his wedding ring back as it was paid for from money my parents gave me for the wedding.

All these things just reinforced that I had made the right decision to end it.

killpeppa Thu 24-Oct-13 15:55:22

Ineedsomehelp cheap little git!

INeedSomeHelp Thu 24-Oct-13 17:56:00

kilkpeppa Just one of the many reasons why it didn't work!

killpeppa Thu 24-Oct-13 18:48:12

well mine are now off and in a Jewett box.

tonight is the first night of forever thanks

Sasquatch75 Fri 25-Oct-13 23:51:12

I took mine off a few days before he moved out! He told me the night before we went on holiday that when we got back he was leaving sad Our DCs were so looking forward to our holiday that I felt I had no choice but to go. Just wore sunglasses all the time. Bastard.

BruthasTortoise Sun 27-Oct-13 22:18:37

If it makes you feel any better my DHs ex wife still occasionally posts pictures of her wedding ring on FB and tags the DC in. Ten years after the divorce and despite having been in a number of relationships since. So I think anything other than that is reasonable smile.

mineofuselessinformation Sun 27-Oct-13 22:27:45

It took me a while to take mine off, but then after we divorced I went to a second hand jewellers and bought myself what I call my 'divorce ring'. It's a cocktail style ring which I enjoy very much as when i wear it, it brings back the memory of finally being free of him. smile

whoselifeisitanyway Mon 28-Oct-13 08:56:38

It's partly sad and partly liberating to take it off. I was worried people would notice eg at work and I wasnt ready to tell the world we had split. No one asked as it happened as everyone is too polite probably!

casacastille Mon 28-Oct-13 09:25:06

I took mine off in a perfectly ordinary moment in the middle of an ordinary day - he wasn't even around. It hit me that I'd got over the raw pain of discovering his multiple layers of deceit, and I suddenly found him contemptible and repellent. And that was that.

I have still got it though. I'm not ready to sell it yet. When I do, I'll buy myself a lovely dress ring with the proceeds.

Tweetypie27 Tue 29-Oct-13 12:28:10

The day he left it didn't come off my hand the five years I was married. Thinking of weighing it in tomorrow as am skint lol

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