Advice/experience of applying for a variation to a contact order?

(5 Posts)
foolonthehill Sun 20-Nov-16 13:31:49

hi....
I have 4DC and a contact order dating back 3 years.
Following my eldest's direct intervention (then age 12) the judge made a belated condition that she only had to go when she wanted to, and not for overnight.
She went for a while but ex's behaviour was so bad she stopped. 2nd child stopped following several episodes of intimidating behaviour some months later (children's services not interested even though reported by independent member of the public).
Ex has let this happen and not pursued them...he sees the Dc3 and 4 (agesnow nearly 12 and 10) who up to now have wanted to go and he has treated them ok if you ignore the emotional blackmail and mud slinging.
BUT they are beginning to ask not to go, they have many activities that he will not facilitate in "daddy time"and they are resenting his control.

In brief he was an emotional abuser with a "victim" stance and deeply misogynistic. I don't think he will let DC3/4 drift off and organise their own contact. It will be a fullonbun fight (according to him I am a bully and have to be in control)

What are the chances of a variation coming up with something better for the children and rubber stamping the choices of the older ones?

Is the process a re run of the first time round or are their any short cuts?

My experience of the family courts was anything but supportive or fair which is why I haven't gone back sooner?

foolonthehill Sun 20-Nov-16 13:32:25

sorry it's so long

everythingis Mon 21-Nov-16 13:52:52

Hi fool been researching this. Best answers I can find is that you have to attempt mediation first and even then the judges refuse to litigate on issues they think parents should be able to sort out themselves. So back to medication then. I presume this is fact as exh has tried twice to mediate And I have refused and no summons has come though he threatens it so I think that's the legal advice he has received.
I want to vary the order we have for similar reasons

foolonthehill Thu 24-Nov-16 20:09:40

hi everything. Thank you for replying....sorry for delayed thanks. Have been busy batting away silly stuff from ex.

I am going to lawyer tomorrow for advice as things are escalating for DC.

I suspect it will be as you say as unfortunately the courts don't seem to acknowledge that some people will never act in a grown up sensiblemanner or in the best interestsof their children.

Best wishes to you and for your future

CocoaX Thu 24-Nov-16 20:15:16

Hi foolonthehill, I remember you from the EA threads (I had a different name). I am sorry things are still difficult for you and I wish you well keeping DC safe. No practical advice, my situation is interminable and exhausting. Just strength and courage for you flowers

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